Ampers&'s Alpha Male Journal [COMPLETE]

[Ampersnd]

Stage 4, Day 28

It feels like my new good habits are slipping; I slept in today by 4 hours, got out of bed at 9am. But soon enough, I picked up, and went to the gym. I was 90% percent there, until I realized that I forgot my gym shoes. I go home, and I needed to meet someone online at noon. I managed to do some positives things beforehand, such as doing some research (in which I'm really improving).

I did a 24 hour recall with an assigned partner; it's a food science thing. Right after, I went over to the gym, and started a new workout. Dang; it's a different feeling following lactic acid training, you don't really break a sweat, but you become sore and you get a sense of well-being lasting several hours afterwards; this is because your body creates growth hormone to counteract the acidity in your body.

I managed to research a debate about soya; my verdict is: unhealthy.

And dang: I practiced, in some form or another, for nearly 4.5 - 5 hours. I need to, because I have a 15-18 song setlist to play on Saturday. Fortunately, school isn't too pressing.

Gotta job search.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 4, Day 29, and there it is

Tapped into my masculine energy pretty much all day today. I feel like a general, maybe this comes from watching too much Gladiator (such a good movie). This is likely due to the Growth Hormone training kicking on; I feel good and I look fucking handsome; I keep looking at myself in the mirror.

Full of myself? Maybe; if I weren't full of myself, I reckon I'd be pretty hollow.

Class was good, gym was intense, I worked on my school stuff, I napped a bit, my music practice was minimal unfortunately, which is where I introduce the more drastic measures; all of my songs, on a loop, playing lightly into my headphones while I sleep, with the subs running. Possibly induced by Sleep Magic. Gosh, this is exciting.

I'm taking some more action than I did yesterday, or the day before, which I mean I'm putting it off. I confirmed two plans, and I reached out to a girl that I met back in September to make some plans; possibly jam, since we both play music. Persuing? I don't really care right now; I keep skipping out of opportunities to talk to women I find relatively attractive (attraction level: 5-7 out of ten), which kind of pissed me off today.

Spent a couple hours speaking with language learners, asking questions in broken Korean to one of the learners. I'm motivated to be more consistent with my flashcards, reading, etc.

Today was a good day, but now, I'm hitting the hay earlier to give this sleep experiment a try.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 4, Day 30 morning update

I went to bed at around 10:25, played subs and my songs, inducing sleep with melatonin and Sleep Magic. It knocked me the fuck out, I woke up at 8am, and looking back, I remember getting up and turning off both my alarms.

So ultimately, I believe I managed to make it until 4am before I removed my headphones out of frustration. They kept playing, but probably weren't loud enough to make it to my ears. Which means I was probably exposed to the songs 4-5 times. This doesn't count as practice, just exposure for long term memory.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 4, Day 30,

I slept in, heheh. Hopefully, this rules itself out. Perhaps I don't need both melatonin AND the brain-wave entrainment sub 'Sleep Magic'.

I'm nearing the end of the book 'Mastery', so I've spent more time reading it, though some of it was during class.

From class on, I practiced for 3-4 hours. I went to work, and then suddenly, my insecurity bubbled up. So once I got home (right now), I tapped a little bit.

Less sex drive; either that or I'm transmuting it. Gotta repeat my experiment, minus the melatonin.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 4, Day 31

Slept in, again! I'm getting tired of this shit. At least I'm done with the music event tomorrow night. Then I can stop cramming my ears with music.

Sleep experiment #2
Was successful in having me remember the music. I woke up and remembered 95% percent of Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing in the Dark". No melatonin was a bad idea, as the music was too stimulating. I'm doing this again tonight. This must be what 5G subs feel like; it's very strange.

Btw, I will use this for my studying; which is something I did with text-to-speech software. If applied appropriately and studied while awake, the results seem to be pretty greaty.

Class, workout, took some pictures of my 'Phase 3' workout phase (the "Afters"); still got two phases left. Wasted some time (blank mind), bought new guitar strings, retuned, practiced for 2 hours, then went to lazer tag. This is my first time, and I did okay. It was free-for-all, and I fell for many of the dirty tricks of others; people would cover their sensors, spawn kill, and so on. I stayed virtuous. Then, we (myself and random people I just met) all went to the bar next door.

Basically, the first woman with whom I had sex invited me; it was her birthday. Still strange that she invites me out after 3 years of no contact, but I did see her at my job a few weeks ago (mentioned on the journal). It would appear that she still wants my dick, cause we had some crazy good eye contact and some banter, but it's a bit more complicated.

Her kind-of boyfriend is there too; I had a chance to talk with him for a good half-hour about a ton of different things. I thought they were dating, so I wouldn't impede, but he tells me the ways where it's complicated, then he buys me a beer lol. I made a bunch of cool friends, though they live out of town.

My last bit of conversation with her was epic; she hugs me twice, and I sincerely hoped that things work out (she knew that I knew), her expression was a bit meh, as though she doesn't want it to work out. "Whatever happens is your choice, and that's okay", I say. Then I finish it with "You're still pretty cute for an old lady". She play slaps me and gets all "offended"; epic.

I have a sort of date of Sunday; I think that I may be completely honest with this other girl and tell her than I'm interested (I don't want to just be her friend).

[Ampersnd]

Stage 4, Day 32

Got back late, woke up late-ish. My voice was shot to hell; today is performance day. Uh-oh. Ultimately, after a gym workout, some water, and some time, it came back relatively. I didn't need it after all; the sound equipment was set up poorly, and I just wound up playing acoustic guitar. It didn't feel like I was heard either. Was pissed off for about 30 seconds lol.

I met two really great girls/women, both older than me. One's a 29 year old skinny brunette, who's a bit stubborn and challenging, but opens up when you're close to her. Down to earth type. The other's a 36 year old skinny blonde, mom of two, divorced. She's very bubbly, very positive, very smiley. Both of them were receptive to me in different ways, both I talked with for a long time. I have the 36 year old's cell number. The other girl seemed a bit hot-cold, and I have access to her Facebook.

Though I have women in my life, I don't feel like I "have" women in my life. The feeling of control is an important one.

Stayed out late. The time changed (Daylight Savings), and now it's super late. I'm going to buy Stage 5 once I post this.

[MadTheReaper]

Hey Dan,

Today is my first day of Stage 5 as well.
So if you were to make a summary about Stage 4 what would it be?

[Ampersnd]

Stage 4:
It started with some emotional turmoil, and frankly, the end of this stage, some my positive habits fell apart, including my cornerstone morning ritual.
But I've been the most dominant, "alpha-ey", prospective, in my entire life. So I look forward to see what Stage 5 will do.

[JackOfHearts]

What kind of emotional stuff appeared? I think I did get all that because I was living in a cave away from the world

[Ampersnd]

@maniac360

It was a mix of violent and sudden depression, some anger and insecurity. Some social anxiety, though I've been very social lately

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 1

A random day of cheating on my diet; the good king of cheating; burger, brownies, chips, etc.
At 5pm, I met with a girl I had met for 10 minutes, 6 months ago. I invited her out on a hunch. She is how I remembered her; a bit shy at the start, but she opened up.
I ask her exactly that; why she said yes to a meeting with someone she met so long ago.

She answers that she loves people with passion (we met at a music-related event). She asks why I asked; I divulge that I find her very cute.

Within one hour, we go to my apartment and jam out on the guitar and figure out a couple songs. Amazing how she trusts me that quickly; she even said that, worrying that our time in our apartment would be awkward. She put me onto this really good song that we might duet at an open mic we had both individually planned. It's a really heartfelt song that made me feel something I seldom feel while playing music, probably that it's so easy compared to the very technical stuff I play and have to get the notes right. This song, I can just play, sit back

I wanted to kiss her, and it might have been appropriate. I guess I wussied out; no idea why. Tell ya what, if she ever comes by my apartment, I'll lay one on her

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 2, 3PM

A new low on motivation; I did apply for a couple of jobs, but I'm wasting so much time. I want productivity; where is it, bitches?

A new goal for guitar: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3m0LLHX0tw

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 2, 11PM

At least I've planned tomorrow out. Should be fun.
Today, I woke up at 9am. Class starts at 8am.. shit.
I show up at 9:10, got caught up on notes.

Then followed the biggest streak of unproductivity I have ever witnessed, until 5pm work.
Work went okay.
The girl I saw yesterday is on my mind, though I try not to have her there, lest I assign qualities onto her that don't exist. I see her tomorrow for a very musical reason.

[Raykon]

Hey man I see you very self aware person & I'm very happy that your focusing on bettering yourself! My advice is to you is to not make any excuses & make sure you do what you need to do no matter what. Consistency will kill all unproductive tendencies . The hardest part is just getting there. After 22-30 days or so it will become a habit!

Keep at it & don't give up on your goals/dreams. Bettering yourself (self improvement) is the best way to improve your quality of life & raise the frequency in which you vibrate at. The more you work on yourself as a person the higher you vibrate & girls will be attracted to you because they can feel on an energetic/spiritual level that your happy and doing well.