Day 46
Currently listening to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V38psI8WIvI
I'm back on A, 6 days today. I'm going to run version A for another 9 days before I hop on B for another 15 day run. Version A this time around has been much more pronounced than the first time I used it.
I had some feelings and realizations this time doing A, that I hadn't experienced before.
One thing that became really pronounced for me is a memory that came to the surface on Day 42, my second day back on A. Blink asked me a few posts ago about whether I had read an author or not, because my attitude with women has become so direct. I realized 4 days ago why I am the way I am now with women.
Something about that realization, had made a profound impact progressively over the past four days.
When I was about 19 years old, I remember I was back in uni and there was this ridiculously attractive girl that I had a thing for. Did I mention she was ridiculously attractive? Yeah, anyway, I never had the nerve to step to her for whatever reason, but one day I found myself helping her with an issue she was having with one of the labs computers. Anyway, when I was done, I asked her if she would meet me at the lab the next day as I had something to ask her. She said sure. So, the next day I went back to the lab and sure enough, she was waiting for me. I finally went over to her and sat down, fumbled with my words, and managed to ask her if she'd have a cup of coffee with me. She looked at me for a second and asked me if that was all I wanted. I said yeah. She paused for a minute or so, and then said that she didn't think it was a good idea as her boyfriend probably wouldn't appreciate it.
It was an excuse, we both knew that, but she let me down gently. Something about that experience though, it made me realize that if I had come off and just asked straight out instead of turning it into some big production - I probably would have gotten her. Chances are I probably would have slept with her.
I think that experience ended up shaping a lot of my interactions with women after that. Not surprising, my sex life actually soared the months and years that followed that rejection. I hadn't thought of it for so long, yet that memory came back to me clear as day last Friday.
Anyway, something else happened two days ago that I found to be interesting also. Again, it relates to something that happened to me when I was really young and it shaped how I lived for the last 30 odd years or so.
I've tried writing out what it was that happened, but it's honestly ridiculous when I state it here, so maybe that's something I'll come back to on another post later on down the line. All I will say is, the healing is really interesting on A. I don't know how the correlation of healing works, but, it's much more emotionally 360 than just getting rid of bad memories of women for me.
I've also had certain experiences over the last two weeks where I'll have a flash of something perfect - like my mind and my body and everything is aligned and I know something so intensely. I have a perfect view of my future and who I am, but that is still fleeting. The feeling has gotten progressively stronger over the past few days however. It will be interesting to see if I can make that feeling a permanent part of my psyche.
As far as women are concerned, I had two different women I know, over the past week tell me outright that they wanted to f*ck me. This next bit is going to sound really obnoxious, but, I'm starting to understand how a hot girl feels. She's constantly being hit on by guys and she knows she can have any one of them she wants, and so she rarely wants any of them. She just entertains herself with their declarations of love.
I have a rotation of five different women right now that I know, who have made advances on me or have told me they have feelings for me, or like I said, straight out told me they wanted to f*ck me. I have women on the streets holding eye contact with me all the time now, brushing up against me. I had one chick follow me, like literally fucking follow me.
That was kind of creepy actually...
And the truth of it is, for most of the last few days, I kind of wanted to just be left alone as I had a shit ton of work to get through. I had one of the two chicks that said she wanted to f*ck me, texting me at 1AM last night asking when I would give her some time and why I don't just give her an answer as to whether I would go for her or not.
I don't take women seriously anymore... at all...
I will say one thing, the less you care about a girl, the more she wants you. I've come to realize that women are validation vampires for the most part. The minute you stop validating them, it's like you staked them through the heart, they turn to ash in your hands. Completely broken.
I'm in a strange place these days. It's an unknown sort of territory, but that's one of the things that I appreciate about where I am, and what DMSI has done for me.
This is also the longest I have been on any version of DMSI - I can only imagine what'll happen over the next few weeks of use...
Currently listening to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V38psI8WIvI
I'm back on A, 6 days today. I'm going to run version A for another 9 days before I hop on B for another 15 day run. Version A this time around has been much more pronounced than the first time I used it.
I had some feelings and realizations this time doing A, that I hadn't experienced before.
One thing that became really pronounced for me is a memory that came to the surface on Day 42, my second day back on A. Blink asked me a few posts ago about whether I had read an author or not, because my attitude with women has become so direct. I realized 4 days ago why I am the way I am now with women.
Something about that realization, had made a profound impact progressively over the past four days.
When I was about 19 years old, I remember I was back in uni and there was this ridiculously attractive girl that I had a thing for. Did I mention she was ridiculously attractive? Yeah, anyway, I never had the nerve to step to her for whatever reason, but one day I found myself helping her with an issue she was having with one of the labs computers. Anyway, when I was done, I asked her if she would meet me at the lab the next day as I had something to ask her. She said sure. So, the next day I went back to the lab and sure enough, she was waiting for me. I finally went over to her and sat down, fumbled with my words, and managed to ask her if she'd have a cup of coffee with me. She looked at me for a second and asked me if that was all I wanted. I said yeah. She paused for a minute or so, and then said that she didn't think it was a good idea as her boyfriend probably wouldn't appreciate it.
It was an excuse, we both knew that, but she let me down gently. Something about that experience though, it made me realize that if I had come off and just asked straight out instead of turning it into some big production - I probably would have gotten her. Chances are I probably would have slept with her.
I think that experience ended up shaping a lot of my interactions with women after that. Not surprising, my sex life actually soared the months and years that followed that rejection. I hadn't thought of it for so long, yet that memory came back to me clear as day last Friday.
Anyway, something else happened two days ago that I found to be interesting also. Again, it relates to something that happened to me when I was really young and it shaped how I lived for the last 30 odd years or so.
I've tried writing out what it was that happened, but it's honestly ridiculous when I state it here, so maybe that's something I'll come back to on another post later on down the line. All I will say is, the healing is really interesting on A. I don't know how the correlation of healing works, but, it's much more emotionally 360 than just getting rid of bad memories of women for me.
I've also had certain experiences over the last two weeks where I'll have a flash of something perfect - like my mind and my body and everything is aligned and I know something so intensely. I have a perfect view of my future and who I am, but that is still fleeting. The feeling has gotten progressively stronger over the past few days however. It will be interesting to see if I can make that feeling a permanent part of my psyche.
As far as women are concerned, I had two different women I know, over the past week tell me outright that they wanted to f*ck me. This next bit is going to sound really obnoxious, but, I'm starting to understand how a hot girl feels. She's constantly being hit on by guys and she knows she can have any one of them she wants, and so she rarely wants any of them. She just entertains herself with their declarations of love.
I have a rotation of five different women right now that I know, who have made advances on me or have told me they have feelings for me, or like I said, straight out told me they wanted to f*ck me. I have women on the streets holding eye contact with me all the time now, brushing up against me. I had one chick follow me, like literally fucking follow me.
That was kind of creepy actually...
And the truth of it is, for most of the last few days, I kind of wanted to just be left alone as I had a shit ton of work to get through. I had one of the two chicks that said she wanted to f*ck me, texting me at 1AM last night asking when I would give her some time and why I don't just give her an answer as to whether I would go for her or not.
I don't take women seriously anymore... at all...
I will say one thing, the less you care about a girl, the more she wants you. I've come to realize that women are validation vampires for the most part. The minute you stop validating them, it's like you staked them through the heart, they turn to ash in your hands. Completely broken.
I'm in a strange place these days. It's an unknown sort of territory, but that's one of the things that I appreciate about where I am, and what DMSI has done for me.
This is also the longest I have been on any version of DMSI - I can only imagine what'll happen over the next few weeks of use...
