12-14-2015, 07:15 AM
Something clicked today and it's made me really aware of just how badly I separate from myself at times. I've come to realize I don't have a healthy relationship with my emotions. Even when I was younger I'd escape painful emotions by just going to sleep instead of facing them. Now I'm noticing the same trend in adulthood, but instead of sleep it's video games, making music, or TV. Sometimes it's even just meditating the wrong way. Instead of allowing the emotions I drift off into this hazy sort of peaceful place and convince myself it will be good for me. But it's just my attempt at distancing myself from my emotions.
I basically have to relearn how to let emotions be and get on with life while experiencing them instead of trying to avoid them.
Analogy time, because for some reason that's how my brain works. You know Tetris? When you start piling blocks too high and it's game over? If you've ever played without paying any attention to what you're doing it's really easy to end the game. Same with negative thoughts. If they go unchecked they pile up and my "game over" is pretty much getting so overwhelmed that I check out. It's important for me to be aware of every aspect of my life and where those negative thoughts creep in and address them instead of pushing them down. When they are pushed down too much they become subconscious, and at that point it becomes a habit. And habits aren't as easy to be aware of because they seem too familiar.
I basically have to relearn how to let emotions be and get on with life while experiencing them instead of trying to avoid them.
Analogy time, because for some reason that's how my brain works. You know Tetris? When you start piling blocks too high and it's game over? If you've ever played without paying any attention to what you're doing it's really easy to end the game. Same with negative thoughts. If they go unchecked they pile up and my "game over" is pretty much getting so overwhelmed that I check out. It's important for me to be aware of every aspect of my life and where those negative thoughts creep in and address them instead of pushing them down. When they are pushed down too much they become subconscious, and at that point it becomes a habit. And habits aren't as easy to be aware of because they seem too familiar.
