06-24-2016, 06:30 AM
Still discovering things about myself in regards to how I respond to these subliminals. There's a lot of shame and guilt still surrounding being open emotionally. Essentially I have trouble validating my own emotions. And I find this halts the healing process. I'm the type of guy who isn't comfortable being outwardly emotional, even if I'm alone. So I've been trying to let go of these emotions in a way that is more like running away from them.
I've been trying to put my past history with depression and anxiety behind me and keep moving ahead. But I'm seeing now that these issues aren't fully resolved and pretending that they don't exist isn't doing me any favors. I'm more capable than I was a couple of years ago but at the same time I still have my shortcomings that I need to work with. Keeping those in mind will help me from beating myself up too much.
I have a tendency to slap a calm peaceful serene feeling over the whirlwind of emotions I'm feeling at any given time in an effort to make myself feel better. But it's just a bandaid solution and causes me to overlook what I'm really feeling. And I'd have to say my biggest feeling right now is fear. Not necessarily fear of change, just a general fear that I'm not going to reach the goals I set out for myself and I'm going to keep screwing up. It's hard because in my life I've only really known trying and coming up short in everything I do, I've never really had a steady stream of success or stability. At least now I recognize it's possible, but my past experiences definitely make a huge impact when it comes to expecting the worst.
I've been trying to put my past history with depression and anxiety behind me and keep moving ahead. But I'm seeing now that these issues aren't fully resolved and pretending that they don't exist isn't doing me any favors. I'm more capable than I was a couple of years ago but at the same time I still have my shortcomings that I need to work with. Keeping those in mind will help me from beating myself up too much.
I have a tendency to slap a calm peaceful serene feeling over the whirlwind of emotions I'm feeling at any given time in an effort to make myself feel better. But it's just a bandaid solution and causes me to overlook what I'm really feeling. And I'd have to say my biggest feeling right now is fear. Not necessarily fear of change, just a general fear that I'm not going to reach the goals I set out for myself and I'm going to keep screwing up. It's hard because in my life I've only really known trying and coming up short in everything I do, I've never really had a steady stream of success or stability. At least now I recognize it's possible, but my past experiences definitely make a huge impact when it comes to expecting the worst.
