01-08-2019, 08:18 AM
Day 30
Checking in.
The days of the somatic healing work aren't disturbing my sleep any more, which is good. I'm not super awake, but I'll take the sleep I'm getting.
I'm still not seeing any external effects, and I'm OK with that. My dreams are still about living in a space that is under attack/not mine; last night was about hiding some important documents from an authority figure. I'm aware of the implicit meaning here, but this isn't changing as I've had these types of dreams for years. If I had a wish it would be more sexy-time dreams, but they're quite uncommon.
The somatic work continues. Just lying on the floor on a mat and looking at the ceiling and getting into my body provokes sadness and fear and terror. When, in the work, there is sexually-tinged contact (it goes no further than contact, applied for therapeutic purposes), I feel a mixture of sexual arousal, terror, and deep deep grief. My eyes well up with tears. It's kinda not surprising to me that there are no visible effects of DMSI if sexuality is that tied up with terror for me.
So I'm continuing on. I don't know if DMSI or the FRM is helpful in disentangling sexual arousal and bodily terror. I figure that it can't hurt to let the FRM keep doing its thing while working with my somatic healing worker. The plan working with her is to encounter the arousal and terror, and sit with the terror and let it dissipate, and disentangle them that way.
And that work keeps continuing.
Checking in.
The days of the somatic healing work aren't disturbing my sleep any more, which is good. I'm not super awake, but I'll take the sleep I'm getting.
I'm still not seeing any external effects, and I'm OK with that. My dreams are still about living in a space that is under attack/not mine; last night was about hiding some important documents from an authority figure. I'm aware of the implicit meaning here, but this isn't changing as I've had these types of dreams for years. If I had a wish it would be more sexy-time dreams, but they're quite uncommon.
The somatic work continues. Just lying on the floor on a mat and looking at the ceiling and getting into my body provokes sadness and fear and terror. When, in the work, there is sexually-tinged contact (it goes no further than contact, applied for therapeutic purposes), I feel a mixture of sexual arousal, terror, and deep deep grief. My eyes well up with tears. It's kinda not surprising to me that there are no visible effects of DMSI if sexuality is that tied up with terror for me.
So I'm continuing on. I don't know if DMSI or the FRM is helpful in disentangling sexual arousal and bodily terror. I figure that it can't hurt to let the FRM keep doing its thing while working with my somatic healing worker. The plan working with her is to encounter the arousal and terror, and sit with the terror and let it dissipate, and disentangle them that way.
And that work keeps continuing.
I share the details of my life in my posts to help in the understanding of the effects of the subliminals I use. I am only open to advice that relates to the use of the subliminals.
