(01-04-2017, 09:56 PM)SargeMaximus Wrote:(01-04-2017, 09:46 PM)eternity Wrote: Man truth be told, I'm like really sad. Chaos said it best. "My soul is mourning". So even though I'm getting externals, my internals are still jacked up. It should get better in a couple days, as the clearing unfolds and dies down. The crying is really cleansing though. I wouldn't mind crying some more, as there is a lot of grieving I have to do.
I hear you man. I used to have that a LOT (maybe I still do but it's repressed, idk), but like you said: Alphas can cry. And it's true.
I read somewhere that in packs of dogs, the lowest ones on the social ladder always pretend to be ok, even if they're sick, hurt, or starving because they don't want to show weakness. While the alphas do/can.
As for externals, I'd love to have externals even without internals.
Good to know that about the animal kingdom. I think the soul mourning feeling is clearing the parts of my childhood I don't remember. For some reason or other I have lapses in my memory throughoutmy childhood. I've been told it might have been dissociation due to trauma, which would make sense. I'm at a place in my life now where I am okay with showing my emotions publicly, whereas before SM3 I would have been completely against it. Something about the healing that took place in 2016 actually opened the flood gates and the water started finally coming; all of last year, even if I wanted to release, I couldn't. I'm grateful to be able to, now.
As far as externals without internals, it's really just a tease. It's like I'm getting all worked up, getting excited about all the attention I'm getting, only to have it end in a cliffhanger because I didn't have the internals to be congruent with the externals and take it the next step forward. I know it is difficult to comprehend being on your side looking at mine, but I was where you are looking at people who had the externals thinking how great it would be. But we should not underestimate the internals because the solid unshakeable foundation a man should have is what draws others to him. Case in point, and I mean no disrespect by this, but our own Dzemoo was a great example of great externals incongruent with internals. The man was battling so many demons on the inside that he just couldn't wrest satisfaction out of his life when it came to women. But his externals were always on point, and I looked at his journals with envy. Honorable shoutout to him though, he contributed a lot to this board and it's a sad thing that he's no longer with us. Shoutout if you're reading this: come back, we miss you Dzemoo.
But it's only a matter of time sarge. If we keep doing what we're doing, we'll be drowning in kittens soon enough!
