AM7 - Frosted

[Frosted]

Meditation day 30:

20 minutes focus.

Again somewhat spacey session. Again, my sleep hasn’t been the best so I’m somewhat tired constantly. I think I might be underestimating how productive my sessions are though. I feel like I’m gaining something after even when I feel like I didn’t do that good…


On the AM7 front I feel more desire for women, which is a noticeable change.

[Shannon]

Meditation challenge day 29:

20 minutes focus. Spacey but not totally garbage session. I was short on time so had to meditate in unfortunate circumstances not conducive to proper practice, but at least I got the time in. Also short on sleep again.

AM7 continuing to be amazing. I’m somewhat surprised it’s so smooth. I wonder how much is the prior work I’ve done and how much is just how awesome Shannon made AM7.

Not claiming credit here but there are several big changes to Stage 0 that were intended to do exactly that.

[Frosted]

Meditation challenge day 29:

20 minutes focus. Spacey but not totally garbage session. I was short on time so had to meditate in unfortunate circumstances not conducive to proper practice, but at least I got the time in. Also short on sleep again.

AM7 continuing to be amazing. I’m somewhat surprised it’s so smooth. I wonder how much is the prior work I’ve done and how much is just how awesome Shannon made AM7.

Not claiming credit here but there are several big changes to Stage 0 that were intended to do exactly that.

Nice! It’s definitely surprisingly smooth. I was expecting a lot more friction, remembering my AM6 runs.


Some more AM7 stuff:

When I pat people on the back I do it more firmly (without doing it on purpose, just something I noticed after the fact).

I feel a sharp background anxiety in my stomach today, so there is some friction, but for some reason it’s not that big of a deal, kind of just something in the background.

I seem to point at people more, in like a salesman way. I already did this before, but it’s happening more. It’s like saying “I acknowledge you”. I wouldn’t have noticed if NOMAD hadn’t mentioned something similar. Maybe it’s placebo, though.

[Frosted]

Meditation day 31:

20 minutes focus. Sitting down to get it done was like pulling teeth today.

Spacey session. Super tired today. I gotta start sleeping more cause I’m just chronically tired all the time. 6-8 hours isnt enough for me.

[ncbeareatingman]

Meditation day 31:

20 minutes focus. Sitting down to get it done was like pulling teeth today.

Spacey session. Super tired today. I gotta start sleeping more cause I’m just chronically tired all the time. 6-8 hours isnt enough for me.

Frosty. I wanna recommend a good adrenal  in take for ya Man. I take adrenal complex by Designs for Health, others I get on eBay, directly where I live etc,like MSM & TMG capsules as well as Melatonin  Caps.... helps with dealing with stress and related  stressful situation and for sleeping better. Thats why I brought  it all up in the first place. I Love the Intrasound powder too, for help in getting me going and going down, slowing down sleep wise. intrasound powder or gel. All searchable. peace & power.
PS: Creatine, I Love that all way round ,also Zinc Magnesium, Postasiom daily. IMHO.

[Frosted]

@ncbeareatingman I appreciate the tips man! I’ll try to get more sleep and if that doesn’t work I might do some of the things you recommended. I’ve already tried melatonin, but it gives me a “hangover” so I try to avoid it. The other stuff sounds potentially worth trying out though.


Meditation day 32:

32 minutes focus.

Last obligational day for the challenge. And that’s interesting, because it’s been the most interesting. It’s been the first one where I continued past the obligated time and it was simply because I wholeheartedly wanted to for some reason. My body suddenly felt pleasant, like some kind of subtle storm had passed or something.

It just suddenly felt pleasant to keep going right at the end when I was getting ready to get up. It was a mediocre seeming session until right about that point and now I’d say it was probably my best session in recent memory by far.

I wonder if I’m actually doing good but I’m comparing my results to an imagined ideal (of where I want to be or where I feel like I SHOULD be) and coming up short. Damn just noticing how I feel great after that session.


Another thing. I’m noticing that the emergent entity of trauma brain fog is still there, just more translucent and harder to notice. It’s still there and still holding me back. I suddenly had a click where I was like “oh, what I’m experiencing is a ghost of what it used to be, but it’s still there, and still holding me back”. It’s like I’m encased in a layer of trauma that’s keeping me from expressing naturally, but the “me” deep down is mostly healthy now. It’s like a cow that’s kept docile by putting I into an enclosure with an electric fence.

I’m about 2 weeks-ish into Stage 0 so far, and there’s actually a lot happening, but it just feels normal. Like I suddenly realized my body language, attitude, etc. was all different without me noticing. I just feel like normal me. Noticing people starting to treat me different in different contexts, especially strangers. I had a waitress assume I was the “group leader” today even though I wasn’t even the one paying lol.

I also had a cashier randomly say I looked “zen” while I was waiting in line, which could be noise, or it could be AM7 stuff. I was mostly focusing on relaxing and letting go of my lingering insecurities while waiting. I definitely feel more comfortable in public, but also more insecure paradoxically. I feel like it’s partly me working on stuff, partly just that becoming more “visible” or “high status” triggers insecurity, and the fear of becoming a target.

[Frosted]

I was at the grocery store waiting in line and I sat in the uncomfortable feelings that came up. It seems I’m dealing with a potent trauma response right now because it feels worse than a punch to the gut. My attention kept wanting to avoid everything and just “seem normal” or not be “weird”, but I consciously recognized that there’s nothing wrong with me and I’m okay just relaxing in my natural state.

It was basically like trying to tame a wild horse, but I felt like I’ve done better than I ever have. I sat in the feelings even against potential perceived social disapproval (there’s levels to this, and even “rebelling” can actually subtly reinforce a deeper layer, cause you’re doing it within the tribes frame still). I’ve overcome a lot of that stuff, but there’s definitely a deeper layer that’s still there obviously.

The image in my mind of what was happening was basically I was operating in the world through my body rather than my head, and it felt painful, like I was operating through something broken, and the social pressure was exerting weight on that wounded part of me, and I refused to react to by retreating or by being counter phobic.

Honestly it feels like I’m cutting myself out of some kind of tapestry I’m forced to be in, where I’m a cog in a machine for a system I didn’t design and that doesn’t serve me. I’m basically rebelling by existing as a complete entity from that. There’s all kinds of unconscious reinforcement mechanisms that come into play in my mind when I try to deviate. It literally feels like I’ll die when I do.

It’s like there’s some kind of unconscious suppression mechanism in my mind forcing me into the herd.

I wanted to say more but I forgot. I don’t think I accurately said what I set out to, but this moment felt more significant than usual for reasons I find it hard to explain. I think mostly because it feels like I’m going from silent/covert rebellion, to visible rebellion. It’s one thing to do your own thing in private and retreat from the world, it’s another to not allow the world to exert pressure on you psychologically. Or something like that.

[ncbeareatingman]

I was at the grocery store waiting in line and I sat in the uncomfortable feelings that came up. It seems I’m dealing with a potent trauma response right now because it feels worse than a punch to the gut. My attention kept wanting to avoid everything and just “seem normal” or not be “weird”, but I consciously recognized that there’s nothing wrong with me and I’m okay just relaxing in my natural state.

It was basically like trying to tame a wild horse, but I felt like I’ve done better than I ever have. I sat in the feelings even against potential perceived social disapproval (there’s levels to this, and even “rebelling” can actually subtly reinforce a deeper layer, cause you’re doing it within the tribes frame still). I’ve overcome a lot of that stuff, but there’s definitely a deeper layer that’s still there obviously.

The image in my mind of what was happening was basically I was operating in the world through my body rather than my head, and it felt painful, like I was operating through something broken, and the social pressure was exerting weight on that wounded part of me, and I refused to react to by retreating or by being counter phobic.

Honestly it feels like I’m cutting myself out of some kind of tapestry I’m forced to be in, where I’m a cog in a machine for a system I didn’t design and that doesn’t serve me. I’m basically rebelling by existing as a complete entity from that. There’s all kinds of unconscious reinforcement mechanisms that come into play in my mind when I try to deviate. It literally feels like I’ll die when I do.

It’s like there’s some kind of unconscious suppression mechanism in my mind forcing me into the herd.

I wanted to say more but I forgot. I don’t think I accurately said what I set out to, but this moment felt more significant than usual for reasons I find it hard to explain. I think mostly because it feels like I’m going from silent/covert rebellion, to visible rebellion. It’s one thing to do your own thing in private and retreat from the world, it’s another to not allow the world to exert pressure on you psychologically. Or something like that.

 I get it, I get it Frosted ,Loud & Clear!!  Fucking A ,Man!! 
Keep getting conscious and aware, you're knockin' it outta the park, on regular. more power to Ya,Man.

[Benjamin]

That sounds like it's going somewhere imporant, and deep.

Yes social disapproval (or perceived, because I know sometimes I can perceive it from very little things where it may or may not apply) is a big one, a big way people control or manipulate us.

Like people trying to talk shit or subtly bring you down if you start to become confident, try to discourage you or even criticize you for example if you talk to some attractive girls, just because of their own shit, throw their own limiting beliefs at you.

I've especially noticed times i'm having alot of fun, usually with a girl i'm dating and were in a shop laughing, being playful and such there's usually always one person who looks fucking angry like "HOW DARE YOU HAVE FUN". Like legitimately upset.

The problem is alot of the time this stuff affects me and makes me shut down.

The ultimate level is to be entertained by their reaction, make a joke about it, I remember doing that in the past when in this state like going to the girl i'm with "omg what are you doing, nobody is allowed to have fun in this world anymore".. and not care, just keep going about what you're doing.

But you're right it very much does not serve you or most people. It's all a way of control, manipulation and trying to shut down confidence.. especially masculinity which is a big target.

The last part is awesome "it's another thing to not allow the world to exert pressure on you psychologically".

Very cool.