07-08-2018, 10:39 AM
(This post was last modified: 07-08-2018, 10:44 AM by Have at ye.)
'k, I think it's unraveling, that thing that was causing me to resist. About fucking time. I am losing patience. Not with the program, mind you, but with myself.
I had to sift through a lot of excuses, thoughts, etc. coming up (a lot of them of the good 'ol: "oy, this again!" variety, which was probably an attempt by me to try and strengthen the "different day, same 'ol shit" resistance mechanism), and then started knocking 'em away one by one by simply saying: "bullshit, bullshit, we've been through this already, bullshit", etc. Then I came to the conclusion that I'm trying to hide something from myself, that there's something I can't afford to know for some unfathomable reason. So then I decided that I choose to let myself know whatever the hell that is, because it's the only way I'm going to be able to resolve it.
[EDIT: it got censored, but what I was saying to myself was "he-cow manure" in a less circumlocutory fashion, lol]
Psychomachia all the way, lol.
On the wonky-DMSI-sensations front, the heart's feeling pretty good now, sometimes there's a heavier sensation reappering, but that's normal (I know after having dealt with the same deal with the liver before that, lol). Now it seems we're getting to work on the sacral area, especially the kidneys, and the right kidney in particular. I could start feeling wonky stuff starting to go on there yesterday.
Anyroad, I'm considering increasing the number of loops by one for next week's DMSI ver. A extravaganza. I'll see about that tomorrow - I probably will. Maybe by two, even, making it 9 loops. I'm done fucking around.
I had to sift through a lot of excuses, thoughts, etc. coming up (a lot of them of the good 'ol: "oy, this again!" variety, which was probably an attempt by me to try and strengthen the "different day, same 'ol shit" resistance mechanism), and then started knocking 'em away one by one by simply saying: "bullshit, bullshit, we've been through this already, bullshit", etc. Then I came to the conclusion that I'm trying to hide something from myself, that there's something I can't afford to know for some unfathomable reason. So then I decided that I choose to let myself know whatever the hell that is, because it's the only way I'm going to be able to resolve it.
[EDIT: it got censored, but what I was saying to myself was "he-cow manure" in a less circumlocutory fashion, lol]
Psychomachia all the way, lol.
On the wonky-DMSI-sensations front, the heart's feeling pretty good now, sometimes there's a heavier sensation reappering, but that's normal (I know after having dealt with the same deal with the liver before that, lol). Now it seems we're getting to work on the sacral area, especially the kidneys, and the right kidney in particular. I could start feeling wonky stuff starting to go on there yesterday.
Anyroad, I'm considering increasing the number of loops by one for next week's DMSI ver. A extravaganza. I'll see about that tomorrow - I probably will. Maybe by two, even, making it 9 loops. I'm done fucking around.
"A man who is doing his True Will has the inertia of the Universe to assist him." - A. Crowley
