DMSI v5 - Infinity Stones

[Ampersnd]

Day 20,

I'm considering cobbling together a few of my photos and relaunching some dating apps.
It's surprising how the prospect of it has me feeling exposed and vulnerable, almost like I'm putting myself up for judgment.
Pretty funny considering how I used to sprint toward dating apps and setting up dates, etc. Perhaps I'm putting too much pressure - or manufacturing it on behalf of other people - on myself due to being on dating apps "early 30s" instead of "mid / late 20s"

[4Kingdoms]

@Ampersnd  Could you make room in your Inbox? I'm unable to send you a PM. Thanks!!

[Ampersnd]

Done. Thought I did some cleaning; had to empty the trash can

[Ampersnd]

My brain is not allowing me to get distracted with bad things. By appearances alone. I'm not executing, but I'm also gravitating away from video games, TV series, drinking, and as mentioned, corn and jorking it. None of that.

But at the same time, I'm getting pulled away from the good things, too; I'm also not wanting to work on my side projects, or my guitar or singing.

And so, I'm in this weird funk where I'm sitting here, buzzing with presence and reviewing some self-improvement materials that I'm involved with.

[Shannon]

You're executing. You're also dealing with something fighting your resistance. Otherwise there would be no change.

[Ampersnd]

Day 22,

Booted up Tinder and Hinge, and I dropped my age a bit to get into women's age filters a bit; a bit gamey, but whatever.

I did kickboxing this morning; then, the hot kickboxer girl (with boyfriend, last I checked) and asks:
"Ampersnd, how old did you say you were again?"
I responded honestly, and she's just standing around saying: "hmm, huh, interesting." and I go "did I baffle you?" and she mentioned a previous conversation where my age was ambiguous.

Thinking she saw my profile, I mentioned that I dropped my age, etc. She says: "I don't think it matters if you're a bit older (she's 25 or so), cause women like maturity." I'm just wondering where all of this shit is coming from, and we have a chilled low key conversation. Finding that I can thread conversations a bit more smoothly when I accept my level of energy (which is a bit higher than before).

I go to sushi, and I've turned a couple of heads.

Still can't force myself to do productive work.
I've set up legit blackout curtains in my bedroom and I bought
Sold my stationary bike for some cash, given that I hadn't used it in 3 years; my living room looks much cleaner for it.

[Shannon]

I just turned 52. I'm getting interest from females much younger than me. Last night, our server looked like she was 18-20, and she was reacting to me with sexual arousal (which I was able to track in real time via her very expressive sex flush) even though I am running Optimal Physical Healing.

My girlfriend is much younger than me. She has admitted many times that my age is a big part of what attracted her to me.

I have servers in their late teens, 20's and 30's and 40's and 50's all giving me signs of interest, and it happens regardless of what I am running or not running, as long as I am not in "hermit mode" internally.

The key is to understand that the natural order of things directly contradicts what society, and especially middle aged and older women, want you to believe. That is... younger women generally want the security and stability and maturity of an older man, and older men generally want the fertility, health and lack of baggage of a younger woman.

The fastest way to kill this natural vibe is to start explaining or be defensive about your age or the age difference. You own your age, and let the chips fall where they may, and you'll be surprised what responses you get. I'm not sure how easy that is on a dating app, where they will tend to artificially impose their beliefs as to what age you "should" be dating. But since I turned 34, I have not dated a woman older than me, and since I turned 50, I have concluded that I would generally decline interest from women over about 24 if I were single.

A man becomes more valuable and attractive to women as he ages.

[Ampersnd]

@Shannon I sure am glad it's you creating these programs and not someone as constrained by modernist norms for their own sake.

[Ampersnd]

Day 23,

I'm probably going through the very worst of my motivation slump; no matter what I'm considering, my brain shouts "why bother?"
Then I consider the thing a little later, and my brain shouts: "but you should handle X first before doing the thing".
I then consider doing 'X' and my brain shouts "why bother?"
I've wasted a LOT of time today.

[Ampersnd]

Day 24,

First day off. I'm energetically reliving a particular sexual encounter with one of the hottest gals I've gotten with.
Dominican gal with a nice face, big knockers, great ass and an hourglass; funny how rare that is.
I needed to play mental tricks on myself to not finish too quickly; she even encouraged that I give in, so that I'm in a connecting mood and not fighting the flow.

I remember turning down a second round because I wanted to head home and get enough sleep for work.
She also offered that I stay the night but I doubted that I could sleep well, so I turned that down too. She broke things off very soon after.

The point is that my stomach and torso are lighting up energetically at the thought of it; it's not simple horniness.

[Shannon]

My experience has been that women with that shape seems to correlate with a personality type that often (but not always) will do those things when they are interested in a relationship with you, and if you refuse, they interpret it as you being interested only in sex, and move on. If it's of any use for you.