10-02-2020, 12:14 AM
I'm frustrated by one issue. I don't seem to be respected, or viewed with any degree of respect by people. I notice that i'm not listened to, ignored at times avoided. It's something I've wanted to ignore but it's just there. I don't know if this is normal though.
When I was on AM6 people would often talk about me having a 'presence'. People would ask me to come to places, desire that I'm around. I remember friends contacting me out of the blue and asking me to go places and work colleagues valuing having me around. I had a boss who I rarely spoke to and was very aggressive actually say 'I missed having you arouund' when I'd returned from a week break.
Right now there's nothing of the sort. I feel no real power in my belly, no particular strength of character or purpose. Instead I feel kind of weak and frail in the presence of a lot of pressure and very important people.
I need a new job and the jobs that are being presented to me are ones with a lot of power and status relative to where I am, I feel intimidated at the prospect of dealing with those people. Even right now, my mind is constantly preoccupied with what people might be thinking about me in my current job. I was having some positive self talk but the weeds of self doubt are still there and they keep growing.
One thing I keep having to consciously remind myself of is that time and time again, the authority I give people and credit I give to people with authority turns out to be misplaced, they are more often than not good at portraying an image of authority and playing a frame game but underneath are petty, poor at judgment and lacking in any real virtue which would make their judgment in the interest of bettering the world.
I think the crux of the issue is I want to find a way to strengthen my personal character and self belief in the face of dealing with other people that doesn't mean I entirely disconnect with people. The other thing on AM6 was that I had zero interest in others, but this won't do in my current world. I have to navigate interactions well, learn from people , decide whether they're full of shit or not, listen to them and fascilitate their actions if they're good folks - that's what a leader is - but I can't do that when i'm so weak in resolve and so easily shaken by anyone with a strong frame/opinion.
LTU stage 2 seems to be doing some good on the motivation front but I've been very ill this last week which has left me trailing behind others at work Now I have to catch up.
The goal right now is to try and maintain some integrity with myself, better attention to my inner voice and some fealty to it (@Shannon is this something you can help with perhaps in one of the stages?). I'm also going to see if there are any energy exercises I can use to power up my own sense of personal authority which is very weak right now.
When I was on AM6 people would often talk about me having a 'presence'. People would ask me to come to places, desire that I'm around. I remember friends contacting me out of the blue and asking me to go places and work colleagues valuing having me around. I had a boss who I rarely spoke to and was very aggressive actually say 'I missed having you arouund' when I'd returned from a week break.
Right now there's nothing of the sort. I feel no real power in my belly, no particular strength of character or purpose. Instead I feel kind of weak and frail in the presence of a lot of pressure and very important people.
I need a new job and the jobs that are being presented to me are ones with a lot of power and status relative to where I am, I feel intimidated at the prospect of dealing with those people. Even right now, my mind is constantly preoccupied with what people might be thinking about me in my current job. I was having some positive self talk but the weeds of self doubt are still there and they keep growing.
One thing I keep having to consciously remind myself of is that time and time again, the authority I give people and credit I give to people with authority turns out to be misplaced, they are more often than not good at portraying an image of authority and playing a frame game but underneath are petty, poor at judgment and lacking in any real virtue which would make their judgment in the interest of bettering the world.
I think the crux of the issue is I want to find a way to strengthen my personal character and self belief in the face of dealing with other people that doesn't mean I entirely disconnect with people. The other thing on AM6 was that I had zero interest in others, but this won't do in my current world. I have to navigate interactions well, learn from people , decide whether they're full of shit or not, listen to them and fascilitate their actions if they're good folks - that's what a leader is - but I can't do that when i'm so weak in resolve and so easily shaken by anyone with a strong frame/opinion.
LTU stage 2 seems to be doing some good on the motivation front but I've been very ill this last week which has left me trailing behind others at work Now I have to catch up.
The goal right now is to try and maintain some integrity with myself, better attention to my inner voice and some fealty to it (@Shannon is this something you can help with perhaps in one of the stages?). I'm also going to see if there are any energy exercises I can use to power up my own sense of personal authority which is very weak right now.
