Athena's Attracting Perfect Boyfriend Journal

[4Kingdoms]

Awesome replies!

Shannon, it's more like when I've met a guy I DO like, I AM super attracted to that I've pushed him away. Not all the time but sometimes. I think it's me not believing I'M attractive enough etc. so I've gotten nervous and said really STUPID things. Not always but I can think of several times I've done it. The most recent example was a year and a few months ago (on a one year break now) with this gorgeous, smart, witty guy (though I've since found out he's a jerk anyway but STILL!)
we were on a first date and it was I THINK it was going well. We'd spent 3 hours together and were laughing and chatting away. If nothing else he liked me platonically and possibly more,
in fact he sort of hinted at a 2nd date.
THEN I said something stupid as we talked
that gave him the (wrong) impression that I wasn't even interested or attracted to him AT ALL.

And his WHOLE demeanor changed. He stopped laughing and smiling. He called me on the comment. And not long after he even yawned. Well, you get the point.

Anyway it's with the ones I DO like that I have this foot-in-mouth problem.

Hopefully the sub can help and I'll just be way more careful to think before I speak.

It's me saying things that can be misinterpreted in a way that either suggests I'm not into him or that I'm ONLY interested in a casual thing, I've had both fall out of my mouth. It's kinda like a self-sabotage thing. And it's only happened a few times. But always with guys I WAS attracted and interested in. Maybe it's a defense mechanism and the other thing is it happens in the beginning not that long after meeting them. Sometimes it's things I've said and other times it's things I DID. But that later on I said well of COURSE that was not going to give me the desired results! But like I said it's been more like a self-sabotage thing than anything. As if this part of me is saying no, you don't deserve him. Or, you don't deserve a more serious relationship with him. So I'm going to screw things up for you. Hard to explain it.

But maybe realizing that it's a pattern, rather than seeing it as isolated incidences is a start.

And yeah, I DID give other guys a chance the last time I dated, not just my type.

@Athena
I just read this and I used to have this same problem until I discovered this.
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage...-languages

Real life example: This girl I was interested in drove a truck... she called it her car. I would ask her (just to get a conversation started) Did you wash your truck on your day off? Had I known to use her words and asked, "Did you wash your car on your day off?" (sigh) things might have been different