Aces High: A Maverick Journal

[Ampersnd]

Similar and yet different. My personal failures didn’t have so much to do with sexual abundance and or having my shit together earlier. There were several things that were brought up to the surface around personal relationships and a certain battle I had with myself about it. But, again, different. Whatever it is will be unique to every user. 

Word of caution, follow the listening patterns to the T. You might want to do more, don’t. That’s the best way for Maverick to blow up in your face. 

And good on you for not wanting to quit. Some members will want to hit the eject button as they get closer to the close of their 3rd month. 

This is why I also suggest taking a few weeks off the sub. It’ll only help. 

I’ve used Maverick close to 10 or 11 months now, losing track of the time. It’s the only sub I have used this extensively - not counting updates to DMSI releases. 

Hence why I always say enjoy the ride. Especially for those that persist with Maverick past the 6 month mark. 

My experience goes against part of what you've written is that I don't want to give up Maverick at all. I do realize that I have to attack my inner shame and guilt head on with OGSF, but the inner turbulence is not throwing me off this program.

Also, I have a growing desire to increase the frequency of the playthroughs; not something that I will seriously entertain, but I'm committed to pushing through the pain vs deflecting from it.

But yes, an abundance of inner turbulence. Being slapped in the face with the false paths I've followed (and inevitably learned painful lessons along the way). Being shown examples of other men who have gotten their act together a whole decade before I've had it. Who've had sexual abundance 15 years before me. In part due to inner forces that act on me without my knowledge or control (i.e. unconscious beliefs cultivated in childhood). The whole thing is dreadful and sickening, but also empowering and exhilarating at the same time. No matter where I go, I cannot escape this inner tension, but I know that it is fortifying me into someone with control over the direction of their life.

Was your experience at all similar?

Do you have words to describe what might be expected between months 6-10? In other words, the added benefits of sticking to the program past the recommended time.

Of course, mileage may vary and all that good stuff. But was there a theme to that period of time in your life in general?

For example, month 3 feels an awful lot like a mirror that has a 10x magnification, where there's literally nothing I can hide from. My inadequacies are presented to me in glaring detail, and at the same time I'm 10x motivated to wipe them all out.