AM6 - started the "Big One"!

[yoshilee]

So i started AM6 after being into UD and EPHRA. Those two gave me already a good impression of the way subs are working, also clearing focus and awareness of all the stuff within myself.

I´ll run AM6 probably until AM7 shows up on the horizon, just to go on with that one

By now i am done with a good half of stage 1. What i can recognize that far are several things already.

Some self-esteem starts already to grow, but at the same time it seems a basic feeling of kind of aggression comes along too. I get annoyed by other people, when they don´t make clear statements or refuse to make up their decisions.
Of course that is the inner feeling, but i already start a little to confront such issues in speech too (as the past was as it seems all about maintaining harmony, but at the expense of myself).

In between is kicking in a lot of victim mentality (blaming parents and myself) and letting go of the past is another thing which needs to be badly dressed. Also regret for lifetime because things never were that clear to me.

The basic feeling and mood is very mixed, but in general already different to my "pre-sub-times".

For now i try to maintain 2 loops by headphone in the evening and hybrid-ocean while sleeping, which sums up to roughly 8 - 10 hours/day.
Daily routine gives me no chance to listening there.


Feedback and response from all you AM6 veterans is of course appreciated!

[Benjamin]

Alot of that is normal. The being annoyed at people is common on AM, especially if it's people who have picked on you or taken advantage of you. The anger can help you to start to be more assertive.

And getting annoyed at them not being clear would be part of the assertiveness training too.

The victim mentality coming up sounds like something is being worked on around that. When that happens it can be more obvious for a time as it's being focused on. Sounds like you're off to a good start.

[JCasterlin]

So i started AM6 after being into UD and EPHRA. Those two gave me already a good impression of the way subs are working, also clearing focus and awareness of all the stuff within myself.

I´ll run AM6 probably until AM7 shows up on the horizon, just to go on with that one

By now i am done with a good half of stage 1. What i can recognize that far are several things already.

Some self-esteem starts already to grow, but at the same time it seems a basic feeling of kind of aggression comes along too. I get annoyed by other people, when they don´t make clear statements or refuse to make up their decisions.
Of course that is the inner feeling, but i already start a little to confront such issues in speech too (as the past was as it seems all about maintaining harmony, but at the expense of myself).

In between is kicking in a lot of victim mentality (blaming parents and myself) and letting go of the past is another thing which needs to be badly dressed. Also regret for lifetime because things never were that clear to me.

The basic feeling and mood is very mixed, but in general already different to my "pre-sub-times".

For now i try to maintain 2 loops by headphone in the evening and hybrid-ocean while sleeping, which sums up to roughly 8 - 10 hours/day.
Daily routine gives me no chance to listening there.


Feedback and response from all you AM6 veterans is of course appreciated!

There's a hybrid version of the AM6 tracks? Did I miss something?

[Voytek]

Is this your first run, mate? I've experienced the same effects while doing AM6 stage 1 for the first time.

[DavisMind91]

Best of luck

[yoshilee]

Is this your first run, mate? I've experienced the same effects while doing AM6 stage 1 for the first time.

Yes, this is the very beginning!

@JCasterlin guess i mistyped there.

[yoshilee]

#metoo

so finally i got hit by wrong playlist as well. After my whole music storage went into a mess i realized that i was playing stage one instead of two (i was rather in the beginning of stage two). Talking about several missed days, not really sure how much, the way is to start over at the beginning instead of guessing the missed time with 1,5*day rule.

[yoshilee]

Actually i am heading for the transition into stage 2.

My present situation feels a bit strange as follows:

As far as i can remember i got several strong dreams (even waking up) with some fictional family scenes. But in the end showing me a little where patterns of behavior and thoughts have been build up for years.

For now the faint feeling of increasing self esteem has vanished, making place for more annoyance with myself and my life. There is a strong tendency to kind of isolate myself from social activity.
It is like there is a permanent condition of feeling restless/nervous inside making it rather hard to relax in both ways, mental and physical.
Thoughts seem to rush around in a crazy speed on obviously an infinite number of topics (real life related but also fictional stuff - like a permanent scanning for something i can not name yet), making it hard to focus and calm down, as this is somehow never finished with kind of a result.

Let´s see how things go on.

[StridingStrider]

You did UD and E1? How was the healing and clearing?

[yoshilee]

@StridingStrider

Yes, i was running UD/E2 before that. E2 made a lot of noise by stirring things up. It brought my awareness to the times when being hurt. But also stuff kind of faded away in an emotional way and giving me a clear sight what that was building up over time, speaking in terms of wrong beliefs/thinking patterns.

So what is addressed in AM seems perfect to me by that time. But i still expect hard work/fights as i need to break down things, being established over many years.

[yoshilee]

Right now things turn out to be tough. I have a couple of days left before diving into stage 3.

A broad feeling of being unsatisfied has grown, covering nearly all aspects. That on the other hand is building up pressure and demand for activity and change. But, for now, i don't feel being able to handle it - kind of as there is no start line and direction to rush.

I catch myself often at thoughts of victim mentality. But probably that has build up for years as a habbit, not being recognized or assumed as the way things are.
And now full focus and awareness hit these thought schemes, as soon as they pop up. Also it turns out i need a lot of effort to leave and stay out of these mental loops.

Probably next stage will shake up things way more.

[pcrepair951]

Does anyone know exactly what subs are in stage 1 thank you ?????

[yoshilee]

Although having a daily look here it turned out somehow that i take a lot of time and energy for just myself.
So journaling felt down a lot in the sense of a priority list. Also my forum focus goes actual more for the version and tech development, instead of reading all the journaled stuff.

Meanwhile i am at the end of stage 5 and moving forward according to the instructions. For me the first run seems to be more an internal matter then an outside one. Although i was able to identify some resistances in between according to the FAQ stuff seems to go on.

Covering some externals first as far as i recognized...

I became calmer in crowdy places, a thing which was often an uncomfortable situation, also eye contacting made a good improvement that far. In general some people showed a more respectful attitude and also receiving female smiles increased.
But the biggest external point that far is a huge leap in my perception of others and situations. It´s sounds strange in some way, but it takes a tiny amount of time to pin down if somebody is behaving "beta", or playing a confident role.
Also the way situations are sensed (actual at my current job). It´s like watching what is going on, but with a look through that somehow reveals a lot of the intensions behind and the true aim and effort of the people.

On the other hand some body reactions came up. Blood pressure went up (no huge increase), a matter i never faced until now and sweating did increase. To make things sure i am through with all medical science fields, just to have every doc telling me everything is fine and no prominences at all.

I suppose a lot of this is due to my inner world stirred totally up, giving an overview right now.

That far the insights and clarity i gained for myself is just overwhelming. Not easy at all, as a lot of self-pitty, aggression and hate came up again and again forcing me to dig deeper and deeper to the core. But only identifying the source and realizing what has been triggered through it was a helping key to start leaving that behind.
Its like breaking up massive concrete, that was carefully build over decades. But its getting cracks day by day which brought me by now to a state of some sort of motivation to kick my ass wherever it is necessary to leave that behind.

Before the next runs (i plan at least two more by now) i probably kick in some months of USLM4 which hopefully will be out there by time. But as fear is hiding behind a lot of corners as well that sounds just so suitable to engage before returning to AM again.

So happy new year and take care!