10-29-2015, 03:28 AM
Stage 3 day 13
I feel like a lot of inside blocks are being deal with. This past weeks and since the beginner of this stage I had dreams very shocking. I died a lot, I had deep fear dream about snake, I raped a woman, of sort of stuff, yet when I was dreaming I was feeling neutral about the experience. I think I had a fear about being afraid of raping a woman, it wouldn't surprise me if I had that if you consider the number of times I heard people complaining about the number of women raped by men.
During my days I was feeling very relax like I was more free, free to walk without any care or problem, like you are in contact with the world around, you feel good just by looking at the sky or remembering a good event you had in your life. I felt at peace, at peace being alone walking, smiling when I talked to people when I see someone face.
Sometimes I would be very frustrated about how my life is, I would ask myself question like why I'm doing this, why I'm still attached to this girl or basic question. It doesn't last long though.
Stage 3 Day 16
I think I saw what the manifestation stuff do in my life. The other day I was looking for something to improve my knowledge about which girl to look for, what type of girls I would really enjoy. And just like that I fall upon something Shannon wrote about different types of girls. It's like I'm redefining what is attractive to me. And it's not really based on “looks” or by how attractive she is perceived by society. I had glimpse of that before certainly due to my previous AM run. It's not that easy to see/understand for someone used to define beauty/hot like the media told us to do. It's also deeply related to how you feel when you see a girl face/body. It's more if her curves, the way her face look is something that will make you feel happy. I agree on what Shannon wrote about girls having more tissue (not necessarily fat/obese) on their bones are more what I really look for in a girl. It's also what I believe to be true, to me look/appearance define character/personality. But it's not that simple, and it's one reason a lot of guys here doesn't agree with what he said, mainly because he didn't have time to write a book about it. Besides the fact that a girl with more curve is a good factor, there are a lot of others factor too. One I like to look for is how her eyebrow are curved? How far there are from her eyes. I like eyebrow shape like the moon (round)vs shaped harshly like crazy (not round).
http://www.thesheekchic.com/wp-content/u...62x300.png
Things to avoid:
https://cutelypoisoned.files.wordpress.c...nibrow.jpg
Only problem is that a lot of girls change their eyebrow shape and it's for a good reason. But they can't hide everything. The teeth are also something to look at, in the last picture you see the space between each tooth and it's not something good when I see that.
The nose is something really interesting also, with that I think you can grasp the maturity.
Guess who is immature on that picture:
https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ih0LqNAKYaY/hqdefault.jpg
I have a friend who have a history of attracting really beautiful girls in his life. What some people would call a natural, a womanizer. Problem is that he never really enjoyed his relationship, most of them were really short, the longest was 6 month and he had a lot of girls, a lot. So it's really strange that he never had a long term relation with any girl considering how good he is with girls or seems to be. And you know what I noticed with him? He really likes skinny girl, I was joking about it with him 2 weeks ago when he told me this girl is really attractive but I told him she is too skinny so unattractive to me. He also told me that he doesn't understand why he attracts the same kind of girls, the kind he doesn't want anymore. So he likes skinny girls, exactly like in models magazine, really skinny. Men are flooded with skinny girl advertised as pretty from the different media, it's not wonder we find them attractive when in fact they are not. We have been scammed. Our brain are wired to look for the best woman. It seems our radar have been manipulated to look for the wrong type of girls. Girls that aren't meant for a relationship.
The posts I really liked by Shannon that I read this week:
http://subliminal-talk.com/thread-5835-p...l#pid81794
http://subliminal-talk.com/thread-6087-p...l#pid87393
Stage 3 day 17:
I feel much more tired from this stage, if I compare to stage 2 it was much more easy to handle. When I wake up now I feel the heaviness in my head. Sometimes I have more glimpse of my dream, and I feel like I'm somewhere else, I can't focus as effectively, it's like there is too many thought in my head. If I remember correctly my tinnitus became much worse during the last part of AM6 and I feel like it's coming back. I feel more sensitive to sound now and tired just from writing some stuff on Internet, though I wrote a lot of stuff but I don't feel like it's a lot. I hope it's just temporary, I'm not really productive in that state. It's killing me that I can't do more, I feel like I'm lazy for being so weak physically. I'm wondering how can some guys here do 21hours per day when I feel like 8hours is already a lot. I used to work in IT, back in time I would work on my computer for at least 12 hours a days, reading then coding then following some course. Sometimes I would work on a website for hours without even living my chair once. It seems hard to some people but for me it was easy to do like I was born to do that.
I'm just complaining here but it's feel good to say that. It's like I need external validation, I need recognition that I work hard just so people know I'm not a lazy guy. Also there is this part of my personality that when I start something I like I can't stop doing it. Like when I start doing some astrology reading I can't stop even when I'm tired. I think deep inside I feel good when I do something useful and it's like I need external validation for my good work. It's the same when I get lazy, when I get lazy it's hard to get out of it. I think you can see that with the Sub I choose to do. I began with the AM sub and I'm still doing that one, it's the hard core stuff, I'm on the 3rd run, “ yeah I can do it” how pathetic. When I begin something I have a hard time to get out of it. This has some useful side as you can see. But it's not really an healthy behavior. But it can be really useful, spending a day alone at home reading things or coding stuff without any need to stop isn't something everyone can do.
About the external validation I think I'm not alone here, on some journal there seems to be some pattern close to mine but I'm not sure if it's the same. The pattern is simple: doing everything you can so people recognize your hard work, you basically overwork yourself in every direction, you study every subject you can, you learn every book, every subject so that you feel validated as someone smart.
I used to be very much like that and I'm still like that to some extent.
I think one of the thing I hate the most is when someone tell me that I'm lazy. It's like a lot of people doesn't see the hard work I do. Everyone assume I'm just a lazy asshole because they always see me enjoying myself. It's like all the knowledge I have is hidden and no one see it.
I feel like a lot of inside blocks are being deal with. This past weeks and since the beginner of this stage I had dreams very shocking. I died a lot, I had deep fear dream about snake, I raped a woman, of sort of stuff, yet when I was dreaming I was feeling neutral about the experience. I think I had a fear about being afraid of raping a woman, it wouldn't surprise me if I had that if you consider the number of times I heard people complaining about the number of women raped by men.
During my days I was feeling very relax like I was more free, free to walk without any care or problem, like you are in contact with the world around, you feel good just by looking at the sky or remembering a good event you had in your life. I felt at peace, at peace being alone walking, smiling when I talked to people when I see someone face.
Sometimes I would be very frustrated about how my life is, I would ask myself question like why I'm doing this, why I'm still attached to this girl or basic question. It doesn't last long though.
Stage 3 Day 16
I think I saw what the manifestation stuff do in my life. The other day I was looking for something to improve my knowledge about which girl to look for, what type of girls I would really enjoy. And just like that I fall upon something Shannon wrote about different types of girls. It's like I'm redefining what is attractive to me. And it's not really based on “looks” or by how attractive she is perceived by society. I had glimpse of that before certainly due to my previous AM run. It's not that easy to see/understand for someone used to define beauty/hot like the media told us to do. It's also deeply related to how you feel when you see a girl face/body. It's more if her curves, the way her face look is something that will make you feel happy. I agree on what Shannon wrote about girls having more tissue (not necessarily fat/obese) on their bones are more what I really look for in a girl. It's also what I believe to be true, to me look/appearance define character/personality. But it's not that simple, and it's one reason a lot of guys here doesn't agree with what he said, mainly because he didn't have time to write a book about it. Besides the fact that a girl with more curve is a good factor, there are a lot of others factor too. One I like to look for is how her eyebrow are curved? How far there are from her eyes. I like eyebrow shape like the moon (round)vs shaped harshly like crazy (not round).
http://www.thesheekchic.com/wp-content/u...62x300.png
Things to avoid:
https://cutelypoisoned.files.wordpress.c...nibrow.jpg
Only problem is that a lot of girls change their eyebrow shape and it's for a good reason. But they can't hide everything. The teeth are also something to look at, in the last picture you see the space between each tooth and it's not something good when I see that.
The nose is something really interesting also, with that I think you can grasp the maturity.
Guess who is immature on that picture:
https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ih0LqNAKYaY/hqdefault.jpg
I have a friend who have a history of attracting really beautiful girls in his life. What some people would call a natural, a womanizer. Problem is that he never really enjoyed his relationship, most of them were really short, the longest was 6 month and he had a lot of girls, a lot. So it's really strange that he never had a long term relation with any girl considering how good he is with girls or seems to be. And you know what I noticed with him? He really likes skinny girl, I was joking about it with him 2 weeks ago when he told me this girl is really attractive but I told him she is too skinny so unattractive to me. He also told me that he doesn't understand why he attracts the same kind of girls, the kind he doesn't want anymore. So he likes skinny girls, exactly like in models magazine, really skinny. Men are flooded with skinny girl advertised as pretty from the different media, it's not wonder we find them attractive when in fact they are not. We have been scammed. Our brain are wired to look for the best woman. It seems our radar have been manipulated to look for the wrong type of girls. Girls that aren't meant for a relationship.
The posts I really liked by Shannon that I read this week:
http://subliminal-talk.com/thread-5835-p...l#pid81794
http://subliminal-talk.com/thread-6087-p...l#pid87393
Stage 3 day 17:
I feel much more tired from this stage, if I compare to stage 2 it was much more easy to handle. When I wake up now I feel the heaviness in my head. Sometimes I have more glimpse of my dream, and I feel like I'm somewhere else, I can't focus as effectively, it's like there is too many thought in my head. If I remember correctly my tinnitus became much worse during the last part of AM6 and I feel like it's coming back. I feel more sensitive to sound now and tired just from writing some stuff on Internet, though I wrote a lot of stuff but I don't feel like it's a lot. I hope it's just temporary, I'm not really productive in that state. It's killing me that I can't do more, I feel like I'm lazy for being so weak physically. I'm wondering how can some guys here do 21hours per day when I feel like 8hours is already a lot. I used to work in IT, back in time I would work on my computer for at least 12 hours a days, reading then coding then following some course. Sometimes I would work on a website for hours without even living my chair once. It seems hard to some people but for me it was easy to do like I was born to do that.
I'm just complaining here but it's feel good to say that. It's like I need external validation, I need recognition that I work hard just so people know I'm not a lazy guy. Also there is this part of my personality that when I start something I like I can't stop doing it. Like when I start doing some astrology reading I can't stop even when I'm tired. I think deep inside I feel good when I do something useful and it's like I need external validation for my good work. It's the same when I get lazy, when I get lazy it's hard to get out of it. I think you can see that with the Sub I choose to do. I began with the AM sub and I'm still doing that one, it's the hard core stuff, I'm on the 3rd run, “ yeah I can do it” how pathetic. When I begin something I have a hard time to get out of it. This has some useful side as you can see. But it's not really an healthy behavior. But it can be really useful, spending a day alone at home reading things or coding stuff without any need to stop isn't something everyone can do.
About the external validation I think I'm not alone here, on some journal there seems to be some pattern close to mine but I'm not sure if it's the same. The pattern is simple: doing everything you can so people recognize your hard work, you basically overwork yourself in every direction, you study every subject you can, you learn every book, every subject so that you feel validated as someone smart.
I used to be very much like that and I'm still like that to some extent.
I think one of the thing I hate the most is when someone tell me that I'm lazy. It's like a lot of people doesn't see the hard work I do. Everyone assume I'm just a lazy asshole because they always see me enjoying myself. It's like all the knowledge I have is hidden and no one see it.
