AM6 Run-3

[tolgaocal80]

Hi guys  

I am thinking at least 3 weeks what would be my next run so I was thinking OF 5.75G would be awesome. I can see that from other journals, it is digging very deep of subc.

But the recent things made me think that I needed to be more independent, more emotionally strong person who could stand on their feet.

I feel stronger to move out to my
house, but the problem is I don't have a job to earn money.

I thought about using OF, but I wouldn't take its probable emotional surge.
So thanks for everyone who gave me thoughts about running OF or AM
I really appriciated any of advices and comments. here I can share all things about my life without shame or anything.
I again will go for a AM run, this time my main thing is finding a job (this year university lessons are online) and saving money.

Run 3.

stage 1 day 2
Ocean Surf 14.4 hours with 8 hours on speaker and 6.4 hours with headset. Generally medium or high volume as I can bear.

[Aventus45]

Glad to see you on the AM6 train again, can’t wait to see your journey.

[tolgaocal80]

thanks Aventus, I am also curious about this run. The last one really made big and usefull emotional and physical changes.

I read your last post:

Damn turning 23, and I had a great time bonding deeper with friends. The biggest test so far if the alpha male programming and everything I have been working on happened in the evening.

I went out to get dinner with the person who trigged a ton of obsessive thoughts and was partly why I was going through hell for most of the stage. When I saw her and throughout the whole conversation, none of the obsessive thoughts surfaced , none of the neediness, and I was able to have a great time with none of that coming up. This shits real, it’s mind blowing, I’m in shock. It took me to the end of the dinner and she left that I realized the magnitude of the change.

I know this feeling bro its just amazing, emotional power, it makes you think that nothing can broke you down it is true too. if AM6 would been fully accepted by us, it is certainly true.

[tolgaocal80]

stage 1 day 20

for a couple of weeks I was trying to find a way develop my will-power. I found a book from Jules Payot named "The education of the will". I bought it last week I guess and studying it. After first read I conclude that it contains very usefull and basics concepts about that topic, I will report more about my studies of this book later, when I see myself growing.

The first thing I noticed in this run; stage 1 is felt like run -2's stage 4. This feeling "I gotta do something to improve my life" felt itself as early as stage 1. I remember this from last runs stage 4.

Dreams are about I am saving people from bad stuations that could made them dead or I am stopping people from hurting other people. not intense dreams but every day or one another.

The idea of "working as possible as could be for making my dreams come true" is a thing I think about it for a long time.
There are things that stopping me from doing this or, I was making this excuse such that I believed this.
What would happen if I work as I want every day, every free time I got? I want to explore that idea.

A simple exercise for me:
wake up at 6 am every day.

[tolgaocal80]

stage 1 day 27

I listened 4 loops of US today and after aobut 5 minutes , my head warmed slightly, for 1-2 hours I felt some kind of focus.
and I see it is very practical this way, but Idk really if this will made some headaches but will use 1-2 loops everday for extra listening time.


So far, last day or another, while doing meditation, I go for my memories to find out what is causing me stop from doing things what I want to do ,except procastination and laziness, and I came up with a really important
idea:
In a memory I lived, I realized that I had improsined myself in that moment. This moment required me to protect myself constantly, so I could never leave this memory.
The child in me refused to deal with me because every new move he made would take him away from that memory and make him vulnerable to danger of pyhsical beating.

Of course, I cannot change my memory "physically", but I realized that I could help that child with a somewhat intense emotional mind. Since the past is only in my mind, I can relive that moment with my thoughts and protect that child with my present body and strength.
In this way, I recreated the moment, and this time I was with him at that time. it might sound silly, but I can say that I really calmed down after feeling that moment again.
It was a weird thought and emotional experience, it was the first time I did it.

Generally I was feeling this kind of emotions when on stage 2 or upper.

a few days from stage 2.

[tolgaocal80]

stage 2 day 1

6 loops masked(2 loops headphones)- 6 loops us (16 hours total).

Hi,

with AM I never tried US before and as it seems to me it is working fine now after 2 runs of masked.
with this usage now I am able to listen 16 hours.

Shannon is working unstopped, I really admire him in that way,
this "ability to dedicate mind an important mission, a lifestyle" must be added some subs.

I mean it is not about the laser focus, it is a do or die deal. you must live for that idea, like virgin nuns? or zen monks?.
Every thing you do must be about that your final goal, like the stoics who are aiming to be wise.
BAMM will be able to work fully with that idea, you know do the thing whatever it takes,

[tolgaocal80]

stage 2 day 9

I am able to work with passion, not yet there where I want but I am working well,
I know resistance and procastination will try to stop and stagnate me but, these things are not stopping me anymore.

the book I talked about a few post earlier, it is helped me but I need more readings of it, because it is like reprogramming your brain, repetetion is the key here.

for now, I didn't notice nightmares, I remember that last dream was like there were 2 of James Bond(Daniel Craig) and one of them was layng on a hospital bed, not because of illness, one of them wasn't real agent, so they were trying to acquit themselves. strange dream indeed,


*More and more realizations about life, like how it is short or worthy. How much our fear and rudeness are unnecessary.
*All of my concerns towards people around me are fading,
*Last week, I go for a ride with my friends and the first time, I accept them completely, no secret agenda was there. Just enjoy the time, this feeling was so new for me, I wasn't judging my friends for the first time.

[tolgaocal80]

2 days ago had been a earthquake in a near city, 70 people died and counting on,
I know something, I may die like that.
These people wouldn't think that they will die that day, but they died.

here, I find something on reddit Stoicism page, a life calendar set to 80 years. every gap is a week, and you can see how much time you wasted as I do.
Memento mori; it means "remember death".

https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/commen..._comments/

I choosed the 80 years one

[fab10]

2 days ago had been a earthquake in a near city, 70 people died and counting on,
I know something, I may die like that.
These people wouldn't think that they will die that day, but they died.

here, I find something on reddit Stoicism page, a life calendar set to 80 years. every gap is a week, and you can see how much time you wasted as I do.
Memento mori; it means "remember death".

https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/commen..._comments/

I choosed the 80 years one

I am glad to hear you are safe bro, I kind of remembered you lived in that area but was not sure. 
Take care!

[tolgaocal80]

hey fab10, thanks man, we felt the shock but, didn't cause damage in my city. it is really made me think the uncertainy of dying.

[tolgaocal80]

stage 2 day 31

4 loops masked, 7-8 loops ultrasonic.

Dreams were more frequently for last week, it is obivious I slept more hours than my normal schedule.
Dreams are not very vivid, but I remember some of them, one is was about an old friend of me and were talking at xxx feet high on a ladder.

This makes me think maybe I have acrophobia but why it is showing itself since I got nothing to do with this. But all of this kind of dreams contains some emotional states.


lets see stage 3,
thanks @Benjamin for quick fix.

[tolgaocal80]

stage 3 day 11

I realized a few minutes earlier it is really hard to hold on a job consistenly. It really is,
I can't take bullshit from anyone, doesn't matter if is a college teacher or fucking boss.


this is a problem, right? It is not like standing up for yourself, I just want to say "fuck off, you loser" and then move on,
I won't be able to get a job with this attitute, it is better to giving math or physics lesson before starting my business.
I know I wouldn't be able to stick with a job long time, beacuse I know there will be a fucking loser that will say me do this, or don't do this, you are bla bla. really I don't know if I will be able to control myself in the next situation like that.
I used to work in a few places but then I was just shutting my mouth and listen what they say to me, it was easy to take this words then. They thought they knew more than me or their value was more than me because of I work for them.

now I don't think this will happen anymore, but I don't know either if I will be able to control myself "right".

well, this may be a subconscious fear of losing control, or a real man attitude, or a passive-agressive behaviour pattern.
time and events will show me that.
you know what,, this kind of events shows me how it is important to have your own job, it doesn't matter if you earn 1k or 10k.

[fab10]

I can totally relate to that bro. I am sure that it is theoretically possible to be happy and fully expressed when working for a boss, but it certainly is not a possibility for me either.

I wonder - Which would would be the best sub to create and build the best possible job?

[tolgaocal80]

there is a BASE sub to building and expanding succesfully your own business but from what I read, BASE is helping you with some abilities that will help you stay on the way, like focus, motivation, self confidence, etc. but I think this sub will not make you start a business if you don't have an idea and plan for it.

I did read one person here, who used BASE and his businesses(already has) income raised significantly, and according to his reports, his ability to focus, motivation and willingness to work increased also.