05-06-2015, 01:50 AM
(05-05-2015, 08:29 PM)TangoDelta Wrote: Negativity ahead:
10 days into Stage 5. External things have been going between ok and are border-lining on bad if I don't get my act together. Internal things are very bad. Exams are coming up and I haven't done the homework assignments or studied. I have 4 days until my first exam.
I can't stop playing video games. I delete them from my computer when I feel guilty from playing them, try to do some productive stuff, then re-download the game and keep on playing a few hours later. I cannot bring myself to do anything else. I have a strong urge to do a different subliminal, Overcome Procrastination or Improve Grades and Study Habits for example. I hate hate hate how this feels.
I hate myself for being such a lazy piece of crap, I hate myself for not doing homework and studying, I hate myself for not working out, and I hate myself for playing video games. But no matter how much I hate myself, I don't change anything. I don't know what is going on here, but it's bad. Why do I all of a sudden have such a strong urge to quit this program? I've honestly thought about quitting. I probably only want to quit because I think (hope) a different sub will fix all my problems, but I doubt that'll actually happen. Is this resistance? Why can't I bring myself to do anything productive, no matter how hard I try. I cannot express how much I hate myself and what I have done, or rather, what I have not done. Maybe I have an addiction to video games, or I use them to hide and distract me from my responsibilities. It totally sucks that this has to happen in the final two weeks of school. I can't let this ruin my semester. I don't know if I'll have the motivation, or rather, self-discipline, to do what needs to be done. WTF is going on with me!?
Edit: my best analogy is that I feel like I have the inertia of a locomotive (procrastination), but I don't have the strength (self-discipline/motivation/will-power) to get it (myself) moving.
Sorry to post such a negative...post. I know nobody likes them.
Oh man I know that feeling. The worst part is I had that WITHOUT the sub hahah. I'd say it's a sign of resistance for sure, because I remember when I came to the firm realization that playing games, watching movies/tvshows, game streamers and being care free depending on my parents for everything ISN'T the life I want to live and "wtf am I doing with my life?", what you describe is exactly how I felt. I knew I HAVE to change because this isn't what I want, but I was being bogged down all these limiting beliefs I had to actually take action; I'm probably not completely rid of them yet either. It's hard to work through those limiting beliefs man, I understand. For me it was mainly, fear of failure as well as fear of success, lack of self esteem, confidence, and one of the most important was, a lack of AWARENESS.
You should STICK with the program bro, I know it's hard and it's rough, but trust me things WILL get better if you stick with it. Think about this, you KNOW that's the right thing to do, what's beneficial for you. You also KNOW that if you do stop AM6, you'd only beat yourself up for it even more. I tried to escape the negativity, and all the s**t that was coming up through games and all kinds of crap; it's not the solution, these things will keep coming up until you DEAL with them. I wish I could tell you or give you a magic pill through this, but I can't because there really isn't; otherwise, I would've used it myself :p You've GOT to push through bro.
You say you work out, you know how the more resistance you have as weight, the harder it is to lift but the STRONGER you become. Treat this resistance the same exact way, because that is exactly what it is; a way for you to become STRONGER. The sub is trying to break through the resistance and aid you to become who you want to be, are you going to push through with the aid of the sub or are you going to succumb to the resistance, settle and live a life you don't want to live? So my friend, I invite you to think, become aware, accept and overcome. YOU'VE GOT THIS! Keep telling yourself you CAN do it.
Here is something that helped me through it : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-jwWYX7Jlo
