The NGAF takes a huge spin the last few days. Its like nothing p[hase me, and this results in being cold. it goes as far as feeling like acting to convey some interest, like being fake in a way. Now, I do get attracted to highly feminine voices and the such, yet, as far as I am aware, its almost a lonely thing, and yet,m when I go full dark and alone in this world ( perhaps somewhat isolated, yet not in a state of hiding, but being fuly exposed ) its almost like no-one or anything bothers me at all anymore. Aloof being is one thing, showing no interest or whatever, by being to aloof, seems to be almost contraproductive and anti-social. Also, Im easily getting defensive in some situations. Like, having to proof something, or even showing some sort of interest/social skills display, but this as a result tend to put me in a tailspin.
I did somewhat responded in a cold manner when some guy was all trying to shame and bug me, I called him out on it, that he was being a try hard,. and the 2 leads I had, took my side.
Im slightly feeling confused, and yet, in the area of seduction ( which is just a 10th of the whole picture so to say ) Im finally get some impulses to pull the trigger like its some Obvious thing. Showing interest threw me in a headspin, like, showing interest causes the effect of being a easy catch. I feel I'm genuinly HTG, or, atleast, that seems to be my default state, till the point of being high value way up there.
Showing interest also is something to own, it can be interesting to master this skill, tgo find the fun and joy in it. Its just as soon as there is some sort of "bonding"taking place from her side, Im shutting down and get totally mute/silent. Shows how much I work through bodylanguage.
Strong IOIs at the gym, yet, what dzemoo once wrote "alpha's dont talk about women, they have women" I just feel self centred, self mastered and almost alone in a way, which makes understanding the transcendend part.
reason to run DMSi would be to be more playfull, more free in expression and the such. I sut want to bite the bullet because I like the girl. I simply dont chase at all, showing interest is one thing that brought me in PUA stuff, which messed me up. Im very aloof, simply killing it all off by communicating disinterest, yet when I think about interest showing and telling her she is cute and qualifying her, I feel simply needy.
Im fearfull fo where Im going and being lead as of now, by the sub, its there, yet some part of me holds onto old patterns, There is still a part of me that belioefs by being expressive, that I will lose everything and all. Also, scared of being hurt, rejected come up, like wtf. I can say I like her, yet expression feels beta to me at this point. I simply fall into blockage at the same time. depressive stuff.
I dont even know why Im so overwhelmed by what has happened, by those messages from hers, like, she goes out her way to message me, even if it is an half hour later, fickle, yet interesting, it does somewhat inspires me playfully. Why it overwhelms me in forms of flashbacks and messages playing of in my head idk. It feels somewhat new, like thinking back at that, like some inner part of me has been unlocked. Maybe its some sort of manifestation, i have no idea to begin with.
Another thing is, im somewhat afraid to hurt her ( flowed right out of my inner core ) am I in love or something? like, from what I begint o realize is, I have many beliefs going on about the interest thing, yet, this could be fear. Im starting to suspect she is just honestly and brutally upfront and loves it to hear, the romantic fantasy type. No offendedness, yet rather, more of a "aha, oke, I like it, I want you to confess" as if she gets turned on by that stuff. On the other hand, I seem to have no one-itis at all. Like, no submission or what not, no groveling.
Im hihky aware on the manipulation thing, Its a side thought of "it could be manipulation/orbitter harvesting" yet I am not orbitting.
I did somewhat responded in a cold manner when some guy was all trying to shame and bug me, I called him out on it, that he was being a try hard,. and the 2 leads I had, took my side.
Im slightly feeling confused, and yet, in the area of seduction ( which is just a 10th of the whole picture so to say ) Im finally get some impulses to pull the trigger like its some Obvious thing. Showing interest threw me in a headspin, like, showing interest causes the effect of being a easy catch. I feel I'm genuinly HTG, or, atleast, that seems to be my default state, till the point of being high value way up there.
Showing interest also is something to own, it can be interesting to master this skill, tgo find the fun and joy in it. Its just as soon as there is some sort of "bonding"taking place from her side, Im shutting down and get totally mute/silent. Shows how much I work through bodylanguage.
Strong IOIs at the gym, yet, what dzemoo once wrote "alpha's dont talk about women, they have women" I just feel self centred, self mastered and almost alone in a way, which makes understanding the transcendend part.
reason to run DMSi would be to be more playfull, more free in expression and the such. I sut want to bite the bullet because I like the girl. I simply dont chase at all, showing interest is one thing that brought me in PUA stuff, which messed me up. Im very aloof, simply killing it all off by communicating disinterest, yet when I think about interest showing and telling her she is cute and qualifying her, I feel simply needy.
Im fearfull fo where Im going and being lead as of now, by the sub, its there, yet some part of me holds onto old patterns, There is still a part of me that belioefs by being expressive, that I will lose everything and all. Also, scared of being hurt, rejected come up, like wtf. I can say I like her, yet expression feels beta to me at this point. I simply fall into blockage at the same time. depressive stuff.
I dont even know why Im so overwhelmed by what has happened, by those messages from hers, like, she goes out her way to message me, even if it is an half hour later, fickle, yet interesting, it does somewhat inspires me playfully. Why it overwhelms me in forms of flashbacks and messages playing of in my head idk. It feels somewhat new, like thinking back at that, like some inner part of me has been unlocked. Maybe its some sort of manifestation, i have no idea to begin with.
Another thing is, im somewhat afraid to hurt her ( flowed right out of my inner core ) am I in love or something? like, from what I begint o realize is, I have many beliefs going on about the interest thing, yet, this could be fear. Im starting to suspect she is just honestly and brutally upfront and loves it to hear, the romantic fantasy type. No offendedness, yet rather, more of a "aha, oke, I like it, I want you to confess" as if she gets turned on by that stuff. On the other hand, I seem to have no one-itis at all. Like, no submission or what not, no groveling.
Im hihky aware on the manipulation thing, Its a side thought of "it could be manipulation/orbitter harvesting" yet I am not orbitting.
The trials you encounter will introduce you to your strengths. - epictetus
