Day 62
Shit, It has been a while since I updated my journal haha. I stopped running DMSI 2 days ago to benchmark my progress.
My hobbies have been the central focus for me to the point of almost obsession. I sort of half-assed photography before DMSI, and now I'm investing in the hobby much harder than before. Just started a 365 project....
There is still a significant disconnect between my how I perceive myself and how much I have changed. Yesterday, for example, I went to the communal space in the church and was surprised to see about 10-15 South Korean Christians that recently came from Korea to have a tour. I did very well in the social situation despite the elephant in the room(I don't understand Korean).
I walk into the communal area and immediately greeted in Korean and quick bow from everyone. Then a regular there introduces me to two Korean females, and I had a general conversation with them. I talked about general topics and such before putting my stuff down. So I put my stuff down and then I was hanging out with the water cooler and a Korean Girl approached me and talked about my school and places she has been in my city. Eventually, we started talking about places we have been in the city, and I became more animated in our discussion. Before I know it, I'm showing my pictures, entertaining and chatting up four Korean girls at the same time. I was backed into a wall with them surrounding me....
Here's the kicker: one of my friends say I should show my photography project, which I just started, to these people and I claim I'm shy...
I think it is due to fear of not being good enough and eventually is outclassed by other people. It invades like a virus to other aspects of my life
I see this in my professional development. I was questioning on whether I should even apply to a program that furthers my professional skills because I didn't think I was good enough and I was rejected before.
I see this in my hobby. A friend of mine, who is a director, is asking me to do Behind The Scenes photography work for his film. I questioned whether I am good enough for that. even though I did fine and my style of taking pictures is exactly what they needed...
This fear and insecurity are holding me back so much, and It is so frustrating to feel imprisoned by this feeling.
Shit, It has been a while since I updated my journal haha. I stopped running DMSI 2 days ago to benchmark my progress.
My hobbies have been the central focus for me to the point of almost obsession. I sort of half-assed photography before DMSI, and now I'm investing in the hobby much harder than before. Just started a 365 project....
There is still a significant disconnect between my how I perceive myself and how much I have changed. Yesterday, for example, I went to the communal space in the church and was surprised to see about 10-15 South Korean Christians that recently came from Korea to have a tour. I did very well in the social situation despite the elephant in the room(I don't understand Korean).
I walk into the communal area and immediately greeted in Korean and quick bow from everyone. Then a regular there introduces me to two Korean females, and I had a general conversation with them. I talked about general topics and such before putting my stuff down. So I put my stuff down and then I was hanging out with the water cooler and a Korean Girl approached me and talked about my school and places she has been in my city. Eventually, we started talking about places we have been in the city, and I became more animated in our discussion. Before I know it, I'm showing my pictures, entertaining and chatting up four Korean girls at the same time. I was backed into a wall with them surrounding me....
Here's the kicker: one of my friends say I should show my photography project, which I just started, to these people and I claim I'm shy...
I think it is due to fear of not being good enough and eventually is outclassed by other people. It invades like a virus to other aspects of my life
I see this in my professional development. I was questioning on whether I should even apply to a program that furthers my professional skills because I didn't think I was good enough and I was rejected before.
I see this in my hobby. A friend of mine, who is a director, is asking me to do Behind The Scenes photography work for his film. I questioned whether I am good enough for that. even though I did fine and my style of taking pictures is exactly what they needed...
This fear and insecurity are holding me back so much, and It is so frustrating to feel imprisoned by this feeling.
Phase 1: The Foundation
AM6(2020)
LTU v6(2020-2021)
OF v3(2021)
Phase 2
AM6 Refresher + SM3(2021)
AM6(2020)
LTU v6(2020-2021)
OF v3(2021)
Phase 2
AM6 Refresher + SM3(2021)
