01-26-2014, 03:57 AM
Wow.
Every now and then I get a taste of what life could be, being independent, strong, free of so much bullshit which dominates every interaction and experience. There is so much enjoyment and richness to be experienced even in the smallest things.
It's day 28 of stage 1. Outside the world hasn't changed for me. Inside something is shifting. For one thing I'm not suffering from depression. I get depressed, but I don't suffer, I know it's not permenant any more than the pain from stubbing your toe is or catching a cold.
I'm able to socialise with people without anxiety, I went out with a group of people the other day and I normally just try and win approval, over acting etc. there was no chemistry between me and this group so I just thought, you know what, that's ok, they're not my kind of people where as before I would have thought it was something wrong with me and try to overcompensate by acting the clown.
Work is shit, I'm still feeling undisciplined, and have low energy, I'm looking forward to stage 2 which I hope will make me more resolute about not accepting rationalisations from myself.
Every now and then I get a taste of what life could be, being independent, strong, free of so much bullshit which dominates every interaction and experience. There is so much enjoyment and richness to be experienced even in the smallest things.
It's day 28 of stage 1. Outside the world hasn't changed for me. Inside something is shifting. For one thing I'm not suffering from depression. I get depressed, but I don't suffer, I know it's not permenant any more than the pain from stubbing your toe is or catching a cold.
I'm able to socialise with people without anxiety, I went out with a group of people the other day and I normally just try and win approval, over acting etc. there was no chemistry between me and this group so I just thought, you know what, that's ok, they're not my kind of people where as before I would have thought it was something wrong with me and try to overcompensate by acting the clown.
Work is shit, I'm still feeling undisciplined, and have low energy, I'm looking forward to stage 2 which I hope will make me more resolute about not accepting rationalisations from myself.
Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
