DMSI 3.1 - The Journal

[Shawn]

What if she has her legs closed but doing so is exposing her camel toe?

That's pretty much what it looked like. Legs in front in chest close together but lower legs spread so I had a nice view most of the time. Later she crossed legs with hand in front of her pussy.

[Shawn]

Yesterday had a lot work at home that was overdue so I wasn't out. Felt most of the time charged sexually. Later the evening I started a dating app and got a match. Immediately she started messaging me. After two or three messages she gave me her number and said we can talk in whatsapp. However after messaging her in whatsapp she stopped responding Whatever...

[Shawn]

Quick update again. Yesterday I was soooo horny all the time. I really could have fapped endless. But as much I wanted to (did once) in one way, in another way I felt like "ehhh, no, that's boring". I think in the past I would have done it several times the day.

Today I had a dream where I was almost vomiting because I ate some bad fish. As I woke up after the dream I really felt like having a slightly upset stomach. This might be resistance as I listened to my loops much louder yesterday but I also wonder if the fast energy extraction from food can also cause some upset stomach in long term. As I was out for dinner later I maybe had an IOI but it was too weak to say this for sure.

However, at the moment the focus seems to be internal. I am thinking a lot about the past and listened old songs from my childhood (like "The Final Countdown"). I also have to think a lot about how I socialized when I was a kid and I really wish I would have been even forced to do more. Actually I think it would have been great if my parents had forced me to join scouts or something similar. Yes, I really think forcing me to do this would had a good impact for me in long term.

On the other note I notice some increased tendency to sabotage the results like drinking coffee or beer (state shifting) or even the urge to listen to hybrid (more resistance or even stonewalling for my type, but I didn't). Compared to what was in the past it is laughable but it is there. Anyway, as I thought about it then a thought crossed my mind like "this is the last resistance, no more left". Maybe I can have my breakthrough soon.

[Blink]

Damn... It's like you're describing me!

Btw, nicely synchronized username, avatar, and title!

[Choice]

Today I had a dream where I was almost vomiting because I ate some bad fish.

I'm guessing your subconscious is symbolizing the bad fish to DMSI, and wants you to stop "feeding" it with. It sounds like you're on the edge of a breakthrough.

[Shawn]

Damn... It's like you're describing me!

Looks like people experience similar things here. I somehow wonder if we are creating some sort of collective reality bubble with all the DMSI users.

Btw, nicely synchronized username, avatar, and title!

Thanks. I didn't realize how good it really matches until I had done this changes.

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Other than that I am too tired for an update. Will post tomorrow.

[Shannon]

Quick update again. Yesterday I was soooo horny all the time. I really could have fapped endless. But as much I wanted to (did once) in one way, in another way I felt like "ehhh, no, that's boring". I think in the past I would have done it several times the day.

Today I had a dream where I was almost vomiting because I ate some bad fish. As I woke up after the dream I really felt like having a slightly upset stomach. This might be resistance as I listened to my loops much louder yesterday but I also wonder if the fast energy extraction from food can also cause some upset stomach in long term. As I was out for dinner later I maybe had an IOI but it was too weak to say this for sure.

However, at the moment the focus seems to be internal. I am thinking a lot about the past and listened old songs from my childhood (like "The Final Countdown"). I also have to think a lot about how I socialized when I was a kid and I really wish I would have been even forced to do more. Actually I think it would have been great if my parents had forced me to join scouts or something similar. Yes, I really think forcing me to do this would had a good impact for me in long term.

On the other note I notice some increased tendency to sabotage the results like drinking coffee or beer (state shifting) or even the urge to listen to hybrid (more resistance or even stonewalling for my type, but I didn't). Compared to what was in the past it is laughable but it is there. Anyway, as I thought about it then a thought crossed my mind like "this is the last resistance, no more left". Maybe I can have my breakthrough soon.

No hints here. Nope. Nary a one. *whistles blithely*

[Shawn]

No hints here. Nope. Nary a one. *whistles blithely*

Lol, I guess you are sarcastic...

[Shawn]

Update. Yesterday was my work day and it looks like it was also my LM day. After starting working I realized I had a huge gap in my plan. As it wasn't my fault it means I get paid for that time. Free paid time. Cool. So I went to McDonald and ordered some food. While waiting the girl gave me a butt display but I wasn't sure it was one. So I ate my food and decided I want an extra burger. I ordered it and while waiting I got another butt display from the same girl (she took something from the bottom shelf both times). But this time I stand and different place and still the butt was turned in my direction.

Later I had to park my car and I hoped to get a parking slot in a shadow place. After arriving I noticed there were NO parking slots left at all. So I drove to the end at the parking area and turned around. As I did I noticed few cars leaving. But at the same time new car arrived. Fuck. But I also noticed two girls talking at one of the cars. So I waited....and waited...but they were still talking. So I thought, ok, fuck it, lets look for another parking slot. The same moment another car left. Guess what? It was one of the rare parking slots in a shadow place. Jackpot. Oh, I forgot, while waiting a guy approached me and asked me if I want his parking ticked as he is leaving and doesn't need it anymore and it is paid until tomorrow. Cool. Of, course I want.

After parking I had some time left so I stayed in the car. While waiting another car arrived in front of me. A girl came out of the car and looks at me. Immediately after looking she got her upper body into the car and acting like fixing or taking something out of the car while sticking her butt out in my direction - and it took like forever. Of course she didn't take anything out of the car but gave me a nice view. Great.

Later before going to bed (and after my loops) I noticed I feel like I had taken some muscle relaxants. Was absolutely relaxed. After waking up today still feel completely relaxed. But before waking up I had a really weird dream about Shannon. The dream was about Shannon making videos of himself with different haircuts (!). In one of them he had long, curly hair like Slash from Guns n'Roses. And he didn't even looked like himself but more like a Latino, lol. Don't know what this dream was really about but I thought it was weird enough to mention here.

Today the focus seemed to be more internal again. However, in the train there was a girl looking at me several times again and again. And I noticed the aura firing up. Later there was a girl I had soooo strong urge to grab her ass that I really had to control myself to not do it. I really never had such a strong urge to grab an ass of a unknown girl. Some will say now it was the autopilot so why not? Well, taking the local, feminine-friendly laws it was really risky, especially that she was with a (female) friend and there were a bunch of people around. Not good.

In the last few days I had also some girls smiling at me while I was looking in their eyes. With some I was comfortably, with some I wasn't and with some I was simply not used to get that kind of attention and simply looked away. So I guess it's still some way to go.

Another thing I am somehow disappointed of a girl of my study course. We wanted to learn together but it looks like she is only interested in meeting me if she can profit from (and in this case she can't because I am that bad as she is). Not that she didn't help me when I asked something but it was usually asking her questions over text. In other notes she was always busy. And I didn't even try to game her or something. They always seem to be interested if they can profit from, no matter if it is sex, entertainment or money. It really sucks. Anyway, so far for today.

[Shawn]

More internal stuff going on. Today after waking up I was thinking about why I so rarely approach women. The answered which popped in my mind was "I don't wanna be shamed". So basically the most prominent thing at this time seems to be "fear of being shamed". But there is more. It was like all interconnections popped up in my mind one after another. Next moment I have seen a moment from my childhood where I liked a girl and others found out and made fun out of it. I felt ashamed. Nowadays it is more like I want to prevent being shamed at something by doing something wrong or by being sexual assertive. But the thing is people can always find something to make you feel ashamed and I think this is a reason (or one reason) why I am so reserved and not open. I mean if you don't interact with people or hold back when you have to interact for some reason there is little to no chance of being shamed. And my lack of social skills literally reinforces all this as the possibility of doing something wrong is even greater here. So basically being alone and isolated is the solution (not really, but you are "safe" from being shamed).

Another thing, after listening to my loops today I became very tired and felt almost immediately asleep after the loops were finished. Before falling asleep I felt this really relaxed feeling but it didn't feel good this time and I also felt some heat like having fever (very different than aura heat). After waking up again after almost two hours I felt an intense fear. It was fear from loosing myself, loosing my identity forever if I continue listening so I can never be me again. Very strange. And this fever and unpleasant relaxation thing seemed also to trigger some hypochondriac tendencies. Didn't have this kind of stuff happening for very long time.

Saying this it is really ridiculous that we have to "torture" ourselves with subs for years just to be able to get what is our birthright. Sick.

One more thing, yesterday I found a woman from my past on a social media platform and added her. She added me as well. I don't even know why I did it. I mean she is probably the most sexually attractive person I have met. You literally couldn't leave her alone for a minute without having guys hitting on her. But on the other note she is one of the most toxic and manipulative women I have known. So if she gets sniped she definitely gets also anti-sniped. So far my update.

[Benjamin]

I really never had such a strong urge to grab an ass of a unknown girl. Some will say now it was the autopilot so why not?

Haha I had something similar at the gym yesterday. A girl i've known for ages and talk to a fair bit, but it's never gone anywhere.

She was laying down between some exercises, and I walked near her to get a massage ball and I had this really strong urge to grab her ass, in my mind I seen myself doing it and imagined it pretty strongly. Then I kind of 'woke up' and was like "damn.." and laughed to myself.

[Shawn]

I really never had such a strong urge to grab an ass of a unknown girl. Some will say now it was the autopilot so why not?

Haha I had something similar at the gym yesterday. A girl i've known for ages and talk to a fair bit, but it's never gone anywhere.

She was laying down between some exercises, and I walked near her to get a massage ball and I had this really strong urge to grab her ass, in my mind I seen myself doing it and imagined it pretty strongly. Then I kind of 'woke up' and was like "damn.." and laughed to myself.

Indeed, it was pretty strong. In the imagination I could almost feel like her ass would feel like, lol.

[Shawn]

Didn't update last days as there was nothing special to report. I am taking some pre-preparations for my exams so I am very busy with. The sub seemed to continue work on an inner level until yesterday night. There I noticed the aura kicking in again. Today there were at different times two women I know with high crossed legs most of the time (which is unusual for both of them). One of them made the impression of trying to cross her legs higher and higher. I felt the aura at these times very strong but something was different today. It wasn't only sexual, there was also some really loving energy. If I had to guess I would guess it was some unconditional love.

[Shawn]

I started B today and intend to run it for a week to test the waters. For the notes, I had already run 3.1 for about two weeks before MHS so summed up I did A for about a month now.

After starting B I started to feel very relaxed and towards the end of the first loop I also started to get tired. So I decided to take a nap while doing the second loop. I almost crashed immediately and woke up about two hours later. Man, this really knocked me out. Anyway, after waking I took my mobile and saw a respond of one of my matches. But after starting the app all my matches and also the response was gone. This really frustrated me and a lot of negativity came up. I felt like I will stay forever this awkward ugly guy and can be lucky if any woman on this planet will touch me at some point. The negativity continued and at the end I felt like I will never accomplish anything, only if the world would do me a great favor. Funny enough, after these thoughts a memory from my childhood came up where I was trying to do something. Then an adult came up, took the stuff out of my hands and said "No, you simply can't do it, you don't make it right, I have to do it for you". This memory really hit me hard and I feel like shit. I mean it explains why I have so many difficulties with such a disempowering belief.

Other than that there seem to be almost no resistance at all. Here and there a feeling of headache but only lasting for a second or so and only happened few times. So if there is some resistance I don't notice.