12-20-2016, 08:37 AM
I woke up this morning with a very strong feeling of oneitis for no one in particular. I could observe it as a ball inside of me, and notice it’s not helping me. On the contrary, it could be stopping me from moving forward. I wish I had the possibility to cut if off with a knife since I saw it as a parasite which had attached itself to my body and pretending to be beneficial to me. This feeling lasted for about an hour.
Later on, I observed that there are two types of women I am attracted to: those I I think I love(oneitis), and those I lust for. The former are typical Disney type relationships in my imaginations. I see ourselves holding hands while watching the sunset change to bright moonlight, and then change to a rising sun. Holidays in Paris, babies, and bla bla bla. Interestingly, I noticed I am not that sexually attracted to them. Kind of like a couple who have been together for many years and have lost their sex appeal even though they are still in love with each other. Weird shit!
The women I lust for are a different story. They are a bit older than me, and I have no interest in being in a relationship with them. I just want to F**K them!!! I can see ourselves being “animalistic” with each other, exploring the depths of our sexuality without guilt or shame, and go our separate ways after this exploration.
This is the first time this has become clear to me. Madonna-Whore complex, eh? Interestingly, even being an AFC I escalated unconsciously with some of these women I lusted for, even though I was too scared to take it to the next level. There is always a sexual tension when I meet these women. I am not talking about low quality women here, but women with respectable jobs in society, and some married to respectable men.
I am not sure about the origin of this, but I can now see that girls older than me have always shown an interest in me. Boy, was I dumb!! I have older sisters and most of their friends always went all girlie with me. They would get my number from my sisters and call me out of the blue just to say “Hi”! The more I think about it, the more I beat myself up for being an AFC and missing those clears signals. It reminds me a post from RTBoss a while back. I could relate to it then, but not at this present magnitude (I started using DMSI with V3).
ION, my appetite has dropped, but I consume insane amounts of water. For example, I consumed almost 5L of water on Sunday, but I was still thirsty when I went to bed. With all that water, I still did not get a clear urine. I did not drink that much water yesterday and today, but I still get way more thirsty than I normally am.
My laptop is faulty and I had to revive an old netbook. It is awfully slow even with Lubuntu. I can feel the frustration rising up within me but I can control it without even trying. Thanks DMSI,
Later on, I observed that there are two types of women I am attracted to: those I I think I love(oneitis), and those I lust for. The former are typical Disney type relationships in my imaginations. I see ourselves holding hands while watching the sunset change to bright moonlight, and then change to a rising sun. Holidays in Paris, babies, and bla bla bla. Interestingly, I noticed I am not that sexually attracted to them. Kind of like a couple who have been together for many years and have lost their sex appeal even though they are still in love with each other. Weird shit!
The women I lust for are a different story. They are a bit older than me, and I have no interest in being in a relationship with them. I just want to F**K them!!! I can see ourselves being “animalistic” with each other, exploring the depths of our sexuality without guilt or shame, and go our separate ways after this exploration.
This is the first time this has become clear to me. Madonna-Whore complex, eh? Interestingly, even being an AFC I escalated unconsciously with some of these women I lusted for, even though I was too scared to take it to the next level. There is always a sexual tension when I meet these women. I am not talking about low quality women here, but women with respectable jobs in society, and some married to respectable men.
I am not sure about the origin of this, but I can now see that girls older than me have always shown an interest in me. Boy, was I dumb!! I have older sisters and most of their friends always went all girlie with me. They would get my number from my sisters and call me out of the blue just to say “Hi”! The more I think about it, the more I beat myself up for being an AFC and missing those clears signals. It reminds me a post from RTBoss a while back. I could relate to it then, but not at this present magnitude (I started using DMSI with V3).
ION, my appetite has dropped, but I consume insane amounts of water. For example, I consumed almost 5L of water on Sunday, but I was still thirsty when I went to bed. With all that water, I still did not get a clear urine. I did not drink that much water yesterday and today, but I still get way more thirsty than I normally am.
My laptop is faulty and I had to revive an old netbook. It is awfully slow even with Lubuntu. I can feel the frustration rising up within me but I can control it without even trying. Thanks DMSI,
Confront your problems. Walk away from BS. Seek wisdom to know the difference.
