Athena's Attracting Perfect Boyfriend Journal

[Athena]

Hello.
I got the "Attract your perfect boyfriend" subliminal on December the 10th and started using it and although at first I wasn't listening for that long I built it up quite quickly to listening for about 8 hours, sometimes more, once or twice it's been less but vast majority of the time 8 hours plus - first time I've listened to a sub this much BTW - with most of this time being during sleep. (Not allowed to listen to things at work, but I play the sub in the background at home too.)

Anyway, after some thought about whether to journal about my experiences with this subliminal or not I've decided I will, but it will probably be a matter of an entry every two months, and additional entries when things happen. I've decided I'm committed to listening to this sub daily for up and an including 9 months and see how things go.

It's been 3 years since I've had an actual boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, though I HAVE had dates and some lovers along the way, but not a boyfriend. I haven't always wanted that though these last 3 years, haven't always felt ready (I went through a divorce a little over three years ago, had a boyfriend right after (NOT a factor in the divorce!) but after a period of time trying to get him back, I've had times when I've been really curious about what it's like to be single and dating in my city and some other things I wanted to explore and did. And I don't think I would have been ready to have had a strong relationship right away straight after my divorce without a breather. In fact, I'm nearly done with a year off online dating and no sex allowed! Taking time out, but going back to online dating late April, and open to meeting someone offline. Since April last year, when I fell in love with someone, I've wanted a boyfriend, a romantic relationship very much.

Anyway, I want to share what I've experienced so far in terms of what I'm going to call "Inner Life" and "Outer Life."

While "Outer Life" is about things that happen regarding mostly men (because of the sub I'm using) but also other things that might be related, "Inner Life" will refer to attitude changes in myself, changes in my thoughts, feelings and so on.

Without further ado...I'm going to start with Outer Life.
Outer Life: OK, so I'm normally someone who doesn't encounter many men out there OFFline who I fancy so even for THIS to happen seems pretty damn cool. There is a guy at a part time job I have been going to and will be hopefully going to for a few more weeks. He started about two weeks ago, I think. I knew about the new person but when I saw him I thought mmmm! I find him really attractive and he's also very musical, which I love. So I enjoy the eye candy, even though I only see him very briefly. However, initially I sort of dismissed it cos he seemed to be checking out my colleague so I assumed he's not interested in me.

Anyway, I needed to talk to him about something (professionally-related) & I was telling a guy in a chatroom about this guy and how he made time to chat even though he was swamped with paper work and how he seemed very interested in a follow up conversation about that matter later and the guy said he thinks this guy might be attracted back.

What was embarrassing though is when I sat next to him to talk, I got to see him up close and yes he IS exactly my type and at one point I felt my cheeks go hot and I'm a bit paranoid that I might have been blushing! Plus I found myself interrupting him a bit. THAT I can change, the blushing, not so sure!

Anyway, whether anything ever happens with him, it's very nice

Inner Life: I think my attitude is changing back to how it was BEFORE I fell in love with that guy from my past...I mean I've been so "I REALLY want a boyfriend" and having a LOT of resistance that it won't happen for me and feeling discouraged and listening to negative things people say about it. ANYWAY, I fell like I'm going back to being more relaxed about the process on the whole than I WAS being, though I have my moments. Like I got some dating books and got excited about seeing what happens on dates if I try things from there - you know, when I'm not emotionally invested because I'm only just meeting the dates for the first time! There's a lot of changes I decided to make, before I even started the sub and I used my man break to reflect on that...including setting better boundaries. But now I'm quite excited about becoming this new me....also excited that in late April I will be getting back to online dating and meeting guys again, going on dates (which I enjoy in their own right) after having time out from all that...as in back to feeling excited about the journey not just hung up on the results. And my point is, I think the subliminal has definitely been a factor in me putting this in perspective.

I was going to write an entry on the 10th of Feb as that will be the 2 month mark, but I wanted to write this one now. (And will do a 10th of Feb one too.)

Soooo at this point, that's all I have to say about THAT!

[JackOfHearts]

Nice story, I'm hooked.

[cashmerecat]

Hey Athena! It's awesome that you have a journal for this sub. I'm running the same sub so I will be following yours. I've been only 2 weeks in so I don't want to write a journal yet, and since this might take a few months I prefer not to keep track but just let in run in the background and not care too much about it. I got awesome results with my previous sub which was Luck Magnifier so I have no doubt that this one will work too.

[4Kingdoms]

Hey Athena! It's awesome that you have a journal for this sub. I'm running the same sub so I will be following yours. I've been only 2 weeks in so I don't want to write a journal yet, and since this might take a few months I prefer not to keep track but just let in run in the background and not care too much about it. I got awesome results with my previous sub which was Luck Magnifier so I have no doubt that this one will work too.

@cashmerecat
I understand your reluctance to start a journal on the forum. May I suggest you keep notes offline. Sometimes you forget the little things that make things happen. Those coincidences, interruptions, or cancellations that lead you to your AYP Boyfriend.

[dweller94]

Athena, Good luck!

[wolverine_i_am]

Have fun!

[cashmerecat]

Hey Athena! It's awesome that you have a journal for this sub. I'm running the same sub so I will be following yours. I've been only 2 weeks in so I don't want to write a journal yet, and since this might take a few months I prefer not to keep track but just let in run in the background and not care too much about it. I got awesome results with my previous sub which was Luck Magnifier so I have no doubt that this one will work too.

@cashmerecat
I understand your reluctance to start a journal on the forum. May I suggest you keep notes offline. Sometimes you forget the little things that make things happen. Those coincidences, interruptions, or cancellations that lead you to your AYP Boyfriend.

Thanks, I took your advice and started an offline journal yesterday as I finally felt something shifting.

[Athena]

A minor update. (By the way, at first I was thinking Oh I'm not going to write about every little thing! and don't worry I'm not! But after reading some of your journals, which I enjoyed reading!! I decided OK I'm going to share this.)

It's also about 3 and a half to 4 days after the 2 months mark anyway.

First of all, I'm not as bummed out about Valentine's Day as usual. I was a little bit, on Friday morning but I think I bounced back a little sooner.

I haven't felt that great about some other things in my life, but I'm not AS down about not being in a relationship.

So that's the first thing I wanted to share and the second one is about my evening last night. I went to a meetup group event I wanted to go to. A good looking Italian guy was one of the members there and it was funny in a way cos he was sitting quite close to me & all smiley and later on when he had to join a new group (cos it was groups of 4 & I arrived before him) throughout the event I noticed him staring at me A LOT. Like every time I happened to look in his direction he was already looking at me. What's ALSO nice about that is that at first I thought oh DAMN it he's gone to another group & oh he's probably going to end up with that blonde girl over there in the group. But then I sorta said you know what who cares. And I overheard them talk & he's only in the country for a week anyway. But even before that I sort of ended up shrugging it off & just getting into the game my group was playing.

When I bought my 2nd drink at the bar, the barman who served me for that one thanked me in Portuguese. No idea why, even if HE was Portuguese it seems odd. Maybe he thought I was Portuguese? Anyway, when I left the bar, that barman (and he was good looking and my type physically) stared, waved and smiled. Which was odd but nice!

And when I was looking at my phone trying to get directions, this guy asked if I needed help with directions. But when he gave me directions he was giving me the BIGGEST smile, the sort of excited wow she's kinda hot smile, I kid you not!
He wasn't so much my type but he was decent I guess and that was nice!

But also, I wasn't trying to impress anyone, you know? Like I wasn't TRYING to get the Italian guy's eye or trying to DO or say anything to stand out & I was like OK these things are awesome but I wasn't trying too hard. So I think sub might be helping with that. Helping me put these things into perspective.

Nothing's happened with the guy at work & I'm starting to think it is only on my side but while at first I was bummed about that, can't deny it, after a couple of days I've kinda shrugged THAT off too.

So I think those are the main changes at the moment. That yes I do still want a boyfriend who's my type & it WORKS very much do I still want that but I'm putting it into perspective a lot more.

Plus re guy at work I was like you know what I'm not going to be all look at me. I'm SICK of being a bit like that at times. I even left the staff room rather than hang around hopefully. I'm more like yes I DO like him but if it happens it happens.

After a year off men and online dating, although I HAVE been open to a date with an offline guy but that hasn't happened and i allowed myself to go to this predominantly male chatroom & chat to the guys (but told them about the man break etc & turned down any offers) I will probably be going back to it in late April. Be interesting to see what happens then.

The only other things, actually, is a handful of guys staring at me on the train the last couple of days and also about a week ago, I was going to work and I moved a guy's bike - gently - so I could get past it to get off the train. He said "Aw, You didn't need to do that, I would have happily moved it for you." and HE gave me a sort of beautiful and kinda flirty smile. He was rather cute too! So I guess that's my update.

My next one will probably not be until, well...April the 10th is the 4 month mark, but it's more likely to be a little after the 24th of April, when my self-imposed online-dating-&-no-contacting-guys-from-the-past man-break officially ends & I go back & give online dating another go (with some serious inner work changes in my behaviour!)

[cashmerecat]

That's really interesting because I'm experiencing the same things. A lot more male attention. A guy followed me into Starbucks to ask for my number. Another guy who I have deeply friendzoned took me out on dates and treated me like a princess. There are so much synchronicities happening in my life right now, it's crazy. Whatever I think about lightly shows up in my life. But what I think hard about and want to manifest doesn't...haha. Maybe it's teaching me to let go!

[Athena]

A little update here. Not much to report on "outer life" except a guy was trying to hit on me on Friday! Decent-enough looking but no not right for me, but like I said, I think, in the city I live in this is rare that guys do that!

Inner life-wise, well I have seen that the way I acted with one particular guy is not an isolated incident. I can think of about 4 other times (with 4 other guys) I said things that either implied I wasn't interested when I WAS or that I wanted a more casual relationship than I did. So it's not always necessarily about me being "not hot enough" to get the kind of guy I like (though sure maybe in some cases) but that there has been some kind of block that has on a few occasions resulted in me saying things like that. Basically in sounding flippant when I wasn't. So that feels a bit like an insight to me that there are sometimes behaviours in me that do that and that I would like to change...and I see how it IS at a subconscious level.

I've also been thinking a fair bit about voice and body language and this wound up in me finding some chatrooms that are not just text but also voice (and sometimes cam too.) Not adult ones though in the first one some of the guys tried to treat it like that! I also started a chatroom of my own, very small one. So these things give me a chance to work on my voice & my body language and also being comfortable in front of a camera in case I decide to skype chat to potential dates before meeting them.

I guess that's about it, really.

I guess what I'm trying to say is maybe the sub is helping me to focus even more on the behaviours I want to change & less thinking I'm just not hot enough?

PS The guy I ruined the date with? (Two years ago but he
came up a few months ago on Facebook "people you may know" & I'd been
thinking of getting in touch...
I sort of erm cyber-snooped him ahem & saw that on his YouTube channel he
has a video by a pick up artist and a nasty one at that. I think some of the
pick-up artist gurus are OK those who encourage men to build their confidence up,
talk to women more etc..but this is one of those who is a borderline abusive one
SOOO basically I don't want to get in touch with that guy anymore, I don't want to
be with a guy who follows that sort of crap.
And I really do lament my terrible taste in guys..I hope the sub helps me pick better
ones next time, I really REALLY do!

Trying to see the positives here: at least I know NOW!
Ironically BTW date was a bust cos he thought I was a player HA!
Positive also is that if I got my perfect boyfriend too soon I
would not have had that extra time to work on my social skills, communication,
body language, try out the GOOD dating advice etc plus I enjoy dating for its own
sake as I'm a bit of an introvert so better one-to-one.
Nor do I now have to agonnize over what to say to try to
re-open contact & get him to give me a 2nd chance.
Sigh just trying to see the positives here.
My kingdom for a handsome, kind, smart, funny NON-player who sees the good in
me & treats me with the respect that I deserve! And part of finding the RIGHT boyfriend for me is eliminating all the guys who are WRONG for me.
I'm still bummed though, but at least I have clarity now & a
clear action path.

[Athena]

One other thing, if I added it before it would have been too long!
I have my new and up to date Tinder photo ready & I thought of a way to
inject some humour in one of the other photos!
One of the dating book's author says DON'T try to be funny on your profile but
I feel like rather than "trying to look pretty" well my main photo is good in a way anyway,
I feel like doing something DIFFERENT from what most girls do on there. Anyway erm
I don't HAVE to "try to be funny". Sometimes I DO have a good sense of humour & that's
something I'd like to showcase to potential dates & boyfriends & it's a quality I like about me.
I doubt I would have thought of the funny photo without sub influence but I don't know.

[Nox]

One other thing, if I added it before it would have been too long!
I have my new and up to date Tinder photo ready & I thought of a way to
inject some humour in one of the other photos!
One of the dating book's author says DON'T try to be funny on your profile but
I feel like rather than "trying to look pretty" well my main photo is good in a way anyway,
I feel like doing something DIFFERENT from what most girls do on there. Anyway erm
I don't HAVE to "try to be funny". Sometimes I DO have a good sense of humour & that's
something I'd like to showcase to potential dates & boyfriends & it's a quality I like about me.
I doubt I would have thought of the funny photo without sub influence but I don't know.

Funny can be sexy. Forced funny can be a turnoff. If you're able to be funny and you without trying I say go with your gut! Or to put it in girl lingo, go with your tummy.

[Benjamin]

Nothing wrong with funny, it adds to the attraction for me. If a girl has no sense of humor it's boring. If she does and can banter along with my random crap then I love it.

[Athena]

Time for a 3 month point update:

The changes I'm seeing at this point are mostly internal or what I'm referring to as "inner life" changes, not so much "outer life" but I believe that these things tend start on the inside first and build a firm foundation for those tangible results. But I'm going to write about both:

Outer life:

On the surface of it NOT so good in some ways. My work crush left for 2 weeks in another country & when he returns I won't be there as I have another job. So THAT'S dead in the water! And a guy I liked from the past, I saw a video on his youtube channel I found that showed me he's NOT a guy I want to pursue anymore. It wasn't a country & western music video or anything like that but something that showed me he's NOT boyfriend material.
So THAT kinda sucked, except for having that clarity, process of elimination.

Maybe I'm taking those things better than I normally would? Sure I DID feel a bit down about both those things, but I don't feel SO much like....OK, there's this theory of abundance some guys are taught to have with women. It's been really challenging for ME to have this with men as I'm very fussy. It's just the way I am. So in the past, when I liked someone especially if THEY were attracted back, they seemed almost like my only chance & I've tried incredibly hard to make it work with them. But this time I feel more like...OK, NEXT!
Not ENTIRELY like that. Because I WOULD have preferred things to work out with one of those guys who are "offline guys" - although I met video guy from online but I HAVE been on a date with him.

OK the other OUTER LIFE thing is yes, as Cashmere cat has also mentioned happening for her, guys are making eye contact with me again, I'm catching about 1-3 guys a day staring at me on the train most days.

And sometimes I remember to have better posture ha ha.

INNER LIFE: Well, see above about taking things not working out with those guys overall better than usual. But also, let me see now. The main thing I'm noticing is this:

I have an online journal but it's a private one that only I can see. Anyway I have several sections and I have one about my "man break" and anything I've experienced, learned and so on during this time out. (Yes, I COULD have broken it for either of those two guys but not allowed sex, online dating etc etc. contacting exes LOL! until April 24th.) Well, I've noticed a BIG difference in my journal entries in February and March.

In terms of the number of INSIGHTS I'm getting about how I want to do things differently when I DO get back out there.

Earlier on, all the way from April 24th 2015 till about the end of January, my entries are mostly about my feelings, any subs used etc. any enjoyable NON-dating experiences I've had, like some of the meetup group events I went to for e.g. But from about February and throughout March so far a LOT of my entries are ideas of what I can do differently, and hopefully BETTER and some reminders about things I already know.
So it's possible that the sub is helping me get ideas on how to be a better catch, how to come across as more of a "high value woman" and so on. And that's an insight I've had too.

Really seeing a pattern. I think I'm average-looking (yep I'm one of those women whose never her whole life felt pretty enough even though today I get told I'm beautiful more than in my 20s & I don't get why) but it's possible that the problem HASN'T been a lack of
"Hotness" like I have so often told myself it is, but instead a problem of
ineffective strategies & behaviours & I've also seen how much I sabotaged myself in the past with some guys.
Really seeing a pattern. Rather than seeing it as a few isolated incidences. But also getting ideas of what to improve and even how I want to make my new profile when I get back out there & I have it ready just not uploaded & copied & pasted on any site or app.

I think online I have experiencing a little bit of a difference, I feel like guys are being a little bit more romantic towards me instead of JUST sexual. This is an issue i had last time a LOT of sexual attraction from guys (NOT that I'm complaining about that but now that I want more than just sex I want to be getting more romantic attraction from them.) A softer energy. They will still flirt (not all of them, of course, but some of them. And some of them still ONLY flirt & act sexual but there is, I feel, creeping in there a bit of romantic "energy" there too.

It will be interesting to see what kind of guys I attract THIS time around when I DO end my self-imposed "man-break" and get out there on the dating things. Will I see that softer, more romantic energy there too and on my dates or will it be ignoring or very strong sexual energy only? Not sure as yet. Watch this space.