Alpha Female 2011 4G

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It used to be about a lot of other things and about other people. And now, I see me. A beautiful me.

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Stage 4. Day 25.

I love myself more. I eat healthier. Bring them on, Superfoods!
I appreciate my family more. Sex is noisier

I can feel I'm going from a little girl to a self-assured lady, and I've never thought of myself as a little girl! Now in contrast, yes, I can see that the previous insecurities I had were ironed out. I'm more confident, more comfortable with myself. I can't say I'm brimming with positivity and shining like a beacon. But I have improved a hell lot in 4 months that I could do on my own. I hope these results will last.

[Shannon]

Quote, I don't know if it's too late for my input to be worth anything, but I would like to suggest that it would be best for you to get your friend alone, in private (perhaps over lunch) and approach it in one of two ways.

Approach #1. You tell her you have a friend you realize you have wronged, and that you need her help with knowing how to make it right. Tell her how you feel about the whole thing, and why this is important to you. Tell her your concerns about damaging the friendship, etc. Tell her why you want to make amends and how your personal changes have brought this about. Then gradually feed her enough information that when you genuinely and sincerely tell her that this friend is her, and apologize and ask how to make it right, she won't be surprised.

This approach is useful if she would react best to this if she understood all the background first.

Approach #2. Again get her alone, perhaps at lunch, and explain that you have been working on improving yourself as a person for some time now, and while doing so you have come to realize that there is something you need to apologize to her for and make right, and that you have been worried that doing so might damage your relationship with her. Tell her that her friendship is very important to you, and in part because of that fact, you have concluded that the best way to handle it is to try to make amends regardless. Then remind her of the situation, and genuinely and sincerely apologize and ask how you can make it right.

The growth you have experienced is very likely to be permanent. Growth along those lines from AM/AF usually is.

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Thanks Shannon, I appreciate your suggestions!

The growth you have experienced is very likely to be permanent. Growth along those lines from AM/AF usually is.

I'm very glad that the growth is permanent! What kind of growth would you classify this? It helps my understanding and growth

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Stage 4. Day 25.

I get the feeling that the period is probably coming. I'm not in a foul mood, not emotional, not explosive, not argumentative. Just feeling tired and need a bit more rest than usual (took a noon nap).

[Shannon]

Thanks Shannon, I appreciate your suggestions!

The growth you have experienced is very likely to be permanent. Growth along those lines from AM/AF usually is.

I'm very glad that the growth is permanent! What kind of growth would you classify this? It helps my understanding and growth

Generally, the more permanent growth appears to be growth that results in increased maturity and achieving a different level of understanding and awareness. For instance, when I started AM way back in the day, I was literally a doormat to my girlfriend. Now, that is quite impossible... I simply cannot go back, because I have outgrown that "box" and I am a different man now. Now, I will be single before I will allow any woman to mistreat me, and I give myself what I need. Back then, I was desperate for a woman's attentions, validation, approval and affections. I outgrew that. I cannot go back; the effects are permanent.

I am a leader now. I don't fit in the box of "follower" anymore... I am a man now. I don't fit in the box of "little boy" anymore. And so on. Those types of growth are permanent. The rest, they can become permanent.

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Day 26.

Ok, I'm learning to read my body. Initially I couldn't tell if a period was coming. I can feel it now. Although it isn't a 100% removal of pain and mood swings (initially it felt that way! I think it might because of the drastic reduction of pain and mood swings), I am VERY happy with the sub.

Previously, I got upset over particular matters (what my husband would call "tiny things" that ought to be shrugged off). I was upset, that's the way I felt! Now the opposite happens... No, the sub didn't make my husband get PMS... but when he flares up for some reason he may not really understand, and I couldn't for my life explain why he would see something so trivial in such a light that would upset him. I can understand why some men ridicule PMS. I'm just happy to have outgrown it

I'm a lot more stable emotionally. I have been feeling up, down, up, down the past days, but they are not huge swings. The down days... well, I wouldn't pay much notice to it, except for that I'm writing this journal.

Something that caught my attention today... I got angry, and I kinda showed it (in a tactful way, using silence). I'm actually happy that happened (because I thought I lost my anger!). Even though I don't quite understand it, I have faith that the changes are for the better. In short, what used to anger me, doesn't seem so anymore. And what I used to respond amicably, I express my anger!

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Day 28.

I got mad today. Hopping mad. In my head was a mish mash of what happened, and I couldn't tell what was the root cause of my anger.

I felt a little hopeless as I watched the scenes unfold, knowing the people involved, the situation just escalated beyond control like feeding a potentially wild fire. I was the buffer. Things just got worse as both sides do what they usually do to fuel each other's fire and as the buffer I had to grow to accommodate both sides and in the end got taken for granted, by both sides. I collapsed from trying to support the two.

I still don't know what I'm mad at, who I'm mad at, was it myself or someone else. All I know is some people just need to grow up, and grow out of serving their self-interests. Then there will be world peace.

I'm tired from all the commotion, even though I didn't do much or say much, I was battling inside what to do or say to mitigate the situation. I am so tired. So so tired...

[Spiral]

Even if you have done all you've done and you feel like you did it as best you could, there's no shame in doing what you did if you had the right intent.

Some people cannot be convinced, changed or helped. In the end you have to ask yourself was it any of your business mitigating the situation? sometimes people make others's matters their business which is unnecessary. I don't know what your situation is and don't need to know but there's a couple things to think about.

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Even if you have done all you've done and you feel like you did it as best you could, there's no shame in doing what you did if you had the right intent.

Some people cannot be convinced, changed or helped. In the end you have to ask yourself was it any of your business mitigating the situation? sometimes people make others's matters their business which is unnecessary. I don't know what your situation is and don't need to know but there's a couple things to think about.

Thank you for the encouragement, Spiral. Yes, it was family business. It happens when the involved are tired and have a shorter fuse, while I just want a peaceful evening. I have matured a great deal from listening to the subs, therefore on one hand I am able to keep my emotions under check better than the others. I must say that the situation did not get worse than such things happened in the past. Anger can cloud the mind very rapidly and usually does its job very well.

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Day 29.

I think that because I didn't get enough hours in for this stage as compared with Stages 1,2,3, I will extend my listening time by one day.

According to iTunes I have:
Stage 1 540 hours
Stage 2 550 hours
Stage 3 700+ hours !!! I think a few times my earphones fell out while asleep and other times I accidentally pressed play and didn't know it until much later, and I wasn't listening to the earphones.
Stage 4 470 hours up to now.

Another thing was, Day 1 I only listened to the sub once instead of on repeat mode, by the time I discovered it I lost a night.

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I have just completed Stage 4. Resting from AF until further notice.

I don't like the idea of stopping AF, but pregnancy takes the higher order. Can't have the best of both worlds. As AF deals with hormonal cycles, I wouldn't want it to affect the pregnancy.

Will check with the doctor in a few days to confirm it.

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I miss the sound of trickling stream

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It has been 2 months! Stopping AF was difficult at first, as with breaking habits. I've stopped listening to anything at night and misplaced my headset.

I have been going through major hormonal changes (thank you pregnancy!), and it's been quite a journey so far.

Although I have stopped AF for 2 months, its effects did not fade away, at least not apparent to me. Especially the mentioned growth by Shannon in eariler posts. I feel a lot more mature and I think through my thoughts better than before AF (despite having thrown around the room by my hormones). I am still able to hold my ground when needed, don't sweat the small stuff (when you are easily irritated, impatient and having 50X the intensity of a "normal" PMS against your will, you will most likely be getting upset over small, miniscule stuff).

Previously, I wanted to get things moving fast, speed things up, multi task. No more. At least not now. I'm much better at taking things in my stride, that things have their time and place to happen.

All the best to all of you, and see you again!