09-27-2021, 04:52 AM
Day 25; rest day 2; cycle 4
Day 26; rest day 3; cycle 4
A bit lazy yesterday. Missed my journal entry.
"Lazy" would be a good way to describe my weekend, except that I got some productive stuff done around the house. Saturday was a slower day; still felt some of the fatigue that I slept off.
Sunday was more of the same, except I didn't sleep in. During the day, I had a feeling return that I have had in the past - a feeling of being comfortable in my own skin. There was a definite tone to it this time, a tone of "settling in" but not "settling for". This time, I'm comfortable with where I am and where I'm going, even though I don't know everything about the journey, or the path I am taking.
There's been a lot of talk over the last few decades about singularities - events of such great impact that you can't predict what things will be like after the event until the event happens. E5 looks to be a singularity for me, stretched over the 8 months of its run. I don't know what other changes are in store, because I don't know what E5 is going to dig out and deal with - stuff I've forgotten, stuff I never noticed.
Even now, there's anxiety. I've started my daily loops, and that's become normal early in the loops. Anticipation, fear of the unknown, the thrill of continuing to step out where few will go.
Yes, fear. It's early in the run. There's still fear. Nothing consciously crippling. Just enough that E5 will still be cutting through it for a while. It's change, which is a threat to the familiar. And the familiar is comfortable. I've often said that "No one will accept change until the real pain of remaining the same exceeds the expected pain of change." And often, when we want change, we back out when we see that changing one thing requires changing another thing, and the other thing is something we don't want to change.
And all that is before you get to the deep subconscious stuff that @Shannon is engaging in these subs.
Seven more months.
Day 26; rest day 3; cycle 4
A bit lazy yesterday. Missed my journal entry.
"Lazy" would be a good way to describe my weekend, except that I got some productive stuff done around the house. Saturday was a slower day; still felt some of the fatigue that I slept off.
Sunday was more of the same, except I didn't sleep in. During the day, I had a feeling return that I have had in the past - a feeling of being comfortable in my own skin. There was a definite tone to it this time, a tone of "settling in" but not "settling for". This time, I'm comfortable with where I am and where I'm going, even though I don't know everything about the journey, or the path I am taking.
There's been a lot of talk over the last few decades about singularities - events of such great impact that you can't predict what things will be like after the event until the event happens. E5 looks to be a singularity for me, stretched over the 8 months of its run. I don't know what other changes are in store, because I don't know what E5 is going to dig out and deal with - stuff I've forgotten, stuff I never noticed.
Even now, there's anxiety. I've started my daily loops, and that's become normal early in the loops. Anticipation, fear of the unknown, the thrill of continuing to step out where few will go.
Yes, fear. It's early in the run. There's still fear. Nothing consciously crippling. Just enough that E5 will still be cutting through it for a while. It's change, which is a threat to the familiar. And the familiar is comfortable. I've often said that "No one will accept change until the real pain of remaining the same exceeds the expected pain of change." And often, when we want change, we back out when we see that changing one thing requires changing another thing, and the other thing is something we don't want to change.
And all that is before you get to the deep subconscious stuff that @Shannon is engaging in these subs.
Seven more months.
