EP UMS Journal pt. 2

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Day 1 of bloom:

I am experiencing intense anger frequently, over the friendship breakup,mostly.

I came up with the idea to sublimate the anger, and use it to cultivate discipline and motivate me twoards my goals.

Anger IS the "get shit done" emotion after all.

I wonder if that's a part of E3, or if it's not?

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Final day of carpetbombing (day 7) --

I'm not sure about current progress. Not really thinking about money tbh. I am obsessed with getting a waiver to join the United States Marine Corps.

It ain't related to UMS I determined.

UMS motivates you to achieve wealth via non harmful means to others. This would involve combat.

But I think UMS still played a role by eliminating "I can't do it" talk.


I thought I had settled this notion of wanting to join the military. I decided against it primarily because I felt I couldn't hack it. I think UMS eliminating self limiting beliefs is causing me to want to join, against all arguments against it. A feeling of "No mattet how bad my situation looks I can do it. I just need to play my cards right" If I am going to do this, it will be imperative I play it slick, excell at everything, win people over and make myself utterly indespensible. An INSANELY tall order for what it will take. It will take pushing myself to the absolute limit. It takes going all the way. "Go big or go home" is a very literal statement for me on this. And I don't intend to go home once I leave it for the Corps.

As for achieving UMS...

I dunno what's the deal on that, but you know... patience.

[Zubrowka]

Final day of carpetbombing (day 7) --

I'm not sure about current progress. Not really thinking about money tbh. I am obsessed with getting a waiver to join the United States Marine Corps.

It ain't related to UMS I determined.

UMS motivates you to achieve wealth via non harmful means to others. This would involve combat.

But I think UMS still played a role by eliminating "I can't do it" talk.


I thought I had settled this notion of wanting to join the military. I decided against it primarily because I felt I couldn't hack it. I think UMS eliminating self limiting beliefs is causing me to want to join, against all arguments against it. A feeling of "No mattet how bad my situation looks I can do it. I just need to play my cards right" If I am going to do this, it will be imperative I play it slick,  excell at everything, win people over and make myself utterly indespensible. An INSANELY tall order for what it will take. It will take pushing myself to the absolute limit. It takes going all the way. "Go big or go home" is a very literal statement for me on this. And I don't intend to go home once I leave it for the Corps.

As for achieving UMS...

I dunno what's the deal on that, but you know... patience.

I have had the urge to join the military in the past, but I don’t have the same “need” to do it anymore. Then it felt like the only way for me to become part of something and prove my value. A simple way out if you may. Looking back to what was creating this drive was a lack of a feeling of self-worth, I thought that joining the military and “making it through” would give me that. But now, just a couple of months later, I have found that feeling is inside of me already, I don’t have to “go through” anything to make it appear - other than doing some work on myself and getting in touch with my emotions.

I don’t know if that is the case for you, maybe you just want to try it out to test your ability, then go ahead - but your near draconian Way of reasoning around it that “you must excel perfectly” is telling me otherwise - that you maybe are trying to make it into filling a void inside of you rather than testing out your limits.

The only person you need to convince of your own worth is yourself.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

The reason I must excell Zubrowka, is because I will have to hide my medical records from MEPS to get in.

If they find out my medical history, they will want to kick me out with a dishonorable discharge for fraudulent enlistment.

If I make myself utterly indispensable, they will find me too much of an asset to get rid of.

[Zubrowka]

The reason I must excell Zubrowka, is because I will have to hide my medical records from MEPS to get in.

If they find out  my medical history, they will want to kick me out with a dishonorable discharge for fraudulent enlistment.

If I make myself utterly indispensable, they will find me too much of an asset to get rid of.

What I was trying to do was to make yourself ask why do you really want to go to the military - and are those reasons valid or can they better be fulfilled by other means?

[EvolvingPhoenix]

The reason I must excell Zubrowka, is because I will have to hide my medical records from MEPS to get in.

If they find out  my medical history, they will want to kick me out with a dishonorable discharge for fraudulent enlistment.

If I make myself utterly indispensable, they will find me too much of an asset to get rid of.

What I was trying to do was to make yourself ask why do you really want to go to the military - and are those reasons valid or can they better be fulfilled by other means?

I getcha. And my answer is multifaceted. Is it partially ego? Yes. Is it all ego? No. 

It's complicated. I'm still figuring it out. But you're abaolutely right I should consider that.

[Zubrowka]

Consider that you can be valuable in more situations and applications than you can think of, even if they aren't apparent right now, they are there. You just need the right circumstances to shine.

[Have at ye]

EP, friend, personally I'm a fan of all sorts of shenanigans, but maybe trying to hide your medical history from the military is not the best of ideas.

They have strict recruitment standards for a reason. *Really* consider whether joining a highly structured, hierarchical environment is what's going to be best for you. I'm not an expert on the US military, but the Marine Corps in particular is supposed to be pretty serious business as far as I'm aware.

[Have at ye]

Also consider the possibility that, should you succeed, you may have to see action, as they say. I know a guy who did two tours in Syria. He's got full blown PTSD (although, frankly, I'd use the oldie term "shell-shock" because it drives the point home better) now. It's *not* pretty.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

@Have at ye I'm aware. You are not saying ANYTHING I have not already considered over the years. You are speaking the language of the voice in my head that says "You can't do it" I no longer agree with the assessment.

@Zubrowka Same thing.

Thank you guys though for the serious consideration. It means a lot that you care.

[Zubrowka]

It’s not a question about if you can or can’t do it - it’s a question of if you should or shouldn’t do it.

There are better ways of finding challenges that can help you grow your self confidence. Start practicing a sport and developing in that for example, take one that is individual if you need that, tennis for example.

No need to do something where you risk getting killed, emotionally damaged from combat or bad officers, and creating a situation where your loved ones will spend a lot of time worrying about you.

[Yous]

EP, friend, personally I'm a fan of all sorts of shenanigans, but maybe trying to hide your medical history from the military is not the best of ideas.

They have strict recruitment standards for a reason. *Really* consider whether joining a highly structured, hierarchical environment is what's going to be best for you. I'm not an expert on the US military, but the Marine Corps in particular is supposed to be pretty serious business as far as I'm aware.

What would happen if they catch you hidden your medical history EP?

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I'll get booted, most likely, with a discharge other than honorable at best. Dishonorable at worst. They have the right to prosecute, but it seems they rarely ever do that.

If I make myself indespensible however, they won't want to get rid of me.

@Zubrowka You do not get what I mean. If you are thinking I can't hack it in the military without the hierarchical and stressful nature of the job mentally breaking me, then you are in fact mirroring the voice in my head saying "You can't do it" and I'll be damned if I keep listening to that voice any longer. Your idea of "you shouldn't do it" is based in the idea of "you can't hack it"
Yes I can.

Still, I will concede that deeper investigation as to why I care so much about military service is a good idea. Although I would like to point out that ny family has a strong history of military service. It's something I have ALWAYS wanted to do but didn't think I could handle doing. Now that self doubt is being eliminated and the closed case file is reopening.

I'll consider whether the military is truly the best way to get what I want, but I'm done listening to that fearful "You can't handle stress, hierarchy, structure, discipline or fear" bullshit.

And you are the 5 people you soend the most time around. Who am I spending my time around? People who live in quiet desperation. Victims. I would rather spend my time with warriors.

[Yous]

I'll get booted, most likely, with a discharge other than honorable at best. Dishonorable at worst. They have the right to prosecute, but it seems they rarely ever do that.

If I make myself indespensible however, they won't want to get rid of me.

@Zubrowka You do not get what I mean. If you are thinking I can't hack it in the military without the hierarchical and stressful nature of the job mentally breaking me, then you are in fact mirroring the voice in my head saying "You can't do it" and I'll be damned if I keep listening to that voice any longer. Your idea of "you shouldn't do it" is based in the idea of "you can't hack it"
Yes I can.

Still, I will concede that deeper investigation as to why I care so much about military service is a good idea. Although I would like to point out that ny family has a strong history of military service. It's something I have ALWAYS wanted to do but didn't think I could handle doing. Now that self doubt is being eliminated and the closed case file is reopening.

I'll consider whether the military is truly the best way to get what I want, but I'm done listening to that fearful "You can't handle stress, hierarchy, structure, discipline or fear" *****.

And you are the 5 people you soend the most time around. Who am I spending my time around? People who live in quiet desperation. Victims. I would rather spend my time with warriors.

If they have the right by law to prosecute you, you are risking you too much, no matter how low the possibility. Yes, of course you can, but this is illegal. You can do many things that are completely legal. And think that even if they don´t catch at the beginning the possibility will always be there, you will never be secure in that job, and at any moment you can finish without job, having lost all that time and maybe in jail or with criminal records.

Yes, you can, but you should?