DMSI 3.1 Journal

[Why So Serious?]

Just started yesterday after not listening to 3.0.1 for 7 days. I'm still listening at night. Just works better for me.

Day 1
While listening I did feel myself being cloaked with energy. I'm guessing that's the aura. It also felt like something was being cleared. Like an old belief.

The day went on as usual. Just went to work and got stuff done. I was considering giving a shot counseling but decided not to. Instead I went ahead a took my nephews to the movies as I promised. Of course they enjoyed it and so did I. I had quite a bit of anixety making sure that they were safe and pulling myself together at the same time. No I didn't meet anyone.

Now thinking back I would have done something like that but I'm glad I did. I hope doing stuff like that will help me to bond with them and help out with my anxieties of going out. I'm trying just in my own weird way

As for the counseling I did find other places to go to that wouldn't be as suspicious as going to say the LGBT center, not as far and not dealing with a whole lot of traffic. I'll be giving the other ones a try. It would probably be better to go there but For now I'm laying low I'm not sure how certain people are going to take it.

[Why So Serious?]

Yesterday or today I didn't do much. I feel like a troll or something only coming out for food or water. I'm constantly eating and craving food too.

I still feel like something is being healed on the inside.

I did study a little and actually made a video for blog I had been wanting to work on for a while. Just need to get the blog up and running. I have always had feeling that it could really take off but never got to work on it. I still feel like the idea isn't worth any time but I could at least give it shot right?
I'm waiting on the other laptop to get fixed. I'm currently using my old one and it is really starting to show it's age. I don't think it will live much longer. Which is another reason why I don't want to really work on it too much. I'm not a big fan of transferring stuff from one computer to the next.

For some odd reason I also want to upgrade to a better laptop so there is that too. Should got it over with last year, but I just needed something and didn't really have the money for what I wanted at the time. I also swore up and down I knew I was getting a good enough computer but that wasn't the case. It helped get me by for the time being. Already decided which one to upgrade too.

The computer upgrade and blog are decisions I have been fighting with myself for you don't want to know how long. It's nice to see I'm closer to having those sorted out.

Now I need the motivation to put it to good use.

[Shannon]

The cloaked in energy might also be the auric shielding.

[Why So Serious?]

@Shannon
Cool didn't the sub had that. I really need it. I'm also pretty excited about LM/US combo as well.

I gave the hybrid a try after a very long time. I was listening to the masked before. I have that I don't like being told what to do personality type. So far I had some downs through out the day but I did recover somewhat.

Once again nothing to interesting.

I lost 3 lbs. even though I've been eating more the last couple of days.

Went back to doing the five rites and this morning after doing them felt very warm. Like I did a lot more exercising than I did. I only lasted 15min.

The feeling to stop procrastinating is getting stronger everyday. I have my relaspes still but it's getting better.

Work was okay for once. Co-worker wasn't there and another one left so I had to work the front desk. Didn't really work for a couple of hours. In that span got some reading done, bought a couple of LGBT related books and about the theory of how systems work. It was a very productive for me not so much for the job. Like I care that much.LOL

[Why So Serious?]

Today I feel different. Like I'm free.

I don't have as much fear around authority. Boss and HR walked in and I just didn't care. I don't have that chained down feeling to that job anymore.

For some odd reason I see myself traveling a lot more in future. Kind of weird but sometimes I feel like I'm in the process of booking my ticket and making the necessary preparations. Almost told someone I was going out of the country for a while.

Oh almost forgot went to go get something to eat at fast food restaurant that I go to occasionally and saw the cute girl that works there. I still have really strong doubts about my gaydar however intuitively I thinks shes gay. That long eye contact says it all and that hovering. Also got a little warm and had this weird surreal feeling. Like is this really happening. Unfortuantely happened at the worst possible time because my mom was in the car.

Getting this very strong feeling to go back. LOL

I feel like kid at Christmas time. Yes I know there are other women out there. It's just nice to be actually happy about stuff like this.Yay

[Darkness]

I could see you having trouble with your gaydar considering how gay girls act nowadays. A little TOO touchy and the pet names the can for each other.

[wolverine_i_am]

Thanks for the reminder. I needa get back on the five rites too.