Athena's Attracting Perfect Boyfriend Journal

[4Kingdoms]

Earlier on, all the way from April 24th 2015 till about the end of January, my entries are mostly about my feelings, any subs used etc. any enjoyable NON-dating experiences I've had, like some of the meetup group events I went to for e.g. But from about February and throughout March so far a LOT of my entries are ideas of what I can do differently, and hopefully BETTER and some reminders about things I already know.

This is the part I love the most, that you were able to recognize the changes in your thought process. Excellent!!

[Shannon]

I learned something the hard way when dealing with attracting women, and I spend a lot of time teaching this same thing to guys who ask me for advice. Now I am going to share it with you, because it works equally well in both directions.

I used to have this thing where I was really picky. I mean I would shoot down every woman. And then I started realizing, it's not me being picky, it's me being afraid of being rejected. I was shooting them down for reasons that only made sense if that was true. And then I realized, I was trying to think for them and decide for them what they liked.

Of course everyone is individual and different, and you can't do that. So I had to stop myself and start asking, "Am I screening her out by trying to decide for her how attractive and worthwhile I am for her?"

When the answer was yes, I changed to disregarding the attempt to screen her out and allow her to make up her own mind instead.

Over time, I realized that while I didn't always find success with any woman I attempted to express interest to this way, for much the same reason - some people just aren't going to like me, and the way of the world! - I also found that a lot of women surprised me by responding with interest when I thought there could not possibly be any.

Guys frequently hide from their fears by shooting themselves down for the woman, without ever giving her a chance to see what she thinks.

Is it possible that you have done this to yourself?

[Life]

Shannon thanks for sharing that. I can relate. You're right not everyone is going to like what they see but I'd rather successfully express interest then flat out overlook them. It's another way of being yourself.

Athena Goodluck on the rest of your journey. I'm 24 and not looking to run AYP girlfriend yet

[Athena]

Awesome replies!

Shannon, it's more like when I've met a guy I DO like, I AM super attracted to that I've pushed him away. Not all the time but sometimes. I think it's me not believing I'M attractive enough etc. so I've gotten nervous and said really STUPID things. Not always but I can think of several times I've done it. The most recent example was a year and a few months ago (on a one year break now) with this gorgeous, smart, witty guy (though I've since found out he's a jerk anyway but STILL!)
we were on a first date and it was I THINK it was going well. We'd spent 3 hours together and were laughing and chatting away. If nothing else he liked me platonically and possibly more,
in fact he sort of hinted at a 2nd date.
THEN I said something stupid as we talked
that gave him the (wrong) impression that I wasn't even interested or attracted to him AT ALL.

And his WHOLE demeanor changed. He stopped laughing and smiling. He called me on the comment. And not long after he even yawned. Well, you get the point.

Anyway it's with the ones I DO like that I have this foot-in-mouth problem.

Hopefully the sub can help and I'll just be way more careful to think before I speak.

It's me saying things that can be misinterpreted in a way that either suggests I'm not into him or that I'm ONLY interested in a casual thing, I've had both fall out of my mouth. It's kinda like a self-sabotage thing. And it's only happened a few times. But always with guys I WAS attracted and interested in. Maybe it's a defense mechanism and the other thing is it happens in the beginning not that long after meeting them. Sometimes it's things I've said and other times it's things I DID. But that later on I said well of COURSE that was not going to give me the desired results! But like I said it's been more like a self-sabotage thing than anything. As if this part of me is saying no, you don't deserve him. Or, you don't deserve a more serious relationship with him. So I'm going to screw things up for you. Hard to explain it.

But maybe realizing that it's a pattern, rather than seeing it as isolated incidences is a start.

And yeah, I DID give other guys a chance the last time I dated, not just my type.

[Shannon]

Self sabotage is the subconscious trying to derail the conscious. You should try to understand the why behind it, and work on that.

[Athena]

A little update:

I've heard of these subs affecting your dreams but this is the first time it's happened for me: (This one is a bit cheesy but very nice!)

I had this snippet of dream early this morning before waking up that I was on facebook and I was changing my relationship status to "is in a relationship."
!!!

[4Kingdoms]

Awesome replies!

Shannon, it's more like when I've met a guy I DO like, I AM super attracted to that I've pushed him away. Not all the time but sometimes. I think it's me not believing I'M attractive enough etc. so I've gotten nervous and said really STUPID things. Not always but I can think of several times I've done it. The most recent example was a year and a few months ago (on a one year break now) with this gorgeous, smart, witty guy (though I've since found out he's a jerk anyway but STILL!)
we were on a first date and it was I THINK it was going well. We'd spent 3 hours together and were laughing and chatting away. If nothing else he liked me platonically and possibly more,
in fact he sort of hinted at a 2nd date.
THEN I said something stupid as we talked
that gave him the (wrong) impression that I wasn't even interested or attracted to him AT ALL.

And his WHOLE demeanor changed. He stopped laughing and smiling. He called me on the comment. And not long after he even yawned. Well, you get the point.

Anyway it's with the ones I DO like that I have this foot-in-mouth problem.

Hopefully the sub can help and I'll just be way more careful to think before I speak.

It's me saying things that can be misinterpreted in a way that either suggests I'm not into him or that I'm ONLY interested in a casual thing, I've had both fall out of my mouth. It's kinda like a self-sabotage thing. And it's only happened a few times. But always with guys I WAS attracted and interested in. Maybe it's a defense mechanism and the other thing is it happens in the beginning not that long after meeting them. Sometimes it's things I've said and other times it's things I DID. But that later on I said well of COURSE that was not going to give me the desired results! But like I said it's been more like a self-sabotage thing than anything. As if this part of me is saying no, you don't deserve him. Or, you don't deserve a more serious relationship with him. So I'm going to screw things up for you. Hard to explain it.

But maybe realizing that it's a pattern, rather than seeing it as isolated incidences is a start.

And yeah, I DID give other guys a chance the last time I dated, not just my type.

@Athena
I just read this and I used to have this same problem until I discovered this.
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage...-languages

Real life example: This girl I was interested in drove a truck... she called it her car. I would ask her (just to get a conversation started) Did you wash your truck on your day off? Had I known to use her words and asked, "Did you wash your car on your day off?" (sigh) things might have been different

[4Kingdoms]

A little update:

I've heard of these subs affecting your dreams but this is the first time it's happened for me: (This one is a bit cheesy but very nice!)

I had this snippet of dream early this morning before waking up that I was on facebook and I was changing my relationship status to "is in a relationship."
!!!

Cheesy?? NOT!! Nice, you betcha! Hopefully, it is a premonition.

[Athena]

Bit of an update. It's two days short of the 4 month mark, by the way.

OK so in the chatroom I sometimes go to I noticed changes, like guys not just wanting sex but wanting to date me and saying things about like, that I'm smart and about my sense of humor and or my personality. I got asked out a few times, even to a ball by this guy and there was another one wanting to be my boyfriend. Unfortunately I don't fancy any of those guys. But still, I HAVE noticed the changes in their interactions with me, rather than predominantly sexual or platonic.

I broke my one year man-break 18 days early and I went back to online dating. I think the sub is part of what's happened on there. What I'm about to say I'm NOT saying to brag but to show I think the sub MIGHT be doing something....

When I first was on that dating thing from memory it took me ONE WEEK to get my first match. Now, after using it for a while and doing subs on attracting men, I got up to an 80% match rate I think BUT it took time!

Well, last night I was on for 3 hours and I got 11 matches, ELEVEN, people!

Unfortunately I'm real fussy and one of the guys has already asked to hook up - he was polite about it though which was nice - and another one I don't think I'm that into him. But I think it is a bit of a numbers game and technically I DID say to myself I wouldn't end the man-break till the 24th so it's OK that so far there's no fires burning.

There's two guys from a chatroom I've been chatting with a lot that I emailed last night too. I don't know what they look like or if I'm attracted but they've at least been supportive and nice. Even if it just stays an online friendship, that's fine.

Before I ended the break I was at the point of having sex dreams and kissing dreams about exes and stuff like that!

And I still want to contact a couple of guys from the past but that's probably the LAST thing i should be doing.

Anyway, up to about 5 more months and 2 days left of this subliminal to go, let's see what happens :-)

[4Kingdoms]

And I still want to contact a couple of guys from the past but that's probably the LAST thing i should be doing.

Leave the past in the past. Then again, I encountered two women from my past...
http://subliminal-talk.com/thread-7145-p...#pid103507
I ran into two women from my past while listening to OGSF 5G. Woman #1, I saw 4 years ago. Woman #2, I saw 2 years ago. Within a month, I met them separately for lunch only to find out how little in common we have and how far we have drifted apart.

They must feel the same way, I haven't heard from either of them since I had lunch with them... seperately. If you must, contact them, meet them, get it out of your system. Stop wondering, what if??

[Athena]

I'm trying not to write in this TOO often but I feel like SOME progress has been made in a way, although there have also been some challenges and I just feel like doing an update. It's probably not going to be short at all, I'm afraid!

OK so, last Sunday I had my first date in over a year (like I said, self-imposed year off.) And my first kiss so that was nice He wanted more but did not get it though it was really tempting, cos I also (self-imposed) have not had sex in over a year either. It was nice to have a date, but one thing that annoyed me was my shyness. He had beautiful eyes & a few times near the beginning, I found myself looking away. And the conversation didn't flow as well as I wanted, but PART of that was him, he mostly wanted to talk about sex! But also I felt quite shy. (But am I being too hard on myself, it WAS my first date in over a year?)

I said to a guy online earlier that sometimes a guy will laugh or smile broadly after kissing me and he said that means he's really enjoying it and doesn't want it to end. This guy DIDN'T do that but I feel excited imagining having THAT again!

I got a blast from the past, a guy from my last time on Tinder found me and HE wanted to meet up and bonka bonka too - yep same day as my date. I've had 2 dates with him but in both cases I'm glad I didn't, even though it was partially circumstantial that I didn't, including a potential car buyer calling wanting to see the car! Blast from the past thought I'd saved his number cos I said thanks and then he deleted the app. Now I have no contact info for him but maybe it's just as well? I don't want casual again. It was fun but now I crave connection, romance, love. And I have to be strong even though it's difficult, if a guy can't take me out on a few dates, he aint getting this.

Shyness has been an issue. I took a whole 24 hours to work up the nerve to have a phone chat with a guy! It went well when I did, I liked our chat but I asked him if he wanted to go for a walk in the park today & 4 hours later THIS is what I got in reply "would I be able to come see you later tonight?" I asked my chatroom boys and they said yep it's a hookup request. I've already told him I don't wanna roll like that so at the moment I'm ignoring it. I was quite bummed out though. Because as well as being cute in the pix, when we chatted on the phone, I found him quite intelligent & witty.

Shyness was an issue with this other guy. At one point he sent me this message "I am glad I found you you are my kind of woman" Yes I DID reply but after HIS reply I was SO shy it took me 3 days!! but I've since apologized for the delay.

Anyway, at the moment my shyness (and part of that, surely, is due to a year off men?) is not the biggest problem right now, the biggest problem is finding guys willing to take me on a date NOT just trying to hook up.

Yes, I know it's Tinder but I just don't like many guys offline and even if I DO, they don't seem to approach ANY woman! I tried Bumble, got one match sent a message and later on he's deleted the app! Gee, THANKS buddy! I've tried dating guys I'm NOT that attracted to, and I didn't like it. A lot of women do that & are quite happy to do that. But even if I get nervous at first, I LOVE those feelings, those butterflies it's a buzz that I just don't feel when I'm ho hum about a guy. It's not just about looks, cos I need more than just looks in my men. But when I kiss someone or even have sex with them, I don't want part of me to be like, WHY, for the love of...WHY are you DOING this? I've tried dating guys I'm not as attracted to and ugh I just can't. If that makes me a shallow bitch then well whatever. But I do care about what's on the inside too. So I feel like, despite a lot of people telling me to settle (and they never seem to tell MEN to settle, only women! It's like men, go for the 10! Women, if he's nice and has a penis, MARRY him!)


But the good things - cos yes I've talked about the two main challenges I've had - are that well, I've been getting matches. ALSO on some days I've been getting 2-3 superlikes a day!! I haven't been sent any dick pix - last time I got enough cock photos to make TWO cock of the month calendars! Seriously what am I supposed to DO with those things, wallpaper my room? Yeah, don't answer that!
But some of the messages have been really quite respectful this time around.

I thought about practice dates with guys from the chatroom, as in mutually agreed in advance practice dates when we BOTH know & agree it's for confidence-building and not a "real" date, I don't mean using some guy cos I'm not like that. And a couple of those guys are up for that. But I sort of feel like it's still not going to help as it's only when I am with handsome guys that I feel nervous. So it might help the guys but not really help me?

So this is a long entry and kinda rant-y. (sorry!) But I'm gonna try and focus on the good stuff:
I'm getting matches. I'm getting "super-likes" I've had my first date and kiss in over a year. And even though I often wish I WASN'T...I'm DEFINITELY bonk-able.


Hopefully at some stage though I can find men who SEE I'm not only bonkable but also date-worthy sigh.

It's still progress though, right?

Anyway, as I said I would I'll keep using the subliminal, up till 10th September (9 month mark) if that's how long it takes. And I'll try to push myself to get back out there and go to meetup groups and things again. I don't usually fancy anyone there, though it's good for me socially, but I DID get my last boyfriend from a kareoke meetup group. At least I'm considered attractive, right? I mean, before I went back to Tinder, I thought what if NOBODY i like fancies me. And yet I'm even having guys waste their one superlike of the day (well, unless they are paid members!) on lil ole me! What the HELL was I WORRIED about?! All that bullcrackers in my head telling me I'm not beautiful enough, I'm not young enough, lies, lies LIES! All the crap society shoves down our throats, utter bollix and jellybeans, all of it. I've also been affirming, I AM good enough to date. I AM beautiful enough to date. I remember another one I am girlfriend-material. Well, I am. I may not look like a model but some guys DO find me attractive. I also am kind, intelligent, educated and very witty. I can sometimes even make people laugh on demand! And I have a high sex drive & an open mind. Plus i've been told before I'm a great girlfriend and that I was a "wonderful wife." And my ex hubby said some of the best years of his life were spent with me. So, you know. I DO have SOME things going for me.

But I'm also going try detaching from it all a bit. Cos online dating can be frustrating. And looking for love can be one facepalm after another. I'm not one of these people with these super amazing lives, with a great job, great friends blah blah effing BLAH that I can throw myself into to distract me. BUT I DO feel that gratitude IS a key! And
I DID recently score a higher paying job than what I had, great team there too, I'm gonna get back into exercise more from next weekend (first week back at work and new job, didn't sleep well so took it easy this weekend but from next weekend it's back cycling or skating & getting fit again.) And I'm just gonna be grateful for anything I DO have. Even if I go to the odd meetup group and only make acquaintances. When I really want friends. Who message me and ask to do things. But I'm gonna find a way to appreciate even acquaintances.
OK, shutting up now, cos this has been long & hopefully not too controversial in any way? Ducking from forum fire!

[4Kingdoms]

I just shared this with LionKing
http://subliminal-talk.com/thread-7177-p...#pid107499

I see you use meetup groups, not sure if you are aware of these two websites.
http://meetin.org/
http://www.meetup.com/

Sex - You made the right call with Mr. Past from Tinder and you made the right call with Mr. First Date.
Hopefully, you'll find a guy that is genuinely interested in you!!! And when sex happens, it happens.

I saw a movie once about this wealthy woman. Her wealthy Dad encouraged her to go after wealthy men and hopefully inherit their money when they die, they died and she got the money. Her regret in life?? She wished her Dad encouraged her to find someone that loves her...

[Athena]

I'm on meet up though haven't been for a while due to
time/money. Will get back into it soon. I find it's better for acquaintances but I
think meet up is still great for social skills and can be fun. As I said my last boyfriend I
met through a karaoke meet up. Don't normally fancy the meet up guys but like I said it
can definitely be fun. Ran my own free group at one stage & back then had awesome friends from it.

Never heard of meetin! Appreciate both links will check meetin out!

Always really appreciate so much what you said about the sex.
Extremely helpful & I read it several times. Worst case scenario, I'll treat myself twice a year
LOL ?NOT making the year of celibacy TWO years!
BUT at the moment, what I REALLY want is dates - even though I get super nervous I actually
love dating for its own sake: the extrovert in me loves meeting someone new, the introvert in me
loves that it's one on one. And eventually a compatible, kind, handsome boyfriend who is "into" me & I
him.

So at the moment, I'm holding out for what I really want.
You encourage me so much thank you!!!

[4Kingdoms]

I've been reading what you posted on this thread http://subliminal-talk.com/thread-7092.html
I've also been reading a few Alpha Male v6 journals and a lot of the guys say they approach 40 to 100 women in person a month!! Obviously, they said no for them to continue approaching more women.
I realize it is a numbers game whether you do this online or in person.

You say you are shy, I get that. The book I'm about to recommend is written by a female author. It's title would probably stop women from reading it. However, there are photo's of women posing that will attract men without her having to approach a man. In essence, he will approach you because of the poses you are giving him.

From page 131 "If the fish aren't biting, you don't necessarily have to change the bait. Try a new stream."
Do an internet search for "Undercover Sex Signals free pdf"

After you read it, think about your past if you've done any of the poses and got a man to approach you.