06-10-2017, 07:08 PM
Day 82
Currently listening to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkKulSH2nNc
I took a two-week break from the sub, realized that I originally told myself I would do the 90 days, and hopped back on. I decided to do B exclusively for the remainder of the next 8 days, though I will probably extend it longer.
The break helped, it let me process the sub and the effects of that time have been interesting to say the least.
Within 3 days of being off the sub, I basically put all the women I knew on ice. Some rather harshly ( Y ) and some much more gently ( K ). With K it was hard, because she didn't understand what was going on with me. I ended up telling her I just need some time to figure some shit out in my own head. She was hurt, so I asked her for the time, in an effort to make it easier on her. I've known her for so many years, I know I basically broke her heart when I asked for a break.
After that, I stopped focusing on women completely. I didn't realize what I don't give a f*ck meant until the last two weeks happened. I was so completely disinterested in women that even my boys noticed. We were out at a bar, and a cute girl, young, probably about 25, tried to chat me up and get to know me.
She started by asking where I was from and what I do. I replied asking her if that was the most interesting thing she could think of. She flustered around a bit and I shut her down completely and went back to drinking my beer. I barely spoke to my boy that night.
I also had a pretty continuous headache for a week. It was like all those resistance headaches I didn't have while on the sub, accumulated and decided to cash in on me when I thought I was in the clear. Karma's a bitch I tell you. But I love her anyway...
Yesterday I decided I would start DMSI up again, except this time I'm doing it at night. Just one loop also. One loop feels right for me, for some reason. No sooner did I start last night that I got sick today. I was tempted to buy MIR and use it, but, I have a feeling this isn't that kind of a cold. This seems to be more of my subconscious fighting me. Change is a violent thing, but if you retreat from it, you'll never know what could have been. So, I am going to push through it, because I know I'll come out of it a different man.
Hell, this may have been why I stopped at day 80 in the first place. I won't know for sure until I'm further down the line in my life.
Today, despite feeling like death, I drove out to a place in Jersey to pick some shit up. Went to a Paris Baguette while there and there was a really cute Korean girl at the register, with a rose tatted on her arm. Made small talk with her, but something inside me just clicked again and I knew the DMSI beast was ready to be unleashed. I could sense it in her as well. I refrained due to the fact that I wasn't physically there, but I am going to go back at some point when I'm in better health, and we'll see what happens then.
After I came home I decided I needed a triple threat of action. Watched Commando, Cobra, and Hard Target. For those of you who have never seen Hard Target, give it a chance, easily one of the best action movies of the 90's. It helped that it was directed by John Woo. His first American feature if I'm not mistaken.
Watching Cobra and Commando was awe inspiring and a little disheartening at the same time. I watched all those movies as a kid - my dad never quite got the whole filter thing, and god bless him for that - and man, there was so much machismo in those movies. And then I flicked through some modern hits and wow... just... wow...
Even Tom Cruise had machismo pouring out of his sweat glands in Top Gun. Now, he's an errand boy for a female mummy...
F*ck Man...
Currently listening to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkKulSH2nNc
I took a two-week break from the sub, realized that I originally told myself I would do the 90 days, and hopped back on. I decided to do B exclusively for the remainder of the next 8 days, though I will probably extend it longer.
The break helped, it let me process the sub and the effects of that time have been interesting to say the least.
Within 3 days of being off the sub, I basically put all the women I knew on ice. Some rather harshly ( Y ) and some much more gently ( K ). With K it was hard, because she didn't understand what was going on with me. I ended up telling her I just need some time to figure some shit out in my own head. She was hurt, so I asked her for the time, in an effort to make it easier on her. I've known her for so many years, I know I basically broke her heart when I asked for a break.
After that, I stopped focusing on women completely. I didn't realize what I don't give a f*ck meant until the last two weeks happened. I was so completely disinterested in women that even my boys noticed. We were out at a bar, and a cute girl, young, probably about 25, tried to chat me up and get to know me.
She started by asking where I was from and what I do. I replied asking her if that was the most interesting thing she could think of. She flustered around a bit and I shut her down completely and went back to drinking my beer. I barely spoke to my boy that night.
I also had a pretty continuous headache for a week. It was like all those resistance headaches I didn't have while on the sub, accumulated and decided to cash in on me when I thought I was in the clear. Karma's a bitch I tell you. But I love her anyway...
Yesterday I decided I would start DMSI up again, except this time I'm doing it at night. Just one loop also. One loop feels right for me, for some reason. No sooner did I start last night that I got sick today. I was tempted to buy MIR and use it, but, I have a feeling this isn't that kind of a cold. This seems to be more of my subconscious fighting me. Change is a violent thing, but if you retreat from it, you'll never know what could have been. So, I am going to push through it, because I know I'll come out of it a different man.
Hell, this may have been why I stopped at day 80 in the first place. I won't know for sure until I'm further down the line in my life.
Today, despite feeling like death, I drove out to a place in Jersey to pick some shit up. Went to a Paris Baguette while there and there was a really cute Korean girl at the register, with a rose tatted on her arm. Made small talk with her, but something inside me just clicked again and I knew the DMSI beast was ready to be unleashed. I could sense it in her as well. I refrained due to the fact that I wasn't physically there, but I am going to go back at some point when I'm in better health, and we'll see what happens then.
After I came home I decided I needed a triple threat of action. Watched Commando, Cobra, and Hard Target. For those of you who have never seen Hard Target, give it a chance, easily one of the best action movies of the 90's. It helped that it was directed by John Woo. His first American feature if I'm not mistaken.
Watching Cobra and Commando was awe inspiring and a little disheartening at the same time. I watched all those movies as a kid - my dad never quite got the whole filter thing, and god bless him for that - and man, there was so much machismo in those movies. And then I flicked through some modern hits and wow... just... wow...
Even Tom Cruise had machismo pouring out of his sweat glands in Top Gun. Now, he's an errand boy for a female mummy...
F*ck Man...
