Ampers&'s Alpha Male Journal [COMPLETE]

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 3

@Rayhon: funny you should say that; I knocked out a 20 point to-do list for my day, starting at 5:15am, and ending at 4:15pm, and I kept going. I was on point for pretty much all of it.

Which makes me wonder if I should either:
a) plan each day with this intensity
b) plan each weekday, since my weeks tend to be similar

I studied, explored a new way to study, explored a new way to practice guitar and voice (in complete silence and experimentation by recording yourself for instant feedback, on top of my current ritual). I've decided to avoid overindulging in practice, as it motivates me to fill my "allowed time" with more quality practice, and I look forward to practicing the next day.

I went out and applied for jobs, which is something I haven't done this year. I did an audition for a coffeehouse, and they auditioners seemed pretty impressed. I cleaned my house hardcore, as I'm expecting a visit from a close family member.

Still thinking about that girl, man.

Early bedtime!

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 4

Another planned day; went pretty well until 5pm; my schedule ended at 3pm, but I kept going while waiting for my one family member to come down. We had dinner and spent some time together until 8:30pm.

I'm really taking the concept of deliberate practice seriously; as much silence as possible, spot treatment, I'll record myself and analyse it, slow and steady, but apparently you get crazy results from doing that. I'll probably do one hour for acoustic guitar and one hour for voice each day, and that's it, since firstly it's very tiring, and secondly, I need to study much more than I do.

Occasionally, it feels like I'm slipping back; dang mastery curve. MLS is really helping me blow through these curves faster, so I improve 2 steps, then regress 1, much more frequently.

I got impatient this morning with a classmate who is so meticulous and anal about classwork; we have an in-class work assignment, only 4 of the 11 questions are graded. She spends so much time on the first questions, which don't even mean anything, thinking through the best worded and wordy answer. Needless to say, I was kind of pissed. That is, until I hit solution mode, and I figure that 'I' would take care of some of the important questions.

Needless to say that I'm back on a roll! 2 days straight of proper morning rituals.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 5

Slept in. Fuck. Only by 1 1/2 hours though, so I had an okay morning. Got to class, I get my grade back for my research assignment: 54%. Fuck. Doesn't bother me that much, but I'm still meeting with my teacher to see how to course-correct.

Went home, ate, practiced voice - which I'm coming along very well - then went to a job fair. I have some fair hopes for getting a job starting early in the summer.

I had my whole share of doubts about whether I'm simply an air-head, i.e. overly confident in my academic abilities. It is VERY good, especially during a program like this, to have my beliefs about self challenged and shattered.

I've been more disciplined during the day by setting a schedule, and picking things that lead to productive thinking. Roughly 4 hours today was spent on school, a little over two on deliberate music practice.

I bought the "Millionaire Fastlane" ebook. I wish I could get print, but the shipping fee is the price of the book, so that's ludacris.

Looking forward to what brave new things I can come up with. Think that this sort of habit forming was practically unheard of before I started this sub.

I'm in the process of a second meeting with the girl mentionned before, and I've made plans with the 36 year old ball-of-sunshine for Sunday.

I'm having my doubts on my speakers and Ultrasonic, so I'll be using Trickling Stream as much as I can.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 6

A pretty eventful day today; I get a job offer for a full time summer job, which is sales based and commissions-based; there's big potential for self improvement and earnings. The only downside is the commute and the work site, which will change weekly.

I also took the biggest step towards being a street performer, and that is to fill out the application. You pay a daily fee until you've paid the annual fee in daily's.

I'm now also reading "Millionaire Fastlane", and perhaps I can find some way to turn my experiences into a business.

This will lead to a very busy summer.

These all relate in some way to selling and earning money. This new hire might mean that I will focus solely on "Maximum Sales Success" for 90 days after Alpha Male is done instead of using Life Tune Up. I'm actually bummed out about this conflict (MSS or LTU).

I am decided to use Sex Magnet after LTU, especially since I get frustrated with the lack of women, and of the women in my life, the lack of any physical excalating. In reading AfzalG, he's getting some pretty outrageous results, and since I want to be a highly-successful musician, sex appeal can't hurt, as well as more sex. Many I convince the women I sleep with to promote me on social media lol.

Today, I managed a completely focused 2 one-hour blocks of music practice; I'm getting in the flow. Reading George Leonard's 'Mastery', it has given me motivation for practicing.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 7,

I may have missed some hours in the night. Woke up at 9am, did one hour of guitar practice between then and work (1pm), and cooked my lunch before then as well.

At work, I started off with some insecurity (can't look people directly in the eye without getting a bit teary-eyed), and then I became very happy and laughing at everything, and a bit weird. The other girl I work with noticed this. We had some conversation about our preferences in partners and dating.

I bought my week's groceries, and tomorrow's cheat day stuff, I am very excited.
In the evening, I kept reading Millionaire Fastlane, watching Star Wars Episode V, and then did one hour of focused voice practice.

I got to a party around 10, and left around 2. A party is an area where I don't feel much power, but I got used to it. There were a couple girls with whom I would consider hooking up, there was one who was testing me, and I'd say that I passed pretty valiantly; "yes and.." is the best tactic. She made a joke about how I'm still pre-pubescent, or other knocks at me, and it didn't really phase me. But she left the party and I didn't see her again.

I did see the girl from a previous party; she still has her boyfriend. Oh well. She was the responsible one, her friend was the extremely drunken one. This other guy was telling me that it's cool to break it relationships in order to fuck the girl and leave it at that. That has got to be one of the stupidest things I've heard. He's like "If you break them up, it wasn't meant to be!". Oh well. Got to get some sleep to get a lot done for tomorrow.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 8,

I got 6 hours of sleep successfully, thanks to Sleep Magic. Gym and work; and it's also cheat day. Cheat days sometime start weird, cause my body isn't used to it.
Work flew by quickly, then I got home, ate more junk, and straightened out my apartment.

===***WARNING; RACY***===

The 36 year old shows up for our meeting; I don't have much to say. Fortunately, we find a pub, order a drink, and start talking. She's a great big ball of sunshine; very happy and energetic. I can't quite finish my drink, and we wind up having intense eye contact; I get a deep feeling of nervousness in my gut. I ultimately reach in and kiss her. We had earlier agreed to heat up her leftovers at my place.

We get there and place her food in the oven, and of course, "we" take over. We eventually get topless once I take the food out of the oven, and she gives me head to completion, leading a large part of the way. Damn, that was good. Not to be critical, but I'm not the biggest fan of her body, she is pretty flat-chested; I prefer very full, large breasts on the women with whom I'm intimate.

She seems to get the sense that I like being with multiple women, and didn't ask a thing about a relationship, which is good. We were in bed together for TWO HOURS, damn.

Well, that was that. The biggest lesson I learned is that women enjoy what you are, while I (straight man) enjoy what women are. I think most of my earliest resistance (anxiety) came from thinking that women want something different from that, so what I wanted had to somehow impede on what she wanted. What set that in stone was when: a) She goes two steps beyond what I asked of her b) Afterwards, she says with a sultry voice in my ear "I really enjoyed pleasuring you".

This is a very useful insight, since I want it to work out with the girl I'm meeting on Tuesday. I'm taking all the precautions to keep myself (and my partners) safe.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 9

I'm getting this sensation of 'incomplete', something that I doubt will leave unless I make it leave, by which I mean external events probably won't make it go away. Probably just some resistance; I'm glad I switched over to Trickling stream, just in case.

Practiced probably 2,5 hours today; I'm very proud of how far I've come with my practicing. I'm almost up to full speed on Luttrell by Tommy Emmanuel (I'm at 125 bpm, where the full song is 138), and I'm starting to build momentum on 'Gameshow Rag/Cannonball Rag'.

School wise, I spent probably 3 hours working on a master build of a script for a text to speech program, using my class notes to create study tracks to fully integrate my classnotes.

I told only one person at my job about what happened with my date, and it will probably only ever be with her that I talk about it; I want to be courteous and not open my mouth about such things. Lol, I post it all on a public forum.

Today was fast day, but I still ate enough to have energy. It's technically a fast day to make up for all the junk you eat the day before, but those last 6 hours on Sunday when I was awake, I was either working on stuff, at the bar, or getting my 'd' s'ed. No complaints, but I ate less than I should have.

I've started a chat with an old flame; well, she's newly single, but not too happy about how the relationship ended.

The woman from yesterday texted me; we had a brief exchange.
I'm seeing another girl tomorrow on campus; I told myself YOLO, so I'll just bite the bullet and kiss her. This one, I want to have in my life in some way.

If my summer is going to start the way I intend it to; I'll finish using Alpha Male and Maximum Learning Speed (which I'm slacking on to make more room for AM) around mid May, and then I'll begin using 'Maximum Sales Success 4G' & 'Master Your Instrument for Speed 3G' for 90 days until mid August, then Life Tune Up 5G for 3-6 months, we'll see.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 10,

Still have to master my Tuesday mornings; I'm such as zombie when this happens, since I've fasted before. I need to eat Monday mornings; long story short, I got up at 8 instead of 5:15am.

I had breakfast and went to the gym. Good workout. Did several hours of schoolwork.
One thing that I watched was 'Authentic Man Program; Power of Appreciation', which shows you to put more importance on the connection than on the content of a conversation. I truly internalized that today. I walked to my meeting with a good vibe.

At 3, I was supposed to meet for a date. She shows up at 4 (I read and hung out at the café and managed to finish a book I intended to finish; not a big deal), so turns out she gets this pretty hilarious call from some random phone number, saying that she watches too much porn (prank?) and missed the bus to come out. Not only that, her phone is screwy, tricked her into thinking it was one hour earlier.

I started using those conversational "techniques" and had among the deepest, most connected conversation I've had in years (probably). But she states that she's the type to take things very slow, and won't even kiss a guy unless she completely trusts him with her heart. That didn't quite throw me, since it didn't try to. I was mentionning that directness and honesty is something important, and she basically knows that I'm interested. We spent a bunch more time at my apartment, chilling and jamming.

After she leaves (7pm), I do my 2 hours of practice, and then some.

At 11pm, she sends me a Facebook inbox message, saying - out of directness and honesty - that she's generally not interested in a relationship at the moment, but that she hopes that we can be friends. FUCKKKKK! I truly became really sad when I saw that.

I was really starting to warm up to this girl, and she had a whole bunch of qualities that I really like in a woman. I actually strongly considered monogamy, but that would've fallen apart cause she's gone for the summer. This might be a sign that monogamy isn't for me yet.. ON WITH SEX MAGNET, AS PLANNED!

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 11,

What the hell am I feeling? My emotions are all over the place. I had 5 hours of sleep, got up on time to do the morning ritual, then ran a 'Power Nap', since I have time before class. I felt much better.

Lab, gym, some school stuff, voice practice, 'No Excuses' by Brian Tracy came into my library today, they alerted me since I placed a hold. Time flew by.

I got called in to work at 5, got off at 9:30. I did some guitar practice, and now I'm here, typing this.

Nothing eventful. But my emotions are a bit wacky; anger, sadness, insecurity. This stage must be kicking on.

[Ampersnd]

Dang,

I've slept in, got 8 hours of sleep, and now it's 3PM and I'm ducking tired.
This sub is doing something

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Stage 12

As I mentionned, I got tired at different points of the day.
Got up in time for class and got through it with a much greater understanding in the project. I go to do a medical test, without an appointment. Of course, they turned me away, but they don't ever post proper sign up forms. Anyways.

I get home, have lunch. I manage to get to work on the project, and get a few things done on that. I also study for the quiz I had in the evening, pick up the guitar.

36 year old texts me; she had something of mine (which I had willingly given her), and she meant to return it. She got the sense that something was up, and I straight told her that "the age difference had gotten to me". She came down for a few minutes and we talked it out.

In the evening, I have to take an online quiz; the questions didn't really match the content. I get 7 for 10. That's alright; I usually get 10 for 10.

When I left to see the 36 year old, there was a note at my door, inviting me for a drink at the apartment downstairs. Their logic is that they hear me sing everyday, and thought to invite me as an apology for the noise they'd be making downstairs.

I show up in a bit, and knock at the door (they're directly beneath me). The girl (tenant) that opens the door is hot! They're throwing a party because their entire faculty is graduating. Soon, I'm chatting, drinking a bit, and meeting new people, and what started at 5 surely enough became 20. I met a pretty cool girl who's into music as well.

I was hinted out after around 8:30 (it is THEIR party, after all). I left the hot girl my information. She's literally moving out in under 2 days! I dunno if she just wanna bang. That'd be kind of neat; she has an epic rack. May the hookup gods bless me tomorrow.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 13,

FUCK!!! Woke up 10 minutes before class; the worst part is that I was semi-aware of my choice of snoozing. I really need to rethink my approach to this morning ritual, and executing it correctly. My brain seems to need sleep; I got over 9 hours, but I was still tired in class afterwards.

The signups for The 100 Day Challenge happens in 9 days. Mastering my mornings would be one thing to do.

But once I got to class until around 10pm, it was amazing how much I managed to integrate, learn, and lastly, produce!

I did a whole bunch of stuff for one of my university classes; basically sat at my desk most of the day, typing away.

Also, some materials of Brian Tracy came through the library; I made sure to place online holds on other books before I picked them up. It's like a Dewey-Decimal Christmas when I get a robotic voicemail on my cellphone, saying "we are calling to inform you that a book that you've requested is now available for pickup at...".

At the gym, I met this one girl who's into bodybuilding. She's cute, short, mocha, curly hair, and DAYYUM, her body is rocking. We had to finish our workouts, so we parted, and I didn't see her afterwards. I was going to be straight with her, and basically express my interest and see if she'd be down to get together. Next time; I have seen her before, so it's a matter of time.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 14

The emotional theme for this stage seems to be frustration; frustration with the way things are, in my finances, in my relating with women. I was at work, and I was frankly sick and tired of it. I had to tap away those feelings twice in the work washroom (I wonder what someone on the outside hears when I'm taping..).

On my way home, I did my groceries, and got my cheat day stuff. Then I made sure to practice both voice and guitar (between roughly 7:50 and 11:00. Then I ironed my shirt and went to the club to meet with my program friends. I had to wait in line for one hour, but I chatted with people from my program in another university (there was a big convention, and I'm only attending the "after-party". We finally get in, and I see two of my friends (colleagues), one is one of the girls I had mentioned back in Stage 3. She kept giving me signs of interest, which is strange, given that she has a boyfriend. She's a petite brunette, and petite brunettes are mentionned in my 'story'.

This is the most interesting part; I used the club as an amplifier of my state. I used it to feel even better, and to not let things like status or flaunting affect me. I started to feel pretty great. One girl gave me the 'come hither' finger, and I obliged. She basically wanted to tell me that I looked (dressed?) great. That was really nice of her, though I wasn't particularly interested in her. Clubs are fun! I never would've thought that until now, and I'm 100% sober.

Now, I'm back at my apartment, and I'm settling down for tomorrow. Cheat day, after all.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 15,

I'll probably have to add 2-4 extra days to this stage, given that the trickling stream I had been listening to on my iTunes playlist (while awake) was in Stage 4. I probably lost 1-2 hours per day of this stage. When I'm sleeping, I was definitely listening to Stage 5 stuff.

Well, I have a date for Thursday; a cute brunette with fair skin; a few days ago, I suggested we grab a drink and she complied. Today, she's been divulging how much she respects my talents et cetera, and keeping it real, so I'm getting these long winded texts. I'll try to save the big talk until our time together.

Woke up after 6 hours of sleep, cheat food breakfast, gym, I'm lifting heavier, and under lactic acid training, that's a big deal, cause I'm lifting these heavy weights slowly. Back home, shower, get ready for work. Work is alright.

I call my parents, I eat at my school's caf. Back home, I honestly wasted a bunch of time in being absentminded. I really have to get it together for exams, but I've been taking steps.

I managed to fit in some time to practice voice and guitar, but it wasn't a large amount. I'm really excited to take on "Master Your Instrument for Speed" and how it will affect my playing, since I feel very hindered by speed, precision, and keeping momentum at a fast speed. Not only that, but it should affect my voice, shouldn't it? Since I could do vocal runs more quickly, and with precision.

I wonder how much "Maximum Learning Speed" has an effect on my ability to absorb new stuff on guitar and voice. I'd say pretty well, since after 3 months, I've hit a whole new level of guitar playing, and I have a developping ear from doing Perfect Pitch training. This is all very exciting.

Anyways, I gotta get back to it. Bed time, and school tomorrow. Only a couple of weeks until exams.