Alpha Female 2011 4G

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A couple words I would say matches Andrew's suggestions is use temperence and tact as best as you can when dealing with situations in where you feel sensitive or the other person begins to lose control. As alphas we know we have to set the frame.

Your progress is inspiring and reminds me a little bit of how I started to progress when first using these subs. I went from focusing on career and women to myself and others as a whole. When I look at the big picture, I see what's truly important.

Very good point, Spiral. Alphas set the frame.
I remembered at that moment I paused, I didn't know how to react/respond to the person. And I fell back onto what I used to do. I was literally doing it for the sake of it. It certainly didn't turn out well.

I felt empty as I was running through the words and motion. I wasn't mad and I was trying to be. It's hilarious now looking back on it. I think I was suppressing a smile while saying angry-sounding words.

I'm pleased to know that the subs are doing their work. I honestly did not feel a great difference day-to-day halfway through Stage 3. I mean, initially I was really tired (Stages 1-2), and I could feel a lot of drastic changes happening. Subsequently, they sort of blended into my life. I'll like to think of it as I have fully accepted it as me. Or it has broken through all possible resistances?

Also the initial stages, time passed slowly. I could count my days as they happened. Now, time seems to fly. I mean, FLY! I thought I wrote on the thread yesterday, but it seemed, 4 days had passed. (Don't worry, I remembered to sleep!) It felt like it was yesterday.

I'm glad that you guys popped by to help me with my questions. I appreciate that. I'll continue to update this thread with my progress. Thank you for the support!

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Stage 4. Day 16.

I had the chance to go through some of my previous work (before AF) and discovered that my approaches are different!

You know all the energy in the forum just pushes me over the edge... I want to do my new subs! Has to wait till April.

Shannon, I read somewhere before that I should rest between subs, I forgot where I read it... how many days do I have to rest after AF, before I start a new sub? Was it 1 day per stage? Thanks!

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And if I may add... Stage 4 is insofar the MOST comfortable stage! I haven't felt any resistance or negativity.

Discomfort of some form was present in earlier 3 stages for me. I don't remember exactly what they were now, but they were all recorded in this journal.

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Stage 4. Day 17.

I cried today. I saw something I didn't like, it made me angry, and I shut down for a while. The amazing thing was, I could carry on "life as normal" (after the brief expression of unhappiness), something I couldn't do in the past.

I pondered over the matter (superficial), and dug deeper to find out exactly what I was really mad about. I could feel my emotions and be logical with them at the same time, and crying through the entire time I was writing my letter. It felt different ...in the sense that before, it was either-or, either feeling it or being logicial about it. When I unloaded the words, I just felt a closure. And now, it coexists, after unloading what I wanted to say, I still felt the emotions, no closure yet. Although no closure, I feel very much in control of my emotions, in the sense that they don't consume me, even if I let them roam freely. When I receive a reply on the letter I wrote, I believe in time closure will arrive.

This is new, probably the 2nd new significant thing that happened in stage 4. I'm learning to deal with the new stuff that's going on.

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Stage 4. Day 19.

I lay down on the bed, listening to the subs as usual, but today, I felt my head buzz. It was a vibration of my skull. I thought, oh what was that, and then it buzzed again! I think it buzzed 4 times during that short span of time.

It hasn't happened before. My volume is ok, I'm listening to masked subs. It felt like my whole head was attached to the phone vibrator.

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Stage 4. Day 20-21.

Down with a cold/flu.

I considered using MIR for the cold/flu I have. I discovered that the grogginess was due to dehydration. After a lot of fluids and rest, I finally feel better, but each time I either wake up with a blocked nose or a headache. I think my body is fighting well and I'm giving the fighting opportunities it needs. I will continue my AF journey per schedule!

As life slowed down for me these two days... I realised that I might have "gone too fast". I should slow down and enjoy life

Higher EQ. More mature. I'm happy with my progress on AF for the past months.

After I've downed my water I'm off to bed to continue fighting. Trudge on, you guys!

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An old memory surfaced today... I felt that I needed to seek forgiveness for, to most people deem as a small matter, but to me, I felt really sorry, because I felt it was an uncalled for and could deeply affect the person receiving the comment (especially less mature persons). The problem is, I don't know how to do it and it's bothering me.

The matter was:
We were playing a turn-based game. It could get pretty boring if the players bide their time on making a decision on their turn. So when the current game finally ended and a new game started (with 1 change in player, a novice player), I made a truthful but hurtful comment that "wow now this game moves a lot faster" within the earshot of the novice player (without thinking). From the behaviour of the person after I made the comment and the months/years thereafter, I felt that the comment had been taken personally and with hard feelings.

Although our relationship/friendship has been amicable (she is a nice person), I still felt a need to apologise for my bad behaviour. I did feel haughty while making the comment back then, which adds to the guilt.

Well guys ... what should I do?
Too much time has passed to dig up an incident this small, even though I remember it clear as day. I mean, my friend may not think of it much today since it has been watered down over time. Or I might be wrong and she still holds a grudge (which women are famous for).

I know I would feel a whole lot better if I just apologised for the matter, and should probably have done so back then, but I guess I wasn't as mature as I am today.

Your comments, suggestions, criticisms are welcome. Thank you!

[stratos]

could just shoot them a quick email. if it's bugging you, asking for forgiveness will lighten your heart.

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could just shoot them a quick email. if it's bugging you, asking for forgiveness will lighten your heart.

The dilemma is digging up such a small, casual matter that happened years ago, will it harm the relationship? I have no idea.

Is this a guilt pattern that I have, that the sub is working on releasing? Perhaps. Do I need to act on it? I don't know, but I know that I will feel better if I apologised for my behaviour.

To apologise for this matter because of my guilt trip would be pure selfishness on my part, because I'm doing it for myself. Our relationship is amicable, and my friend is polite (and younger than me, hence in some way she looks up to me), I could make it better but I don't want to make it worse. If she held a grudge all these years and I apologised, I think it would release some anger in her. If she hadn't, and couldn't seem to remember the incident, wouldn't I appear to be narrow-minded and the one bearing the grudge?

I was proud and haughty when I said it, and I'm not proud of it now.

...

You know what? It suddenly dawned on me what I should do now LOL.

Thanks stratos for reading and responding!

[stratos]

You're welcome. Let us know how it goes.
Asking for forgiveness is as much for you as it is for her, compassion for you both. Nothing wrong with taking care of yourself too.

[Fonzy3]

could just shoot them a quick email. if it's bugging you, asking for forgiveness will lighten your heart.

The dilemma is digging up such a small, casual matter that happened years ago, will it harm the relationship? I have no idea.

Is this a guilt pattern that I have, that the sub is working on releasing? Perhaps. Do I need to act on it? I don't know, but I know that I will feel better if I apologised for my behaviour.

To apologise for this matter because of my guilt trip would be pure selfishness on my part, because I'm doing it for myself. Our relationship is amicable, and my friend is polite (and younger than me, hence in some way she looks up to me), I could make it better but I don't want to make it worse. If she held a grudge all these years and I apologised, I think it would release some anger in her. If she hadn't, and couldn't seem to remember the incident, wouldn't I appear to be narrow-minded and the one bearing the grudge?

I was proud and haughty when I said it, and I'm not proud of it now.

...

You know what? It suddenly dawned on me what I should do now LOL.

Thanks stratos for reading and responding!

No it won't hurt you

Yes you need to act on it

You can't say it would make her angry, all you can do it change how you feel. Saying "sorry" is just a spoken word but you have to deal with the root of the problem between the both of you for any progress.

What you just did was evidence of dealing with some of your fear and guilt. Keep it up and you'll see great changes.

Thanks

Fonzy

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Stage 4. Day 22.

Time started flying since Stage 3. I'm feeling a whole lot better with the cold/flu. It hasn't disturbed my listening schedule, so I'm feeling great!

Nothing else out of the blue. I'll find a right time to break the ice on the issue with my friend.

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could just shoot them a quick email. if it's bugging you, asking for forgiveness will lighten your heart.

The dilemma is digging up such a small, casual matter that happened years ago, will it harm the relationship? I have no idea.

Is this a guilt pattern that I have, that the sub is working on releasing? Perhaps. Do I need to act on it? I don't know, but I know that I will feel better if I apologised for my behaviour.

To apologise for this matter because of my guilt trip would be pure selfishness on my part, because I'm doing it for myself. Our relationship is amicable, and my friend is polite (and younger than me, hence in some way she looks up to me), I could make it better but I don't want to make it worse. If she held a grudge all these years and I apologised, I think it would release some anger in her. If she hadn't, and couldn't seem to remember the incident, wouldn't I appear to be narrow-minded and the one bearing the grudge?

I was proud and haughty when I said it, and I'm not proud of it now.

...

You know what? It suddenly dawned on me what I should do now LOL.

Thanks stratos for reading and responding!

No it won't hurt you

Yes you need to act on it

You can't say it would make her angry, all you can do it change how you feel. Saying "sorry" is just a spoken word but you have to deal with the root of the problem between the both of you for any progress.

What you just did was evidence of dealing with some of your fear and guilt. Keep it up and you'll see great changes.

Thanks

Fonzy

If all I had in mind was me, I would have just gone out there blurted all of it and said sorry just to sleep better at night. But I value my relationship and friendship with her more. Hence the dilemma. You know, if I chose not to mention a word about that day, we could continue amicably forever, and I could trust time to heal whatever pain, hurt or grudges she held.

What I needed to find was to strike a balance between the two, healing myself and not disrupt the relationship. Which I happened to stumble upon while replying stratos. Can't believe my luck

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Stage 4. Day 24.

I'm feeling rather down today. I was up and happy the past few days, and today I just woke up not feeling as good. Went downhill from there. I am now having a bad hair day.

The past week hasn't been productive. I haven't done a lot of work, and spent my time idling around. I wonder why it's that. No motivation to work.

It's about time to load the next stage and prepare my playlist. A week more to Stage 5. Time flies.