Another MLS Journal :p

[Why So Serious?]

@apollolux Maybe. I'm not sure what I want to achieve anymore.

@Nox I guess I'll switch later It's weird I wasn't interested in running those subs.
Right now I'm playing Okami

Thanks guy's getting kinda teary eyed from the responses.

[Nox]

@apollolux Maybe. I'm not sure what I want to achieve anymore.

@Nox I guess I'll switch later It's weird I wasn't interested in running those subs.
Right now I'm playing Okami

Thanks guy's getting kinda teary eyed from the responses.

Well okami kicks ass, so cut yourself some slack! Lol

[Why So Serious?]

Thanks I'll try.

Just realized I don't like being open to people especially family. I went to a family outing today and felt lots of fear. I didn't want anyone to talk to me. I have this feeling that once I get over this it won't be so bad. Just don't know how long it's going to take.

Just keep going down this rabbit hole. I wonder when it will end.

[Why So Serious?]

I don't think I should be an artist for a living anymore. I'll still draw and keep it as side gig but not full time. I actually visualized my self trying to do it full time and didn't like it. Felt burnt out just visualizing it. My feelings are hurt because I thought this was something I wanted to do. In a strange way I do feel relived at the same time. I think I was just forcing myself into liking it so I can have a purpose, have a direction in life. I know everyone is disappointed in me for not finding it.
I need to focus on doing something else. I'm tired of fighting myself with this.

I realized that I don't really think things through. I thought I did, but I don't. I really need to think this through and not force myself anymore.

[Nox]

I don't think I should be an artist for a living anymore. I'll still draw and keep it as side gig but not full time. I actually visualized my self trying to do it full time and didn't like it. Felt burnt out just visualizing it. My feelings are hurt because I thought this was something I wanted to do. In a strange way I do feel relived at the same time. I think I was just forcing myself into liking it so I can have a purpose, have a direction in life. I know everyone is disappointed in me for not finding it.
I need to focus on doing something else. I'm tired of fighting myself with this.

I realized that I don't really think things through. I thought I did, but I don't. I really need to think this through and not force myself anymore.

Soul searching is tough but it's supposed to be. You're finding insights into who you are but that doesn't mean you have to make concrete decisions right away. Keep searching and stay strong. Maybe give the art for a living a break while you keep finding out what you want. You might refind it as your passion or maybe find a new one that could be related to it. Or maybe it'll be totally different.

[Why So Serious?]

I don't think I should be an artist for a living anymore. I'll still draw and keep it as side gig but not full time. I actually visualized my self trying to do it full time and didn't like it. Felt burnt out just visualizing it. My feelings are hurt because I thought this was something I wanted to do. In a strange way I do feel relived at the same time. I think I was just forcing myself into liking it so I can have a purpose, have a direction in life. I know everyone is disappointed in me for not finding it.
I need to focus on doing something else. I'm tired of fighting myself with this.

I realized that I don't really think things through. I thought I did, but I don't. I really need to think this through and not force myself anymore.

Soul searching is tough but it's supposed to be. You're finding insights into who you are but that doesn't mean you have to make concrete decisions right away. Keep searching and stay strong. Maybe give the art for a living a break while you keep finding out what you want. You might refind it as your passion or maybe find a new one that could be related to it. Or maybe it'll be totally different.

I read this,thought about it for a while, and you might be right. I'll give it break.
As for the soul searching didn't want to admit that this is what I'm going through. I mean this is learning sub meant for studying well....... other subjects. I know mentioned that it could help with learning about yourself earlier but never knew it would go to this level.

Maybe I'm the only one going through this using MLS.

Okay my short term memory is horrible now. It did get better but since I've been in this rut it's worse. My urge to learn is also gone.

Now this is the killer part. I have always had an aversion to having and raising kids. Now I don't. I'm pretty okay with the idea now that is IF IT EVER HAPPENS. I'm not going out trying to have kids right away........just that I'm okay with having them now. I've also been watching Asian dramas and just allowing myself to get lost in them. Daydreaming that it could happen to happen to me. I don't usually do this and I would have tried to hide my interest in romantic crap.

There so darn cute. Of course I still wouldn't admit it out loud to anyone. At least not yet.

My fear for people is still there and I just don't want to interact with anyone right now. Hate to admit this but it's always been there just kept covering it up I guess.

I'm becoming more sensitive to watch now. Can't stand watching a whole lot of mindless violence anymore. Which is weird because I can still watch Breaking Bad. However the thought of watching the saw movies is getting to me and liked those moives.

Don't know what happening to me. It feels like your losing yourself,a part of you identity. It does scare the crap outta me and sometimes I do curse to myself about being tired of this sh** and I need to just stop listening.
I'll keep going I might switch to something else since I'm close to three months. Still not sure.

[Nox]

I don't think I should be an artist for a living anymore. I'll still draw and keep it as side gig but not full time. I actually visualized my self trying to do it full time and didn't like it. Felt burnt out just visualizing it. My feelings are hurt because I thought this was something I wanted to do. In a strange way I do feel relived at the same time. I think I was just forcing myself into liking it so I can have a purpose, have a direction in life. I know everyone is disappointed in me for not finding it.
I need to focus on doing something else. I'm tired of fighting myself with this.

I realized that I don't really think things through. I thought I did, but I don't. I really need to think this through and not force myself anymore.

Soul searching is tough but it's supposed to be. You're finding insights into who you are but that doesn't mean you have to make concrete decisions right away. Keep searching and stay strong. Maybe give the art for a living a break while you keep finding out what you want. You might refind it as your passion or maybe find a new one that could be related to it. Or maybe it'll be totally different.

I read this,thought about it for a while, and you might be right. I'll give it break.
As for the soul searching didn't want to admit that this is what I'm going through. I mean this is learning sub meant for studying well....... other subjects. I know mentioned that it could help with learning about yourself earlier but never knew it would go to this level.

Maybe I'm the only one going through this using MLS.

Okay my short term memory is horrible now. It did get better but since I've been in this rut it's worse. My urge to learn is also gone.

Now this is the killer part. I have always had an aversion to having and raising kids. Now I don't. I'm pretty okay with the idea now that is IF IT EVER HAPPENS. I'm not going out trying to have kids right away........just that I'm okay with having them now. I've also been watching Asian dramas and just allowing myself to get lost in them. Daydreaming that it could happen to happen to me. I don't usually do this and I would have tried to hide my interest in romantic crap.

There so darn cute. Of course I still wouldn't admit it out loud to anyone. At least not yet.

My fear for people is still there and I just don't want to interact with anyone right now. Hate to admit this but it's always been there just kept covering it up I guess.

I'm becoming more sensitive to watch now. Can't stand watching a whole lot of mindless violence anymore. Which is weird because I can still watch Breaking Bad. However the thought of watching the saw movies is getting to me and liked those moives.

Don't know what happening to me. It feels like your losing yourself,a part of you identity. It does scare the crap outta me and sometimes I do curse to myself about being tired of this sh** and I need to just stop listening.
I'll keep going I might switch to something else since I'm close to three months. Still not sure.

Growing up did you have any type of negative attachments or trauma associated with learning? You seem to have a good amount of experience with subliminals, but maybe something was tied into learning in general. Made to feel dumb as a kid, told you wouldn't or couldn't understand, embarrassed in calculus class, etc. sounds like you're running go the right sub if it is having such a big impact.

[Multiworld]

Why So Serious you're going through the human condition we all must face,as far as your passion, you'll know like what are you willing to do for free will give you an idea what you should be doing,remember you were born as an individual so your path in life will never be identical as others,i sense a fortitude about yourself,so keep taking a step at a time,don't stop moving towards your goals and don't give up,I also see there are serious and supportive people here on this forum that want to see you succeed,that's a plus,stay strong!

[Why So Serious?]

I don't think I should be an artist for a living anymore. I'll still draw and keep it as side gig but not full time. I actually visualized my self trying to do it full time and didn't like it. Felt burnt out just visualizing it. My feelings are hurt because I thought this was something I wanted to do. In a strange way I do feel relived at the same time. I think I was just forcing myself into liking it so I can have a purpose, have a direction in life. I know everyone is disappointed in me for not finding it.
I need to focus on doing something else. I'm tired of fighting myself with this.

I realized that I don't really think things through. I thought I did, but I don't. I really need to think this through and not force myself anymore.

Soul searching is tough but it's supposed to be. You're finding insights into who you are but that doesn't mean you have to make concrete decisions right away. Keep searching and stay strong. Maybe give the art for a living a break while you keep finding out what you want. You might refind it as your passion or maybe find a new one that could be related to it. Or maybe it'll be totally different.

I read this,thought about it for a while, and you might be right. I'll give it break.
As for the soul searching didn't want to admit that this is what I'm going through. I mean this is learning sub meant for studying well....... other subjects. I know mentioned that it could help with learning about yourself earlier but never knew it would go to this level.

Maybe I'm the only one going through this using MLS.

Okay my short term memory is horrible now. It did get better but since I've been in this rut it's worse. My urge to learn is also gone.

Now this is the killer part. I have always had an aversion to having and raising kids. Now I don't. I'm pretty okay with the idea now that is IF IT EVER HAPPENS. I'm not going out trying to have kids right away........just that I'm okay with having them now. I've also been watching Asian dramas and just allowing myself to get lost in them. Daydreaming that it could happen to happen to me. I don't usually do this and I would have tried to hide my interest in romantic crap.

There so darn cute. Of course I still wouldn't admit it out loud to anyone. At least not yet.

My fear for people is still there and I just don't want to interact with anyone right now. Hate to admit this but it's always been there just kept covering it up I guess.

I'm becoming more sensitive to watch now. Can't stand watching a whole lot of mindless violence anymore. Which is weird because I can still watch Breaking Bad. However the thought of watching the saw movies is getting to me and liked those moives.

Don't know what happening to me. It feels like your losing yourself,a part of you identity. It does scare the crap outta me and sometimes I do curse to myself about being tired of this sh** and I need to just stop listening.
I'll keep going I might switch to something else since I'm close to three months. Still not sure.

Growing up did you have any type of negative attachments or trauma associated with learning? You seem to have a good amount of experience with subliminals, but maybe something was tied into learning in general. Made to feel dumb as a kid, told you wouldn't or couldn't understand, embarrassed in calculus class, etc. sounds like you're running go the right sub if it is having such a big impact.

A great deal of negative experiences not sure about trauma. If something traumatic did happen I don't remember.
I don't think I have a lot of experience with subs.
Pretty much all that but it wasn't calculus class.
I guess just wasn't expecting all this. I mean what does any of this mean? All I wanted was to learn how to draw and make money. Now I'm stuck in a rut and feel like something deep down is getting agitated slowly bring crap up to the surface. Most of it makes no sense to me as far as learning goes. Certainly didn't want to learn this stuff about myself. Aww well.

[Why So Serious?]

Why So Serious you're going through the human condition we all must face,as far as your passion, you'll know like what are you willing to do for free will give you an idea what you should be doing,remember you were born as an individual so your path in life will never be identical as others,i sense a fortitude about yourself,so keep taking a step at a time,don't stop moving towards your goals and don't give up,I also see there are serious and supportive people here on this forum that want to see you succeed,that's a plus,stay strong!

Umm what human condition?

I'm broke right now and kinda desperate to get out of my situation, so I seriously can't think of anything I would want to do for free. Even in my spare time. I'll keeping doing other things till I figure that out.

Yep, I'm grateful for the support.

[Why So Serious?]

I had a feeling that something life changing was about to happen for me. I just didn't when, how it was going to effect me, what would happen in the future and all that. Turns out that the moment was when I decided to do OFGS next. It will most likely be next month. I'd start now but I want to get my 3 months of MLS. I wanted to run MLS for 6 months but it's important that I get to work on OFGS. The more I learn the more I find out that most of what's holding me back is some kind of fear. I won't list anymore fears. That would be to long and time consuming. Not something I planned on doing at all and I don't want to listen to it. This isn't about wants anymore. I need to grow up and be an adult for once.

[Nox]

I had a feeling that something life changing was about to happen for me. I just didn't when, how it was going to effect me, what would happen in the future and all that. Turns out that the moment was when I decided to do OFGS next. It will most likely be next month. I'd start now but I want to get my 3 months of MLS. I wanted to run MLS for 6 months but it's important that I get to work on OFGS. The more I learn the more I find out that most of what's holding me back is some kind of fear. I won't list anymore fears. That would be to long and time consuming. Not something I planned on doing at all and I don't want to listen to it. This isn't about wants anymore. I need to grow up and be an adult for once.

You could also maybe try the new EPRHA 2.0 coming out today (probably).

And sometimes wants are holding us back. I don't want to go to the dentist but I enjoy my white shiney smile lol.

[Why So Serious?]

I had a feeling that something life changing was about to happen for me. I just didn't when, how it was going to effect me, what would happen in the future and all that. Turns out that the moment was when I decided to do OFGS next. It will most likely be next month. I'd start now but I want to get my 3 months of MLS. I wanted to run MLS for 6 months but it's important that I get to work on OFGS. The more I learn the more I find out that most of what's holding me back is some kind of fear. I won't list anymore fears. That would be to long and time consuming. Not something I planned on doing at all and I don't want to listen to it. This isn't about wants anymore. I need to grow up and be an adult for once.

You could also maybe try the new EPRHA 2.0 coming out today (probably).

And sometimes wants are holding us back. I don't want to go to the dentist but I enjoy my white shiney smile lol.

I think that may be a better choice after reading the description.
Sigh..... the dentist don't remind me.

It just hit me today that I am way off track with a lot of stuff. Ever since I started learning about myself I neglected the things I need to work on. I need to get back to my plan for less internet usage and some other stuff.

For some odd reason I don't want to beat myself up about it. It feels like the down time was needed and for some odd reason still needed.

Maybe it's okay to feel down but don't let the feeling it take over. Still get up and make progress in the right direction. Just go at my own pace so I don't wear myself out. I guess that is a lesson I need to learn. I just thought of this while typing so I'll give it shot.

[Shannon]

You are so enjoyable to observe growing. Keep going. You're doing a good job.