AYP Boyfriend Journal

[cashmerecat]

Day 18.

I felt really agitated today. I don’t know if that was resistance to the sub. I was thinking about how R stopped contacting me after what seemed to be a fun date and how we’ve already planned things for the next meet up. It was frustrating. But I know it’s not my fault, so there’s a shift in my thinking. Last time I would question myself, what’s wrong with me, what did I do wrong. Now I know it’s not me. As long as I am true to myself, there is no regret. If they don’t like me – they are simply not for me. That is all.

After all the frustration came the high feeling again. It was this feeling like I had so much energy. I went on the treadmill and I could run more than usual today. Then I went home, I made sure I eat something yummy, watch some funny shows and enjoy my time drawing in my new sketchbook. When I was on the bus I was thinking about being myself and allowing myself to do whatever I like to do and I was filled up with so much love. It was a really strong feeling and it was amazing.

I know M will come back to find me because he is the one. He will come when he comes.

[cashmerecat]

Day 29.

I’ve been watching a lot of twin flames and soul mate videos on youtube. I just feel like watching them and I don’t know why. I have a feeling M is my twin soul, but it could just be wishful thinking. I’m not waiting for him to come back. But the thought that he will come to find me is always on my mind.

[cashmerecat]

Day 39.

On the train I was thinking about how I was struggling with dating last year. It had never been easy for me to be single and by myself. I didn’t like myself so I always needed someone with me, for two reasons: validation from an external source, and a distraction from being me, living my life. That certainly made my relationships very unhealthy and me being in that state could only attract people on the same level as me. I thought about how I had sex with a guy before I was ready, not because I hoped it’d make him like me, but because I wanted that human connection, that closeness. I was so alone and at the same time was terrified of letting people in before they give me a piece of their soul first.

I thought about how I always needed people to like me. It’s still there but not as strong as before. Now the need to be true to myself, do what I like, enjoy my alone time is stronger than ever. I’d rather be single for the rest of my life than be with the wrong person.

[cashmerecat]

Day 40.

I noticed that I’ve been wanting to dress better and wear heels more. It’s not a conscious choice to serve any purpose so it must be an influence from the sub.

Today I realized I’ve come a long way. Just a few years back I had no confidence in myself and was full of self-hatred. I was constantly putting myself down and always depending on a guy to feel better. Now I have a group of friends I love, a job I’m good at, I love spending time with myself, I put myself first and most importantly, I love and respect myself. I’m really proud of what I have achieved so far.

[cashmerecat]

Day 47.

Recently I’ve been wearing a lot more tight dresses and tops that show off my curves. My body still looks pretty much the same, not better or worse, definitely not perfect but I’m way more comfortable with it now and I like how I look. I noticed that a lot of guys stare at me on the street. Previously I didn’t like it because it made me uncomfortable, now I just don’t care.

A few things happened and they really reinforced my belief that being single is way better than being with the wrong person.

I really like myself now and I think I’m awesome. And if someone doesn’t like me that’s not my problem.

[4Kingdoms]

@cashmerecat
Glad to see you are keeping notes and thank you for sharing your experiences with the forum. Many are skeptical with the AYP (attract your perfect) and MYP (manifest your perfect) subs.

I'm glad to hear you are comfortable with being single. I'm sure you heard the saying, "You have to love yourself before you can love someone else."

[Lowe]

The AYPs so far seem to get mixed results, and we don't have enough feedback on the MYP (5G), so I always appreciate seeing one of these being played. Hopefully the manifestation tech Shannon has been tinkering with can make the upcoming MYP subs work every time.

Anyhow. Best of luck! Keep us updated.

[Athena]

I'm another one who's really pleased to see your journal. As you know, I am doing the same subliminal as you, the Attract Your Perfect Boyfriend one and I really like to be able to read about your experiences with it too.

It also sounds very much like you are on the right track, in terms that you are happy either way.

I'm not there AS much as you, but I think the sub IS helping me to detatch from outcome more than I was before.

I've noticed the staring thing too a bit, now that you mention it. It's more recently, like I'll catch a guy or two staring at me on the train which did happen at one stage, but hasn't for over a year..until quite recently actually. And now that you mention it, overall I'm speaking more kindly to myself, a little more self-loving...I didn't link it to the sub but maybe!

Not sure what results I'll get but I found myself really REALLY drawn to the "Attract Your Perfect" series, not ALL of them, but certain titles....

Anyway, wow, I LOVED reading your journal on this and hearing about your experiences with this. Thank you for sharing this & please update as you wish!! Am glad about what you have experienced and shared here so far & look forward to more in future :-)

[cashmerecat]

Thank you guys for reading my journal. I hope one day it will end with a positive outcome so people can see that the AYPs work. I don't know if some subs work better than others, for me LM worked wonderfully. I used it when I was trying to get a job and it turned out to be a the best job and best boss I've ever had. I have trust in Shannon's work and if it takes up to 6 months, I'm going to run it for 6 months if I have to.

Day 48. I've had exes and guys I used to date coming out of the woodwork recently. I don't want to reconnect with any of them. I appreciate what we've had but seeing them again just makes me so so grateful that I did not end up with them. I guess that means I have changed and finally let myself think that I deserve better now.

I had a very vivid dream last night of me cuddling with my boyfriend (in the dream, I don't know him in real life), feeling so much love in my heart, and I told him I love him...it was a really nice feeling.

[Shannon]

It sounds to me, after reading your journal, like you are being transformed by the manifestation to be ready and able for this perfect boyfriend you are manifesting. That is something I had not noticed before, but it makes perfect sense. I really love seeing that you are becoming more and more self valuing, and more self supplying and self respecting. Shy of a smart woman, the sexiest woman is one who has self respect.

I would like to share with you some thoughts on soul mates. Take this or leave it, but consideration may be helpful.

You say you know that M is the one, and that he will come back. Whether or not that is true, he does not necessarily have to come back in this lifetime. You are never allowed to interact with your "twin flame" unless doing so will not interfere with what you are learning. This is because the lesson is more important, and the connection is there regardless. So unless and until you have learned whatever you are here to learn, you are unlikely to experience your twin flame unless doing so is part of learning that lessons. Which does happen, but it is not always the case.

The experiences you describe tell me that you are learning self appreciation, self love, and self valuation. Standing on your own two feet, as it were. I went through that also; spent the first 36 years of my life in constant terror because my mother raised me to be helpless instead of to overcome my fears, which I suspect she did so she could feel needed. When she died, I was suddenly all alone, and there was no choice. It was grow or die. Well, I didn't die. But I grew, and now I love being by myself. Even when I have a girlfriend, I don't let them live with me. My space is my space and I need that alone time.

Back to my point, you are growing, and that can only be a good thing. But you should let go of M. If he really is your twin flame, he will always be connected to you and you will always be together through that connection. But if it is not time for him, then you are limiting what you can experience and achieve in the mean time by holding on. That can actually prevent you from having experiences you want to have, because subconsciously you resist them in favor of someone else who is not there.

What is yours comes back to you. What is not flies away. In the mean time, you have a garden to grow. Let go of the butterfly, and grow your garden. When the flowers bloom, you'll find that your butterfly shows up quite naturally. But maybe in the meantime, someone else can help you enjoy your garden.

[cashmerecat]

Thank you Shannon. You are my hero and it's an honour to have you sharing your experience and advice with me. I have been thinking of letting go of M, actually, and it's terrifying. I don't believe in effort anymore, so when I feel like it, I will do it. For now I accept that I'm still hung up on him. I hope the total solar eclipse in my 5th house will bring me something interesting

[dissonance]

btw is your name a reference to cashmere cat the music artist?

[maxx55]

This is my first time actually looking at a woman's journal not only to see their results with the sub, but understand their point of view better.

Just so you know, the guys that you saw staring at you 9 times out of 10 thought you were attractive. It's a natural response for most guys.

It's always great to see these AYP/MYP journals and it does seem like you've been changing for the better. I wish you a good run with AYP Boyfriend!

[cashmerecat]

Update: AYPB 63 days + EHPRA 2.0 32 days + AYPB 27 days

After 2 months on AYPB, I wanted to take a break and tried out EHPRA 2.0. I was curious about the new 5.5 technology and thought it would help clear out whatever is blocking my manifestation. The run was amazing - no resistance whatsoever, better sleep, more energy, but everyday was an emotional rollercoaster. It brought up lots of emotional baggage to the surface for me to deal with. I felt that I was calmer, kinder to myself, and my personal boundaries were much much stronger. I cut off contacts with some people who I thought were my "friends" but didn't respect our friendship. I went back to online dating but this time I don't waste my time and energy on people I don't feel good about.

I would love to use it for more than 32 days, but right now what I want the most in life is a solid, loving relationship, so I am back on AYPB. This time I'm going to run it until the manifestation happens. The funny thing is when I was on EHPRA 2.0, I didn't get that many messages from guys on the online dating site, but once I started AYPB, the messages started to stream in! Other things I have noticed are: while on EHPRA, if I didn't feel like doing something, I didn't do it. I stopped exercising regularly, I didn't dress up, I didn't go out as much. After switching to AYPB, I'm back to my yoga classes, put more effort into my appearance, going out more, being more social in general.

I met someone that I felt connected to right away, and he's not what I would consider physically attractive, but I was still attracted to him. He just has this beautiful, calming, grounded energy. Sadly, he told me he's not looking to settle down right now, and all he can offer me is a non-monogamous relationship or friendship. Well that's clearly not what I want, but strangely at the same time I'm happy and truly grateful. I guess this time I can appreciate what he can give that I enjoy - friendship and companionship, instead of focusing on what he can't give. And this time, I don't have to try to have sex with him to manipulate him into liking me/staying with me lol.