A little update here. Not much to report on "outer life" except a guy was trying to hit on me on Friday! Decent-enough looking but no not right for me, but like I said, I think, in the city I live in this is rare that guys do that!
Inner life-wise, well I have seen that the way I acted with one particular guy is not an isolated incident. I can think of about 4 other times (with 4 other guys) I said things that either implied I wasn't interested when I WAS or that I wanted a more casual relationship than I did. So it's not always necessarily about me being "not hot enough" to get the kind of guy I like (though sure maybe in some cases) but that there has been some kind of block that has on a few occasions resulted in me saying things like that. Basically in sounding flippant when I wasn't. So that feels a bit like an insight to me that there are sometimes behaviours in me that do that and that I would like to change...and I see how it IS at a subconscious level.
I've also been thinking a fair bit about voice and body language and this wound up in me finding some chatrooms that are not just text but also voice (and sometimes cam too.) Not adult ones though in the first one some of the guys tried to treat it like that! I also started a chatroom of my own, very small one. So these things give me a chance to work on my voice & my body language and also being comfortable in front of a camera in case I decide to skype chat to potential dates before meeting them.
I guess that's about it, really.
I guess what I'm trying to say is maybe the sub is helping me to focus even more on the behaviours I want to change & less thinking I'm just not hot enough?
PS The guy I ruined the date with? (Two years ago but he
came up a few months ago on Facebook "people you may know" & I'd been
thinking of getting in touch...
I sort of erm cyber-snooped him ahem & saw that on his YouTube channel he
has a video by a pick up artist and a nasty one at that. I think some of the
pick-up artist gurus are OK those who encourage men to build their confidence up,
talk to women more etc..but this is one of those who is a borderline abusive one
SOOO basically I don't want to get in touch with that guy anymore, I don't want to
be with a guy who follows that sort of crap.
And I really do lament my terrible taste in guys..I hope the sub helps me pick better
ones next time, I really REALLY do!
Trying to see the positives here: at least I know NOW!
Ironically BTW date was a bust cos he thought I was a player HA!
Positive also is that if I got my perfect boyfriend too soon I
would not have had that extra time to work on my social skills, communication,
body language, try out the GOOD dating advice etc plus I enjoy dating for its own
sake as I'm a bit of an introvert so better one-to-one.
Nor do I now have to agonnize over what to say to try to
re-open contact & get him to give me a 2nd chance.
Sigh just trying to see the positives here.
My kingdom for a handsome, kind, smart, funny NON-player who sees the good in
me & treats me with the respect that I deserve! And part of finding the RIGHT boyfriend for me is eliminating all the guys who are WRONG for me.
I'm still bummed though, but at least I have clarity now & a
clear action path.
Inner life-wise, well I have seen that the way I acted with one particular guy is not an isolated incident. I can think of about 4 other times (with 4 other guys) I said things that either implied I wasn't interested when I WAS or that I wanted a more casual relationship than I did. So it's not always necessarily about me being "not hot enough" to get the kind of guy I like (though sure maybe in some cases) but that there has been some kind of block that has on a few occasions resulted in me saying things like that. Basically in sounding flippant when I wasn't. So that feels a bit like an insight to me that there are sometimes behaviours in me that do that and that I would like to change...and I see how it IS at a subconscious level.
I've also been thinking a fair bit about voice and body language and this wound up in me finding some chatrooms that are not just text but also voice (and sometimes cam too.) Not adult ones though in the first one some of the guys tried to treat it like that! I also started a chatroom of my own, very small one. So these things give me a chance to work on my voice & my body language and also being comfortable in front of a camera in case I decide to skype chat to potential dates before meeting them.
I guess that's about it, really.
I guess what I'm trying to say is maybe the sub is helping me to focus even more on the behaviours I want to change & less thinking I'm just not hot enough?
PS The guy I ruined the date with? (Two years ago but he
came up a few months ago on Facebook "people you may know" & I'd been
thinking of getting in touch...
I sort of erm cyber-snooped him ahem & saw that on his YouTube channel he
has a video by a pick up artist and a nasty one at that. I think some of the
pick-up artist gurus are OK those who encourage men to build their confidence up,
talk to women more etc..but this is one of those who is a borderline abusive one
SOOO basically I don't want to get in touch with that guy anymore, I don't want to
be with a guy who follows that sort of crap.
And I really do lament my terrible taste in guys..I hope the sub helps me pick better
ones next time, I really REALLY do!
Trying to see the positives here: at least I know NOW!
Ironically BTW date was a bust cos he thought I was a player HA!
Positive also is that if I got my perfect boyfriend too soon I
would not have had that extra time to work on my social skills, communication,
body language, try out the GOOD dating advice etc plus I enjoy dating for its own
sake as I'm a bit of an introvert so better one-to-one.
Nor do I now have to agonnize over what to say to try to
re-open contact & get him to give me a 2nd chance.
Sigh just trying to see the positives here.
My kingdom for a handsome, kind, smart, funny NON-player who sees the good in
me & treats me with the respect that I deserve! And part of finding the RIGHT boyfriend for me is eliminating all the guys who are WRONG for me.
I'm still bummed though, but at least I have clarity now & a
clear action path.
