AM7 Log

[NOMAD]

Stage 0 - Day 54

Over the past week, I seem to have let go of some anger and resentment I've been holding onto for a very long time. As much as I hate to admit it, I believe it stemmed,  at least partially,  from a victim mentality. This is something that burdened me at a very deep level, so I'm glad to be free of it.

Other than that,  I still feel flat. Maybe there's more that's being addressed beneath the surface that I'm not detecting.

I'm almost to the half way point of finishing Stage 0. I'm happy about that. I'm not sure what to expect from AM7 stages 1 through 7, both during the run and as the end result. So, I'm eager to get off the tricycle and work my way up to the Harley to see what it's all about.

[NOMAD]

Stage 0 - Day 60

I've recently developed interest in the topics of power and dominance. I'm not sure if that's related to Stage 0 or if it's a byproduct of things that irritate me at work.

Other than that, I don't have anything to report. I'm not seeing any obvious signs of execution. I'm also not seeing any obvious sgns of resistance.  Really, I don't feel like I'm running a sub at all.

I'm half way through Stage 0, but it feels like I've been running it much longer. I'm ready to move on and get to the meat of the program.

[NOMAD]

Stage 0 - Day 60

I seem to be less irritable overall, but especially at work. At the beginning of the week, I struggled to keep my irritation in check as office politics resurfaced. By the end of the week, I had cooled down and was even friendly with people that I could have choked a few days earlier. Part of that is because I've begun to educate myself on social power dynamics, which is a topic I've intentionally steered clear of because I've never cared to play the game. But, I've come to realize that there are some nasty folks in this world who play those games well and that I'm playing the game (and losing) whether I like it or not.  So, I'm educating myself on the topic and it has been enlightening. In an effort to be a good manager,  coworker,  employee, and friend,  I've walked into traps. And admittedly, there were times when my own ego has screwed me too. Knowing this,  
I don't feel as helpless.

Between the statements above and Stage 0, I'm letting go in some areas that I thought were keys to the value I bring at work. The truth is, in spite of my efforts and the fact that I'm providing my colleagues with methods and tools to be more successful, the executives and the CEO  (my boss) don't give a shit. Supposedly, they have a strategy that will be implemented soon (I've been told this for the past 4 years and it hasn't materialized, hence my efforts.) So, I've decided to finish developing my tools over the next two weeks, make them available my colleagues (several already use the unfinished version),  then keep my mouth shut in anticipation of the new strategy. Meanwhile, I'll continue to be successful with the tools and practices that I've developed. I'll help anyone who asks, but I'm tired of the fact that problems persist, the upper management won't address the problems, I develop workarounds as short-term solutions, then I'm pushed to the side because "we shouldn't have to take those actions". They're right, we shouldn't. But the folks with the real authority won't do anything to solve the problems. Then everybody bitches about the problems. Then I point out effective short-term solutions.  And around and around we go.

The two biggest issues here are that  (1) I'm working with an upper management folks that want the company to operate according to a specific structure, but they won't enforce their expectations across middle-management and (2) I'm working alongside an ambitious individual who intends to elevate himself at all costs, including undermining my successful approache.  We could be working together to roll out an effective long term strategy in phases. But then,  he wouldn't get the credit for being the savior, which is what he's really after. 

This is something that has weighed heavily on me for a while, but this week, it seems to have lost a lot of its hold on me. I'll just continue to do my own (successful) thing.  If the new strategy is implemented, I'll get on board. If it doesn't, I don't care...I already have a method that works and I'm not too lazy to use it.