AM6 second coming

[Kol]

Tbh I have no clue whats going on Illumi. It does go way deeper and makes me encounter things HARD. first run seems to be more bringing me 'even' this round is going through the deep end. Agressive. Cold. Direct laser focus. Yet, even how hard things hit I wonder at how strong a round 3 would be. Multiple run throughs of AM are worthwhile.
Like, right now, im feeling elevated in many new areas and directions popping out making me a new man.

I can only say it is more ruthless, worth it and deep. Former run isnt even present in my mind at all.

[blackwing Z]

Hey man, all that zen shit messed me up too.

Everybody NEEDS a level of attachment to the outcome to not waste time. It's supposed to hurt when you fail, so that you can do it right next time.

This is why I don't like the meditation and just be okay with your situation bs. I see damn losers who should be hitting themselves in the head for how stupid they are, and take action to correct it. Society doesn't like that mentality though... at all... only in theory lmao

[Kol]

For me it was escapism with a trail of destruction as a result of it. Im coming to terms with it as a way of empowerment and acceptation now. AM is great.

--------

Im becoming alligned and congrugent with my subconscious through sinking into it, thus becoming a thriving force. The inspiration for many business ideas run freely and fully and I feel assured. First run it was more abstract and felt 'needed' it now is turning into self expressive self validation. GSF is clearly being cleaned up around. New targets are being dealt with. Also the thought of working with people and not for them. I have this innane hunger to capture the throne by simply taking over. Very intense as of now. I seriously want to call some people now to set up some appointments and stuff. Its very satisfying. Do what needs to be done, harmonious with auto pilot.

Had some strong resistance this evening which seems to pass. Its not fully cleared yet. Surrounding criticism while those people where game-less to start with. It still stirrs me up slightly like there is a lake of anger present. I didnt let myself experience it due some belief of 'dont show as it is being affected'. If shown or not, there is still an being affected! So why not immerse in the anger for a bit and feel it.

Writing makes me very present. I cant stay at home or start to get depressed and frustrated. I have a hunger for socializing. Its a vital part.

Woke up with a solid CEO sense of status and value towards myself. Still have it, diving into shark tank. At this point as it goes, business becomes more abundant and will be easy to start new ones. The confusion is lessening and clearing in this area. Its no longer so dissonant. Its more expressive. Frankly reading business material is more of a doubt creating like I know how what when and why and ai get allergic to it as if I force myself. My listemning and resonance is off the charts. Also, letting people close is somethign deep ingrained and I'm pretty sure where that comes from and what those walls originate from.

Time is no longer to be wasted. Not doing what needs to be done depresses me.

Life is good.
Time for coffee.

Writing down some goals to attain. All to only pass on. Im the first dime. My work can all be marketed. Why not raise this empire RIGHT NOW? Damn my mind is exploding.

[Kol]

last few days my procrastination in terms of calling out are surfacing and it makes me feel like shit, fearfull and simply feeling locked up. Its like a never ending cycle that is very hard to break, yet this shit only happens online. otherwise Im less holding back but still to much for much taste. its as if this innate fear of conflict has reared it head and keeps me in lock down. it pisses me up and fucking sucks to begin with. Now, the tables have been turned, people start to imitate me and it somewhat creep a part of me out, like some sort of movie kind of scenario with me on the spot. wtf. stuff makes me kind of depressed and spacy and just niot wanting to deal with anything, maybe its some compensation thing, an pushing myself to socialize, yet the fear is there that im becoming socially isolated again. fuck that. eventually webt moodty today at work, just not giving a crap at all about anyone, just being moody and somewhat negative.

Another is; the last couple of days I'm revisiting my childhood in full glory, reliving it and it somewhat feels awe-striking. Also, aliens.

Stage 4 isnt been bad tbh, looking forward to stage 5, yet the upcoming days are still valuable.

edit: mind on fire. my vision becomes more grandiose, tuning into currents of creativity itself and money current. breaching more walls and roofs. addictions are killed off, giving more room for budgetting and financial straightlining, the rest is snowball effect to order life fully out and even reel up further. from this point on im becoming an efforrtless flowing working machine.

reading material from warren buffett, peter lynch. stocks are very tempting like arriving at home. Im starting to realize how far up there I am in contrast to other people and how I create my reality and all in this. tapping and realizing the creator current, dominting life. its almost similar to chess in terms of strategy, insight and evolution. Im working on a whole different program. fear is being replaced with ferocity and enthousiasm and interest, its far more greater and exceeds. if there is fear, im flipping the script. adrenalize. Im very clear minded and sharp like a diamond. To be fair, this all comes so natural and easy now, that the jump is a simple flow result, and the breakthroughs taking place, the moment they take place, they are already viewed as some old stuff. Im thinking mentored level now, connections and aquintances. its becoming my playground.

[Kol]

Day 28

Quitted smoking since yesterday, lots seem to surface including some strong feeling of sadness and light elation feelings. Sexual department seems aswell being targeted as im at times very one track minded, easily aroused and shift into state with total absence of what could be there, yet rather more of an 'lets fuck, you know whats up' vibe, highly seductive sexual charged. Its almost like a movie lmao, very outcome independent and rather enjoying the process. I subcobsciously seal the deal by assuming succes as some sort of modus operandi sucking her right in my frame. Seducing animalistic sex is a great thing and im getting dominant pretty quickly. Last few days my mind fills with it pretty quick.

Other side i feel totally shitty and kind of pissy. Its like moodswings but almost 2 separated worlds. There are many areas in my life in aware off and it does atm feel like much, overwhelmed, lost and slightly directionless. I want to get shit done and yet I still procrastinate like some seprated entity interfering. Makes sense as to how the sub works for me at times.

[Kol]

Since last night my body feels completely charged. Its like a electric current and surge flooding through my body with my root chackra being very active. It comes with lots of confusion and even feelings of feeling completely weird. I have no clue what this means or what it is, only that it sets things off balance and split. Sleep is also more turbulent and chaotic. Sexual activity is pretty much ramped up with hard ons as a result. I really am done thinking about it and really just want to do its thing. It seems to be having some roots of fears but I feel very much confused of who I am.
Highly sensitive in stimuli and in the seduction atea. As soon as I feel a spark of interest everything floods over till the point of slight nausea and male dominant agression aswell as nsfm kind of thought tracks with perfect execution.

I also have fullblown flashbacks and memory revisiting. Im quickly collecting my childhood in full experience effect, euphoria and awe. Reliving it and getting in touch with my emotions.

I feel slightly dissapointed in myself like I can do better, more and be even higher thriving. Sore spot currently. Touching this spot as I speak.

More annoyed with scarcity propaganda of people like its fucking stupid to hear abput it and dont want to hear about their oblivious pushing of the cycle. Disonnect.

Let no women be at your level.

I have no fucking clue what is happening, nor any opinion or whatsoever about it or even what and how I feel about this.

I feel charged as fuck in my root area. Wtf. Im so confused and riled up right now its not even funny. Dissociated even in some way like it all feels unreal.

Visions popping up of having multiple places around the world. Shore houses, wellnesscentres. Yet at the same time Im more minimalistic. Did I want lots of clothes before. Now its functional. Its not excluding eachother. Its a shift in my mindset. Abundance. So I might've have multiple businesses and having this empire, also I might aswell live minimalistic. Its mindset, mission and vision in my case. Riding the creative currents of being a creator and living as the architect.

Also, dont be so G*DDAMN TENSE. Its all well in this. Relief. Breakthrough once again.

[Kol]

Otherwise then that war and declaration of war and embracing war makes the masculine spirit thrive there is not much to write other then that Im almost at the end of the current stage. War is a theme now and elevates me higher, the loss of fear to conflict sets the masculine spirit free. embrace death, embrace it all.

This also ties in with my sudden interest in tactics, the 33 strategies of war and other military like stuff that is appliable in my work and life. There are things that come natural and not all is found in books. sometimes, books are even more of a way to create confusion in my casde, like seduction. A pure fall on my own skills, abundance, confidence and knowing, an inward journey it is. Im doing really good and praise myself in this self validation towards myself. I remember reading the 33 strategies of war by Robert Green and that I did read it to a extent but it clicks way more deeper now. The realisation of life is war and masculine spirit thriving and the concept of anger and the Nietzsche quote of being warlike by nature is something really deep. Exciting and ecstatic at this point.

Im making myself the project. I experience disconnections and playground expansion. A natural detachment of clarity and understanding in spirit and core. No longer so attached and invested but more of a strategist. Im also a lover in that manner, a passionate one. I see how many elements such as the thrill and slight fear can create something ecstatic. Im trusting in my skill and experience. Its an art to me.

I scored high on narcissism and machiavelian today with some test, it brings me back in the rebeliousness of myself and the question all believe none arena. Like Im stubborn and disruptive of the quo, and using it to my advantage and sometimes having a more reckless and non caring spirit, unhindred by all and anything, rather more pure self indulgent, reckless, antisocial and mischivious. Good bedroom stuff.

Confusion and strong emotional feelings are stirring up, its like a fog occupying my mind and am reading the way of the superior man by David Deida. Im again anew, and my goal is to move towards a bigger city and the expand my externals and world. Living instead of reading so much and trusting myself more. There is pain underneath these avoidances which makes me suddenly want to fall down in awe and cry over this loss thats underneath it, supported by moonlight sonata.

Im integrating choices of subs including AM. AM is the choice amongst other subs. Running it and yet extention. This realisation cleans up fear. Also thrilled for DMSI as a follow up. All subs are, are extentions of myself and investment in this. Now im starting to uncover why I spend much time on the forums amongst other things. Wherever the changes bring me, they will. Wherever I focus, energy flows. I start to uncover reasons actions and choices and what it drives me. Clueless but feeling good. Im coming to terms with fear clearing.

[Kol]

My inner being feels like mourning. coming at the end of stage 4 and last few days did also cover the temporaryness of things, causing me to spiral in pretty dark places. also, sudden views popping up involving cuelty. wtf man, not my cruelty, but knowng how humans can be deathly to other creatures, like the dog today and how its tiny and doing one gesture can end in RIP. It made me doubt my senses at times aswell as myself, yet come to terms with self doubts and how these sabotage continuous will and momentum. some deep stuff that is even though when writing about.

On the other hand, even with these states, people open me aswell, the girl with the femme fatale eyes shows mixed up signals, while before she was pretty closed off. now its the occasional glances, body placements next to me, gravitation. encountering myself hard aswell, as to how I still seem to have inner blockings around pulling the trigger, making me depressed, sad and feeling like shit aswell as totally mindfoggy. I want women to become irresitably uncomposed throwing themselves at me lmao. why, idk, i feel like it. its all brutal atm, confusion and hardshhip.

Uncovered some roots around sex rootedn into insecurities and beliefs tied to value. It makes sense.

Notice fear in the breaking of the friends currently. I have massive potential for growth and there is liberation and freedom in it to have choice and not being 'dominated' by fear of losing. There is only transition and shifts. Become self absorbed and centred. I would say; human, even. To take care of myself in all ways first and foremost. I simply want to let AM run deeper from now on. SM3 and DMSI would help me grow further aswell.

When I feel pessimistic its fine. Being true and honest to myself virtue.

[Kol]

STAGE 5 OFFICIALLY STARTED

[Kol]

Self validated and dont care.
Relationships being normal triggers some nice feelings in me. Hopefull.
Back to the gym including supplements.
Feeling I'm becoming ice cold hitmen and something ruthless is within ready to unlock.
Coming to terms with some deep stuff. Think there is one root at it all, upbring stuff and overbearing parents. Every dependence feels like being stuck.
Im feeling freaking sexy. My own pictures of myself send a buzz through my body
Sexually im like a hail shot indiscriminately and pure sexual
Books like robert greenes 48 laws of power and 33 strategies of war are like escapism to me. I cant bring myself to read it or Ill get bored quickly and reading over it quickly. It all feels so meaningless.
This guy at work kept talking. Pretty much straight forward. Spoke brutally honest to him, setted frame, he crumbled directly before my eyes as if a jolt hit him
Not wanting to do anything is the right thing now. Some eeep healing demands time.
Planning to go out
Surrounding with higher purpose driven people tho even if it is somewhat dependence its all reference.

Gonna smoke IDGAF want to bang a girl right now

[Kol]

Am looking in some more clothingstyles including denim jackets, leather jackets and accesories. In ways Im not caring about women at all and turn ice cold, feeling masculinity and centredness oozing from me. Been getting more glances yet encounter still some jelousy spikes randomly popping in my head. Probably some flashback things and clearing.

My dreams become more sexual. Have some longing last few days and different scenarios around sex, closure yet reading about sex send my body in a strong intense sexual state, very intense at times without getting hard yet fully immersing in some dream like state.

I do feel Im getting close to something, authentic and disconnection from anything, societal structures, internal beliefs I was raised from and stuff picked up along the way. Im also getting some passion back, anger and short fuse. Im also fearless in pegging women a step down and showing dominance. Not out of fear, rather out of...idk? Cant pinpoint exactly how to call it.

Getting uninhibited fast around sex. Had some conversation yesterday with another guy who claims to do direct game. Made me bring up the times I went very direct in my game and strong, to strong.

Taking stuff less personal yet notice subtle communication from women in terms of turning down betas. Taking things less personal, feeling relief when thinking back at the interactions with women. Laughing and mocking it, they could be just horney. Pretty big shift.

Anger turns up, jelousy(?) Resentment.
Getting ruthless as of late and disinhibited more and more. More ice cold and disconnecting which I like yet am indifferent about simultaneously.

Drive to journalling is low. It seem to hold me back coming on here. I want to thrive, go out and be killing it. Books dont do much for me this stage. Remembering what sickologist wrote as I been reading his journal along with dzemoo's, that experience is what matters. Trial, error, ruthless experience through the flames.

Seeking more conflict aswell. Want to stirr up conflicts and seek the challenge. Warlike spirit. Seems something I did experience my first run. IDGAF what anyone thinks about this or whatever. Total polarisation and adversial tendencies.

[Kol]

Day 4

Tiredness hitting me like a truck. Im starting to get more overt. This tiredness seems to be some grieving over my inner child yet upgrading me radically and people sense it. When I got in the car this blond women eye fucked me from afar and now Im feeling lonely. Its like a 'everything is going to be alright' kind of nurturing tiredness and sad feeling.

Im waking up way early which is good. Also consider myself a artist and a teacher. Also forgetting all that seems unhealthy in terns of nutrition which is welcomed.

Keyword; RAMBO IN THE JUNGLE WITH A CUTTING BLADE.

[Kol]

Day 6

Slowly getting more centred yet incredibly exhausted.
Style, adventure, trips and depth of life return slowly. Like, an honest sense of what I want. Depth of life and experiences came like a vision to me. There are really no limits to this. It also makes me put in perspective my experiences with substances which seem to indicate healing, acceptance. Hang ups show in your vibe probably strongly. Im really down for threesomes and sexual lifestyle atm in a low key fashion instead of all mirroring to others like that. Rather finding my own way.

Been listening to a goldmund unleashed interview before I went out yesterday. Had a few drinks and now Im facing myself hard. Went pretty blunt with sexual innuendos yesterday.

It comes down to skill + game+business+ inspiration+ individuality to me. Being almost like un the shadows and having a mysterious vibe. Also what seem to irk me with the 48 laws is myself being honest. Its refreshing to have it all coming from the internal and experience it like a trip.

Ruining shit as opposed to nice preservance of the social setting. Currently feeling set back, very tired, just back from the gym. Had some butt display going on from a girl I was eying yet to depressed/down/tired to do anything. Im really missing my edge in these times.

The style Im gravitating is whats called "rake" also outlandish dressing in subtle and outstanding ways. Im really defining myself as of late and able to compose my experiences in this. Also having thoughts tracing back from my former living place and the experiences I had there, being introduced with people and hooking up with new contacts. When in a new place its a new life, starting from scratch. Really tired to face all of this atm as it stirrs up conflict in me as some clash of beliefs. My image is clear as to where I want to be. When shit hits the dan its like a sliding back into some other state as if Im driwning into it bordering on amnesia to my old skills, only to figure this as temporary.

Business, adventure, travel, new prospects, fontacts aquintances. Another travel of the soul. Story telling is a great tool in the bewilderness and amplifies.

Im just so fed up with being stuck. Honestly feeling limiting of potential. I want to roam and fly already. Living fly and living nature. Ayahuasca has my attention. Will make some great stories and books.

My business mindset is ablaze aswell. Did read of the realchristianmcqueen forums yesterday and it sparked me and setted me off in a great way. Thus Im going to read rich dad poor dad. Im feeling like a fucking shaman. Liberation.

The buttdisplay at the gym was very profound display. Watched the show a bit yet feeling way to passive in that, feeling incredibly down. Normally something more primal is triggerd in me as a response to such things like a invitation and opener. Being way to silent for my taste. In ways I do feel magnetic like some danger involved in it triggering curiosity.

Not bad overal. Im really getting in touch with traits of myself. More introverse traits in the feeling area while on the other hand im really cold as fuck. My more mystic side is kicking it in, dreamweaving stuff.

Oh well. Results is what matter for me. Im considering going rake cowboy like outlandish style and fashion. Fashion amd style are not the same to me. Each thought triggering another state. Its a confusing thing. Like, thinking sex can suddenly swing me all the way over like a out of control beast. Another would be badboy leather jacket accesories and denim. Its a all or nothing thing and feeling not fully familiar with it at all which can get pretty unsettling at times. Could be decisiveness, trauma, dissociation/disconnection, ungroundedness idk. I just want to sleep and honestly, Im feeling depressed.

Also, lock down places, chat up with bartenders and the stuff yet keep on fly

Edit1: Its pretty huge to be present feel and enjoy the scenary, radical self acceptation of vibe.

Thats all gents.

[Kol]

Nothing can stop me feeling. Traveling to new cities is something to do and enjoy. Im feeling on top if the world. Everything is coming together. My Myers brigg test says ESTP-A but for me im still having introverted tendencies. Social gatherings tend to amplify me but am very introspective aswell.

The blog of Goldmund is gold and will purchase his books. Im pretty low key nowadays yet in the field opening is easy when having momentum going on which seems now to be touched upon. I tend to want to get it ceazier and crazier each moment when having the taste.

What does solidify is the 10 mindset in myself. Im already attractive yet tebd to have the habit to overcompensate and 'prove it'. When I relax I feel the magnetism and inevitability of being sexual attractive. Mind at times fills with this magnetism and this fearless pure sexuality. Part of me tend to not believe it yet I guess, thus striving to something already being a reality. Confidence? Self esteem? A taste of free in approach and veing approached. Its a radical other base. I still gravitate to stone cold unshakable and mystery instead of the more connective and adventurous side. The one track mind.

Its getting very clear to me. Tweaking a bit but taking life in all its mystery as it comes in a attitude of whats coming next. Maybe its somewhat beta, Idc, its worth exploring and getting in touch with some feelings. I do feel arriving at home. Also, results. Not so much mental masturbation anymore. I want to live. To thrive. Explore.

My teasing is returning after a long time. I might've write books about this all yet when releasing books its one sell. People buy it and thats that. Now I do have a barrage of continuous ideas I can easily flourish into an emperium but I do strongly belief I have a strong trail to work with. The rest follows up such as connection and know exactly how.

Idealisticly you want to have a product that is not just sell - buy - end but rather something of a service, not teally able to put in words yet I get it. To keep your customers. Great inspiration to build a customer base aswell. Its all evolving and blooming. Its exactly THIS that gives me inspiration.

Keep being exposed to new people over and over. Run game. Enjoy life. Spread out. Keep getting new references. Abundance is all there is.