DMSI 3.2 Overcoming logistics and reality?

[sw72hw]

@ Shannon, Thank you for quick and detailed response. I personally found the answer about my subconscious attempt in trying to switch to A. Also, I think that B is doing the necessary clearing and healing and seem that it is efficient. (Although I don't think I have that much to go on.) Besides, all my previous runs with DMSI was with A version, so I probably have gotten enough healing anyway.

Thus, I will be sticking with B version, probably at least until next version is released.

Note to self, tomorrow (March 9th 2018) is day off for the first secondary ASRB break.

And damn, I got a break listening to DMSI as mail carrier came delivering registered/recorded mail.

[sw72hw]

On DMSI note, I noticed that a woman on the phone was kinder than previous time. This is a woman I had called a few times for some military related question. Today, I had to call again, to ask a few stuff. I noticed that she was a bit kinder, and at the same time she was more giggly than previous times. Perhaps this is due to the fact that some of the question I asked may have been considered weird questions. (But for me it was necessary, as it was related to my schedule, and other important issues.) Perhaps, it was DMSI effect. Who knows.

On the other hand, things are going pretty grim here in this country. Me Too movement landed not long ago, and it's going totally nuts. Yes, celebrities, and high profile people are the ones that have been the primary target, but there also seems to be lots of cases involving ordinary people. Many men seem to have come to a resolution to adopt Pence Rule, and lots of companies' culture are changing such that men and women would never go out together to eat during the lunch (work time), and work related communications are now mostly going to text from person to person communications. And women's community, women's rights group are now claiming Pence Rule, and such culture and behavior I wrote above are sexual/gender discrimination...... It is amusing as how close Catman's assumption/predication about the movement has been.

Many guys believe that this country is becoming like Japan (in which many men just gave up on getting girls and sex, and lost interest in sex or women), and New Zealand.

As much as I support Me Too movement (as I think that genuine sexual offender, and those who use their position, power and money to take advantage of those in a weaker place (in this case women) need to be taught tough lessons, and such behaviors should be eliminated), I am also quite concerned about its detrimental impact it has on where I live. I am also concerned about how it would impact my DMSI experience (as many girls have become way too sensitive and overreacting nowadays), and my (future) relationship and sex with women.

Oh well, I also feel that if DMSI were to be truly effective, it would help me overcome and dodge all these negative hassles while getting me all the sex and girls and greatness that comes from them.

[Benjamin]

I don't support that bs movement at all. Most of it is a women whinging about nothing much and what it does is disrespect anyone who ACTUALLY has had something serious happen, not like "oh a guy pinched me on the bum"... so fucking what.

You know what, i've been pinched on the bum by ugly women several times, and i'm not here years later sooking about it and trying to start a stupid movement.

What it's going to lead to is people starting to assume that any woman making accusations is full of shit. That's what i'm starting to assume every time I see it now.

They totally contradict themselves too.

First it's "We are strong independent women, just as strong as any man, we can do what any man can do, there's basically no difference between the sexes and if you say so you're a misogonist."

Then it's "These big evil men in power are taking advantage of these little powerless women."

Which shows this stuff is only when it suits them "I'm a strong independent woman but when it doesn't suit me i'm a innocent victim."

Also if someone was ACTUALLY sexually assaulted, what's the correct response? Goto the media and get attention and try to bring down men in general, or actually goto the police?

These people are doing the first which proves it's bs.

[sw72hw]

I don't support that bs movement at all. Most of it is a women whinging about nothing much and what it does is disrespect anyone who ACTUALLY has had something serious happen, not like "oh a guy pinched me on the bum"... so ***** what.

You know what, i've been pinched on the bum by ugly women several times, and i'm not here years later sooking about it and trying to start a stupid movement.

What it's going to lead to is people starting to assume that any woman making accusations is full of shit. That's what i'm starting to assume every time I see it now.

They totally contradict themselves too.

First it's "We are strong independent women, just as strong as any man, we can do what any man can do, there's basically no difference between the sexes and if you say so you're a misogonist."

Then it's "These big evil men in power are taking advantage of these little powerless women."

Which shows this stuff is only when it suits them "I'm a strong independent woman but when it doesn't suit me i'm a innocent victim."

Also if someone was ACTUALLY sexually assaulted, what's the correct response? Goto the media and get attention and try to bring down men in general, or actually goto the police?

These people are doing the first which proves it's bs.

I support the movement for its "supposed" goal/purpose, which is (I believe) supposed to be about eliminating sexual violence/assault, and raising the voice of those(/women) who have been victims of sexual violence based on the power structure/differences and the men who need to rely on whatever advantage they can hold on the women (these are men whom I don't even consider to be true men. True cowards.)

Do I like how it gets unfold, or how it has taken place? Nope. I also see that many women, group and organization that are leading the movement are doing it more based on perverted (or twisted) mentality rather than original goal of standing up to violence and empowering the victims of sexual violence.

Yes, going to police would be more appropriate, but what the women claim is that because of the power difference and structure, that doesn't work. I see some truth in that, but at the same time, I am concerned as I think the current way of prosecuting men who are accused of sexually assaulting women have become more skewed towards women, instead of trying to be more factual and neutral. I understand the tricky and difficult nature of sexual violence/crime because of nuances involved in sexual relationship and the difficulty of obtaining proofs and evidences. Yet, I believe that the balance has been somewhat broken, and that it needs to be fixed, despite the difficulty.

I remember taking Feminist Philosophy class, in which I got to learn, hear and see the original feminist movement and the original feminist thoughts. Many girls in the class (who claim to be feminists) would support the movement for its "supposed/original" purpose at the same time would be very cautious about how Me Too movement has taken place, as they do believe that false accusations and the accusations made to get some gain (such as fame, position, money, revenge, and etc) would hurt way more women (and men) than it would empower victims of sexual violence. In fact, I remember that there was a false accusation case that was on a news (I believe it was some girl claiming to be raped by a football player, but turned out to be a totally false accusation to get revenge on the guy), and I remember that these feminists were the ones who were the most critical of such women, as they hurt way more women than male sexual perpetrators. (That was basically what these girls have said.)

The media has reported quite a bit of "dubious" cases instead of clear cut cases or the real victims. (Well, I am necessarily discrediting the cases or the women who have come out. Yet, many of these cases, and women have many elements that are very ambiguous and unclear) At least, it has been true in this country. I cannot comment on how it has been in other countries, as I have deliberately abstained myself from looking at international news. (Because of my academic studies, I sorta did that a lot. I thought I needed to get some break from it. Therefore, I haven't looked at much of international and domestic news.)

In summary, I support the movement for its "supposed/original" goal/purpose of bringing out the sexual violence in the public to reduce/eliminate such behaviors and empowering victims of sexual violence. However, I don't support how it has unfolded as I see that it has deviated from the "supposed" goal, but rather it is hurting both men and women, innocents and victims. Ultimately, I can see that it could even become beneficial to the perpetrators, as it would eventually make prosecuting these perpetrators way more difficult. (False accusations and innocents being hurt would lead to this situation.)

Either way, I sorta feel that revisiting the definition of sexual violence and clearly defining it is necessary. Much of it is very ambiguous. Yes, sex itself can be very difficult to clearly define, and it has too much cultural and societal connotation. Still, if the movement were to be truly be successful, meaningful, and beneficial, I think that would be necessary.

I don't think I am too different from you Ben. It's just that this is a difficult topic. (At least for me, as I think I can see both sides.)

[sw72hw]

Note to myself, starting 2nd round or DMSI (March 10th 2018), gotta listen till Friday, March 23rd, 2018, and take day off on Saturday, March 24th, 2018.

Last night was pretty busy with many international phone calls to make. Thus, I couldn't report interesting observations I made yesterday.

Yesterday, I went out with my mom for grocery shopping and lunch after my workout. Here are some things I found interesting.

1. Baby/Toddler. Like previous versions, I did get quite a bit of stares from babies and toddlers. The difference was that I got stare from girls, not boys. Previously, I also got stares from boys. This time, nope. I shall observe more in the future to see if this is a new thing, or it was some stuff that just happened yesterday.

2. My staring breasts. Well, I did see a few girls who were in my age group (or a big younger). One girl I saw was working at ice cream/coffee shop, and she had relatively larger breasts than other girls in this country, and the shape was better looking (or more fitting to my taste.) I didn't realize at the moment (I realized this last night), but I did look at the breasts for quite a bit of time. (I don't think others have noticed, which is probably a good thing in the middle of Me Too storm in this country.)

This is not typical of me, as I may glance at great looking breasts, but I don't think I have ever stared at them for extended period of time.

3. Feeling turned off on girls wearing wrong size bra, or unfit bra. I saw several girls at the mall wearing wrong size or unfit bra. The shape that wrong bra made on the girls were huge turn off to me. (Not that any of them were particularly attractive regardless of the breasts/bra). I was thinking to my self "Geez girls. You gotta get yourself checked at a good underwear store. Get your self some nice fitted bra with right size. That'll make you whole a lot better looking."

4. My staring ass. This was a girl that I saw at a bread store. She was one of the ones that wore a wrong bra. However, she was wearing a tight jean, and had relatively great ass compared to many girls here. I didn't realize at the time, but I stared at the girls ass for extended period of time. (Again, I realized this last night.) Just like breasts, I may have glanced at women's ass before, but yesterday, I stared, and my eyes, head and neck was tracking that ass. (Which is both good and bad. (Bad in the sense of potentially getting myself into trouble in the midst of Me Too movement.))

Another thing that I notice (including my experience with previous DMSI) is that I am starting to like women's ass more. (Only if they are great, of course.) Before, I was only drawn to women's great breasts, but now, I am liking women's ass, a lot. I think I was turning from my very first DMSI run, which would be 2.x version.

5. Giggling girls. It was a one time thing, and this happened when I was in the line ordering coffee. (Yes, that was where that great breast girl was). The opposite to the store was a convenience store in which there was nobody, except two girls working. I may be mistaken, but I think/feel that the girls saw me from a distance and starting to talk to each other, and then both started to giggle. I may be totally wrong, and it could be absolutely nothing. Yet, I heard that girls especially young ones would look at each other, start to giggle, after seeing an attractive guy. I can tell you that I was the only guy around that area, so who knows they may have found me attractive. Besides, these girls would have been late teenage to early twenties. Maybe they have told great jokes at each other, so who knows. But my gut tells me that they have found me attractive. At the same time, I know that guys (like myself) can and tend to over take/overthink absolutely unimportant girls action/reaction. So I am not going to take this with great importance. Nonetheless, I find it interesting to have observed this. I got this behavior quite a lot when I was a teenager and in early twenties.

6. Being more proactive. At the grocery store at the mall, my mom and I had some difficulty finding things. Normally we would try to look for stuff for a while, and then ask for help. This time, I didn't bother spending much time, but decided to take direct approach, and asked a woman working there. The woman answered my question, but was somewhat rude. Interesting, I really haven't gotten any rude behavior before. I don't know if I like it, but I hear that it's potentially a sign that I am showing lots of male energy. Either way, I think my experience with my cousin (yes the ski trip) made me to be more proactive and take initiative.

7. Acting more manly. I think it may be related to point 6, but I realized that I acted more manly. For instance, I pulled my mom inside when car was coming from behind, and I think I did it in a very manly/masculine way. It's not something I wouldn't do or I would never do, yet the way I did felt much more natural, and masculine.

These are stuff I noticed at the mall.

I also have some things to report from gym end. It's nearly 2 months, but not fully two months. Therefore, it's not unusual to not find any significant improvement, but I did find something interesting.

1. My strength improved, (which is unsurprising as I pretty much began from nothing) but my physical appearance doesn't seem to show any change. That's what I noticed. Perhaps, I'm like Bruce Lee in a way that I don't build huge bulks, but rather my muscle quality increases with workout. Who knows.

2. My trainer's reaction to the point I made above. I basically mentioned the previous point, and the trainer was like, "well, you look actually strong, you look like a guy with strength/power" And I was like, "really?" Look at my arm, it still looks the same as before (although strength definitely improved). The guy wasn't assertive about the point. It felt as if he sorta wanted to agree with me, or not try to argue with me. At the same time, he made a last point that I am a lot stronger than how I see/think about myself and my strength. (Which he said after I finished my 1 minute plank, which was setting new record. Yes, it was hard and tough, but I did it, without too much hassle.)

3. Trainer being friendly. We got to talk about some booze and food, and he invited me. Nothing unusual, or overtly interesting, but I thought to report.

4. My body strengths. This is not related to DMSI, but I did get to understand my body better. For instance, the trainer told me that my legs are exceptional (or my lower body in general is exceptional. The trainer told me that if he expected 1 from me, I gave 7 or 8 from my lower body), shoulder's superb, especially the rate at which it grows. My big muscles (like chest and back) are good too, but I find that it's not growing at a rate that it can, because my arm (hand, forearm, biceps, and triceps) are too weak compared to these muscles. My core's good too. (Well, it's getting to a point that I can start SolidCore, if was in the US.) In general I got to learn and understand about my body much during these time.

Last night's phone call was also showed something interesting.

1. PayPal customer service experience. One of the places I had to call was PayPal, as it's locking me out due to the region lock. (My emails were the same, and the regional restrictions was the one that fucked me up with academics as I had so much trouble accessing my email account, such that I had too much difficulty contacting professors, and any other related people that it messed up with my final paper such that I couldn't get my degree (to summarize the issue short) All of these remind me some conspiracy theory that eventually travel would become highly controlled and restricted. It's quite applicable to my case at least. So annoying. Protection from identity theft and fraud is hurting me. LOL). I had to call PayPal three times to basically fully understand the situation.

The first time, it was a guy who picked up a phone. He was rushed, rude, and in the worst point, he hanged me up even before I finished my point. This never happened to me before, and in fact it was one of the worst phone call experience I ever had. (Besides, I always do my best to treat the customer service rep. with utmost respect and manner, even if they were to be rude, and the problems are all on their end.)

On the other hand, later two calls were with women, one older and the other younger, and they all went out of their way to help resolve my issues. They were quite nice too. Unfortunately, the issue hasn't been resolved, but I sorta know what needs to be done. (Nonetheless, annoying and nearly impossible to resolve issue.)

I also had to call my bank, but I didn't have issues with the guy on the phone. He was quite nice as well.

In summary, I am starting to see a pattern such that some people are nicer to me, while some are treating me badly (or rudely). Previously, most, if not all the people were nice to me. It's like in the past, everybody was mediocre to a bit nice to me, now it has become more polarized to a point that some are bad, while some are really nice.

One potential reverse resistance I want to report is that I cut pretty much all porn and looking at celebrity pictures. However, there is one girl that I am sorta following. I don't spend much time, but I am still doing it. What's interesting about this girl is that she's more realistic in seeing in person, and actually meet than others, but nonetheless, I don't know her in person, so it's still a waste of time.

The other potential reverse resistance is that I masturbated last night. Well, it's longer than my previous habit, but my abstinence only lasted four days, so it isn't all that great. The odd thing was that I didn't feel really like doing it, but I did it for the sake of doing it. (I don't know why I did it.) Yes, I used porn to help, but I found it boring. Another thing that was interesting was that the masturbation didn't really give me pleasures, despite having much semen ejaculated. (I noticed that it usually gives me much more pleasure if I have much semen ejaculated. )

Back to potentially good thing or neutral thing, I found that I had a small dream of having a sex with a woman who has a good body (not great, but good), pretty much right before I fell into a deep sleep. Also it was a nap, not a night sleep. Another thing I noticed is that I usually lie down flat on stomach, and it somehow gives me erection, desire to have sex (I suppose in the missionary position), imagination of having sex, and etc.

I shall try to resist the reversal resistance. It may be easy, or may not be so easy. Still, I'm gonna try. Cutting porn has been relatively easy, as it's becoming very boring, and it doesn't turn me on. Apart from that specific girl I found online, I don't really look at any other girls' picture. Masturbation may be more difficult, but at least there is a good sign that my abstinence lasted longer than previous case (2 days), so it's looking good. After all, I gotta take one step at a time, and I am not in a rush to get to the goal. I am relaxed in reaching the goal, so it's all cool.

For some reason (or based on what I have experienced), I have a feeling that within a year, at the longest, I would probably get a girlfriend, if not get laid also. I don't know, it's the feeling I have. Although I am having reversal resistance and not executing the script fully, I have a feeling that it will be pretty soon that I will reach my and DMSI's goal.

[sw72hw]

Nothing special to report for these two days, except that the reversal resistance just got strong again.

I masturbated last night, watching some random porn. It just became harder abstain.

The question is, should I consciously fight these reversal resistance, or should I follow whatever I feel like doing?

[Shannon]

Nothing special to report for these two days, except that the reversal resistance just got strong again.

I masturbated last night, watching some random porn. It just became harder abstain.

The question is, should I consciously fight these reversal resistance, or should I follow whatever I feel like doing?

The question is, do you want to achieve the goals of the program or not? Allowing your subconscious to derail the script is going to be a "not" vote. Why would you even ask that ridiculous question?

[sw72hw]

Nothing special to report for these two days, except that the reversal resistance just got strong again.

I masturbated last night, watching some random porn. It just became harder abstain.

The question is, should I consciously fight these reversal resistance, or should I follow whatever I feel like doing?

The question is, do you want to achieve the goals of the program or not? Allowing your subconscious to derail the script is going to be a "not" vote. Why would you even ask that ridiculous question?

Day 2.2

Did two loops US over speakers while going to sleep.

No external results.

Day 2.3

I'm currently waiting for my disciplinary meeting. I've got a pretty solid defence lined up. If they still want to punish me, it's going to be just for the sake of it on their part.

Just ate some porridge and I'm willing the celebrity aura into action to assist me. I'm sure that it doesn't work like that.

Still keeping my caffeine consumption low.

Involving the conscious mind in executing the script can in a lot of cases help a lot.

Okay, involving the conscious mind in executing the script can help. This was the part I wasn't sure about. I wasn't sure whether I should just run the program, forget it, and let the subconscious mind to be eventually sorted out by itself (through the help of subliminal) and guide my action and conscious mind, or consciously try to guide subconscious mind.

This was the reason why I asked that "ridiculous" question.

[Shannon]

Nothing special to report for these two days, except that the reversal resistance just got strong again.

I masturbated last night, watching some random porn. It just became harder abstain.

The question is, should I consciously fight these reversal resistance, or should I follow whatever I feel like doing?

The question is, do you want to achieve the goals of the program or not? Allowing your subconscious to derail the script is going to be a "not" vote. Why would you even ask that ridiculous question?

Day 2.2

Did two loops US over speakers while going to sleep.

No external results.

Day 2.3

I'm currently waiting for my disciplinary meeting. I've got a pretty solid defence lined up. If they still want to punish me, it's going to be just for the sake of it on their part.

Just ate some porridge and I'm willing the celebrity aura into action to assist me. I'm sure that it doesn't work like that.

Still keeping my caffeine consumption low.

Involving the conscious mind in executing the script can in a lot of cases help a lot.

Okay, involving the conscious mind in executing the script can help. This was the part I wasn't sure about. I wasn't sure whether I should just run the program, forget it, and let the subconscious mind to be eventually sorted out by itself (through the help of subliminal) and guide my action and conscious mind, or consciously try to guide subconscious mind.

This was the reason why I asked that "ridiculous" question.

It was ridiculous because it was a blatant attempt by your subconscious to get you to disregard the script and act against it, and the fact that you were even considering it was what was ridiculous.

[sw72hw]

Based on Shannon's answer, I am going to try to deliberately abstain myself from watching porn and masturbation. I have no idea how successful I will be, but we shall see.

Again, nothing special to report, except that I found myself to be more irritable. Yet, the irritability soon disappeared.

Weather's getting better, and it makes me want to go out. I'm considering buying drone and go out and perhaps join a drone group or so.

Currently considering buying DJI Mavic Air, or Pro. I also consider waiting for the Pro 2 to come out.

[sw72hw]

Again, nothing to report, but I think I am having reversal resistance, at the same time resistance to reversal resistance itself.

For instance, last night, I watched some random porn, although I didn't masturbate. (It didn't turn me on either.) However, I also deleted quite a bit of porn I had.

It's difficult, but I think I am progressing slowly.

Also, I am feeling much fatigue, that's probably because I haven't had much sleep. (Although I had lots of naps.)

I think I will have more opportunity next month of seeing potential change, as I will have more social stuff going on. I shall say more once that time comes.

[sw72hw]

I read some of stuff in Shannon's journal discussion. I found this quote to be resonating.

I think the two biggest things holding you guys back are the prison bars you have created for yourselves from fear of succeeding at the goals (not knowing yet how to get from Point A to Point C, with Point B being scary because it is undefined), or being afraid of women, sex, the potential consequences of having sex, or maybe even your own sexuality;

...and the prison bars you have created for yourselves concerning what it means to "be a man". A lot of you have so built your core identities on "Me man, me must hunt, me must be initiator, me must be aggressor, me must do all work, me man!" that you cannot conceive in your own heads of being a man and being so high value that none of that is actually necessary. The really high value males, the real top level guys, the guys who are truly the cream of the crop, they do not chase because they never have to! You instead are stuck in the logical fallacy of insisting on the past: 1. It has never happened to me before that way, so obviously, it never will. 2. I have never seen a woman come on to a man in real life, so obviously that is impossible. 3. I have never been that high value before to a woman, so obviously, I never will.

These are the final barriers we face for almost all of you. Think about them. Realize how much YOU are stopping yourself by accepting these as true. I already have programming in the script that tries to deal with all of this, but you guys are fighting it so hard in a lot of cases that you refuse to allow it to execute, and refuse to open yourself to the new reality in which these beliefs are no longer limiting you.

After reading this, it made me better understand some of my fear about achieving the goal. Probably, the consequence of achieving the goal is the scariest part, then the unidentified, unknown territory being the next. Third would be, not knowing how to get there, and the last thing, may be women themselves, although I think I don't have that much fear about women. (It definitely decreased overtime from the past.) Strangely, I am not entangled with with the frame/paradigm that a man must do all the work, such as chasing, initiating, going on dating, escalating, and etc. Also for me, it isn't all that difficult to imagine women chasing me, although I don't remember having that experience/memory (maybe, I did have that experience, but). Still, I think that I sorta deny the possibility of that (women chasing me and escalating) happening to me.

I also think that logistics (although it's important) has become an easy excuse to not fully achieving the sub's goal. Perhaps, it's also something that's an easy escape from fully executing. At the same time, it's very silly to think logistics issue. For instance, I don't have a place for sex. (Home is not an option where I can bring a girl and have sex), nor I have enough money, or my own secret finance that I can book a room. Yet, this is quite silly. A girl, whom I may have sex with, could have her own space. Time wise, there's always a weekend, and if the girl's great, my parents would be welcoming me seeing her. (Although I'm not sure how they would feel about having premarital sex. One part of me thinks that they would seriously be infuriated, at the same time, I think they may look away.) Or, the girl may have enough money so that she can do all the financial work (i.e. buying condom, booking a room.)

There are endless possibilities of making that goal (i.e. getting amazing sex consistently), and it shouldn't be that hard. Yet, somehow it feels very hard, and I feel very lost at how to get there.

Now that I better understand about some of my fear, and can name them (before, I knew there was something uncomfortable for me, but I couldn't pin point which ones ). I wonder what I can do next, other than listening to the sub itself.

[sw72hw]

Nothing special to report, except that I have been abstaining from masturbation or watching porn for about 5~6 days.

I think I can do this longer without too much trouble, but I also find that it is a very delicate process that I can go down hill very easily.

Let's see how far I will go. Or I may get sex sometime soon, which would be great.

[Zane]

Man, reading ur journal and Shannon's reply nearly answered all my questions.