07-01-2014, 03:26 AM
(This post was last modified: 07-01-2014, 03:37 AM by JackOfHearts.)
Stage 3 Day 23 :
I'm searching for a job where I can express myself fully. The big hurdle I'm facing right now is to find a job that is honest, joyful and that is capable of providing me good social experiences. A job where I still have time to think. I'm thinking I'll work for a part time job so I can experience my own things and I would still have a touch in the working community.
I may still going for a 5 years study in a linguistic or psychologie school if I like this and it's moving me forward.
The procrastination I was facing yesterday is gone, I'm back on track with my happiness even if the morning was a bit hard to overcome. I woke up late thanks to my brother and my high enthusiasm when I should focus on sleeping. My happiness and my drive to improve myself was too high .
I'm exploring my neighborhood and the university next to my home. It's kinda fun to study people behavior, the architecture, etc. I'm discovering a lot of stuff around me and I'm experiencing myself.
I do that because I don't do that very often and I think it's very important for me. Sometimes I think I'm so in my computer and using my car instead of walking that I'm learning again to walk the proper way. Obviously AM help with that. It's simple stuff but in this society we tend to forget this. I'm back to simple baby step and I love it .
One of my current goal is to be honest more and more. I'm doing that because the more honest I am without too much craziness the better I will be. It's a selfish thing, I'm not doing that for helping people. Just because I want it. I'm ready to face my weaknesses and reveal a lot of stuff I have been hiding :@.
One of them is stupid like most of them I think. People tend to create an image of me and then It's hard to destroy this image because sometimes it becomes you. My virginity is hard to face because most people think I had sex with different girls due to my confidence. And in fact I should have had sex but I was in one this religious reality where sex happen after the marriage. My « perfectionism » didn't help in that department, I was dreaming of perfect girls and I have rarely done something because my goal was really high. It's not all good, its not all bad. I have refuse sex to some girls in the past, it was obvious I could bed them but I wasn't interested. Even some of my close friend believe I had sex. It's hard to see through me for the average guy or girl. I'm such a wall to them. One of my teacher even said to me once I'm like God (the christian one) because no one know what I really want or think. But this teacher really su** anyway. I have high standard in a country where most people have none and most people who have some are weirdo. I'm not trying to be pessimistic, it's just obvious fact. I'm not giving up hope to find people like me here. Maybe some of my internal fear prevent me to meet people like me but I doubt it's all because of me. WM2 will help me improve my communication skill hopefully .
Update : - I forgot to mention that AM really help me being honest while walking in the university. I didn't hide the fact that I didn't know anything about the place. I didn't behave like I know where everything was, I wasn't hiding that I was new here. Again it's simple stuff about being natural.
- I dream about sexual stuff last night, I wake up "wet".
I'm searching for a job where I can express myself fully. The big hurdle I'm facing right now is to find a job that is honest, joyful and that is capable of providing me good social experiences. A job where I still have time to think. I'm thinking I'll work for a part time job so I can experience my own things and I would still have a touch in the working community.
I may still going for a 5 years study in a linguistic or psychologie school if I like this and it's moving me forward.
The procrastination I was facing yesterday is gone, I'm back on track with my happiness even if the morning was a bit hard to overcome. I woke up late thanks to my brother and my high enthusiasm when I should focus on sleeping. My happiness and my drive to improve myself was too high .
I'm exploring my neighborhood and the university next to my home. It's kinda fun to study people behavior, the architecture, etc. I'm discovering a lot of stuff around me and I'm experiencing myself.
I do that because I don't do that very often and I think it's very important for me. Sometimes I think I'm so in my computer and using my car instead of walking that I'm learning again to walk the proper way. Obviously AM help with that. It's simple stuff but in this society we tend to forget this. I'm back to simple baby step and I love it .
One of my current goal is to be honest more and more. I'm doing that because the more honest I am without too much craziness the better I will be. It's a selfish thing, I'm not doing that for helping people. Just because I want it. I'm ready to face my weaknesses and reveal a lot of stuff I have been hiding :@.
One of them is stupid like most of them I think. People tend to create an image of me and then It's hard to destroy this image because sometimes it becomes you. My virginity is hard to face because most people think I had sex with different girls due to my confidence. And in fact I should have had sex but I was in one this religious reality where sex happen after the marriage. My « perfectionism » didn't help in that department, I was dreaming of perfect girls and I have rarely done something because my goal was really high. It's not all good, its not all bad. I have refuse sex to some girls in the past, it was obvious I could bed them but I wasn't interested. Even some of my close friend believe I had sex. It's hard to see through me for the average guy or girl. I'm such a wall to them. One of my teacher even said to me once I'm like God (the christian one) because no one know what I really want or think. But this teacher really su** anyway. I have high standard in a country where most people have none and most people who have some are weirdo. I'm not trying to be pessimistic, it's just obvious fact. I'm not giving up hope to find people like me here. Maybe some of my internal fear prevent me to meet people like me but I doubt it's all because of me. WM2 will help me improve my communication skill hopefully .
Update : - I forgot to mention that AM really help me being honest while walking in the university. I didn't hide the fact that I didn't know anything about the place. I didn't behave like I know where everything was, I wasn't hiding that I was new here. Again it's simple stuff about being natural.
- I dream about sexual stuff last night, I wake up "wet".