AM6 Run-2 tolgaocal80's Journal

[tolgaocal80]

stage 1 day 26

I had a dream lately.  Some kind of bad guys took over the world and we were insurgents, I was their leader there. I had a revolver, I was killing them in cool ways, I was cutting robots. then my friend or I got into trouble, I was treating my gun,but I had trouble finding it in my backpack. I dont remember exactly what happened but I found my gun. and wake up.

When I woke up in the morning, I was asking myself, why don't you let yourself? So you can do all you want? Why don't you save yourself from this social hardship? You know you can do very well ?. I don't know if I was fully conscious at that moment, but an image came into my mind, my mother held her hands with my collars, saying I could kill you and you couldn't do them, I was watching them as 3rd person from the outside. my eyes opened after this image.


The things I feel more than the things I see in these dreams affect me. When I saw myself there, it sounded to me like you could do these things, but look, your mother doesn't want to. I see in my dreams some things that come to mind during the day. It doesn't matter what my mother wants. If I see these images, AM is definitely doing something in the depths of my mind. It makes me think of my shame, my fears, things I don't want to tell myself. I don't know if this is the job of the OGFS or the AM core, but it really makes me think.

[tolgaocal80]

stage 1 day 29

what I noticed is, when I played sub in night too long for example 12 hours, effects are kicking really hard on daytime.

About approach focus, last friday I saw a girl in college, and at the moment I felt a great push for approach and this was not like as before, I had feeling lustly but same time I didnt feel any quilty for that, I felt like it was totally normal and if I want to do I should approach her for just that is something I want. I didnt approach at the end, but I know this will be happen.

what I realized is that in my mind I got very shamefull, fearfull and quilty feelings about sexuality and women. I did not think AM would solve this but I guess its helping. I was really looking for this approach focus on women, meantime I am making new friends, at the college and they are both female or male, but I want approach women sexually and see I am doing this shit.


after this run I probably use OF or OGSF or E3 I dont know yet, because this transformation yes, it is happening, really I am feeling it. but it seems working slow, and sometimes I am feeling very sad for nothing. and at some stuations which they were normal to me, I feel very frigthened now, I guess, I still had very wrong or false beliefs towards women and sexuality.

[tolgaocal80]

stage 2 day 6

when stage 2 started, I felt depression very much, bad toughts about my life, my family and this still here. I dont know, sometimes I am thinking how I will become an entrepreneur, what to do to live?, and how things will become so good and I will very satistified with what I will do. but the other times (most of stage 2) I am feeling very bad about my life with thoughts like being too late for doing things that I want, I feel dead about myself.
too much headache, too much tiredness. I'll change sub time to 13.2 hours.

a few days before, I stood up for myself in family, my mother she was always blaming me for absurd things, I now can see almost everything about her disrespect to me, and all other people. she is definitely a narcissist.
she was threating me ,if I dont obey her, and not to do what she say, she will cut of my pocket money and unhouse me.
well I told myself, f*ck it lets see what happens, And told everything that I fear to say before.
I will not explain this further, but that was certainly amazing for me to do this.
that night I go to sleep very relaxed, and the first time in my life, I really felt how it feels to be fearless and shameless.
I was so happy for that. That day, I cried too much also, for no reason,

this is my second run of AM6, but I think I must go on with E3 or OGSF after this run, because, I dont know if I am in a depression but, I am feeling soo much emotions, and I got into a emotional state in stage 2. I am crying when watching a self motivation video, or when thinking a situation about past.

[Darkness]

I would suggest that you just run AM6. Not of or ogsf. I went down that way, and I lost time. If you’re able, SM or WM.

Focus on AM, SM, and WM.

[IceAlive]

this is my second run of AM6, but I think I must go on with E3 or OGSF after this run, because, I dont know if I am in a depression but, I am feeling soo much emotions, and I got into a emotional state in stage 2. I am crying when watching a self motivation video, or when thinking a situation about past.

What drives you to think of what you'll do after you finish AM? It's almost half a year from now. By that time you'll have been through countless states and changes. There may be more of those than what you experienced with the first run.

By that time maybe you'll want something to help you with how many ideas you have and how many opportunities are presented to you and how many girls would appreciate spending time with you. Always keep on with the program you're following and, all the while, let the noise come, let the noise go.

[tolgaocal80]

I would suggest that you just run AM6. Not of or ogsf. I went down that way, and I lost time. If you’re able, SM or WM.

Focus on AM, SM, and WM.

I was thinking that way before this run but this emontional roller coasters hit me really hard. I read somes journals  who did AM and turn back to OF or OGSF because of some traumas or depressions they had during AM. 

Focusing on AM, SM and WM (BASE later) is what I want already but you know I want to make sure that I am receiving most effects from AM. 

I am dealing with university exams and homeworks these days. Thanks for this input, good advice

[tolgaocal80]

this is my second run of AM6, but I think I must go on with E3 or OGSF after this run, because, I dont know if I am in a depression but, I am feeling soo much emotions, and I got into a emotional state in stage 2. I am crying when watching a self motivation video, or when thinking a situation about past.

What drives you to think of what you'll do after you finish AM? It's almost half a year from now. By that time you'll have been through countless states and changes. There may be more of those than what you experienced with the first run.

By that time maybe you'll want something to help you with how many ideas you have and how many opportunities are presented to you and how many girls would appreciate spending time with you. Always keep on with the program you're following and, all the while, let the noise come, let the noise go.

I am seeing dreams about my fears or shames or situations that nearly kills me almost everyday, this causing me to think I need to clear this  fears, shames and emonational traumas. the OGFS in AM I dont know if it will work on this situations, but you are right, day by day this positive feelings become more clear in myself, thanks for this thoughts also appreicated.

[tolgaocal80]

stage 2 day 18

very high motivation to doing necessary things,
I started to make plans about my future and what to do exactly to live, and started to taking first steps.

also, more arguments with my close friends about topics we talk about and they seems to agree with my opinions or my attitude about situations. but this time, no speaking loudly or trying to make agree them with me, just listen them and saying my own thoughts.

I meet a new man from my college, who break up the college back in 90s, and build his own work. now he are coming college to complete his education, he is 55. I never tought about this guy before. A few days before I talk to him about why he is coming the college at this age, he told me about what he did.

I am starting to understand what means to be a entrepreuner, trying to find some valuable information on the internet.
I am realizing my environment had changed much than before, and it is speeding up nowadays.


toughts about women in my mind faded a while before, and it is not important how beatiful they are or, what I see when looked at them boobs, or butts, now they are not effecting me at all, they are like my male friends not even feeling a desire.

[Yous]

this is my second run of AM6, but I think I must go on with E3 or OGSF after this run, because, I dont know if I am in a depression but, I am feeling soo much emotions, and I got into a emotional state in stage 2. I am crying when watching a self motivation video, or when thinking a situation about past.

What drives you to think of what you'll do after you finish AM? It's almost half a year from now. By that time you'll have been through countless states and changes. There may be more of those than what you experienced with the first run.

By that time maybe you'll want something to help you with how many ideas you have and how many opportunities are presented to you and how many girls would appreciate spending time with you. Always keep on with the program you're following and, all the while, let the noise come, let the noise go.

I am seeing dreams about my fears or shames or situations that nearly kills me almost everyday, this causing me to think I need to clear this  fears, shames and emonational traumas. the OGFS in AM I dont know if it will work on this situations, but you are right, day by day this positive feelings become more clear in myself, thanks for this thoughts also appreicated.

I think the same, that fears moved you to deal with them to overcome them, the fear is not the enemy is the allied and the guide.

[tolgaocal80]

this is my second run of AM6, but I think I must go on with E3 or OGSF after this run, because, I dont know if I am in a depression but, I am feeling soo much emotions, and I got into a emotional state in stage 2. I am crying when watching a self motivation video, or when thinking a situation about past.

What drives you to think of what you'll do after you finish AM? It's almost half a year from now. By that time you'll have been through countless states and changes. There may be more of those than what you experienced with the first run.

By that time maybe you'll want something to help you with how many ideas you have and how many opportunities are presented to you and how many girls would appreciate spending time with you. Always keep on with the program you're following and, all the while, let the noise come, let the noise go.

I am seeing dreams about my fears or shames or situations that nearly kills me almost everyday, this causing me to think I need to clear this  fears, shames and emonational traumas. the OGFS in AM I dont know if it will work on this situations, but you are right, day by day this positive feelings become more clear in myself, thanks for this thoughts also appreicated.

I think the same, that fears moved you to deal with them to overcome them, the fear is not the enemy is the allied and the guide.

that is definitely what I wanna hear. Fear is not enemy, it just guide me to see things that gives pain to me and hurting me to overcome them. 


Stage 2 Day 29

My voice quality and, talking to strangers ability increasing well. People around me acting to me like they were already know me and wanting to please me. 
I also love everbody.    This anger " unnecessary anger " towards people and the life itself, I dont feel like that much now. I just want to feel everbody is happy and loving life.

I got very high motivation and now I am making a plan and finding resourches for my startup. It seems I attracting people who are involved about what I am gonna do, I mean I am encountering with new people that is working on something I need or I want to find informations about that topic. Anyway this may be coincidence.

Much emotional fluctuation in past 2 weeks. 

Totally gone neediness and any desire to woman or sex.

I am thinking much about my life. 

+3 days to end  of the stage 2 because of some days I listened lesser than I did. (10.4 hours rather than 13.2).

EDIT: I used sleep magic today it is wonderfull and I definitely love it. If you are complaining about your insufficient sleep time give it a try! It worked on me well than I expected.

[tolgaocal80]

stage 3 day 3

Last week was tough for me. I was dealing with college exams. Today stage 3, third day.

My mental clarity is getting well. I am waking up morning very tranquil, and softly.

Neediness seems to be totally gone. Perfect feelings started again. My face sebum production reduced vastly a long ago. Now my face seems more healhty and clean.

Not noticed any physical changes after run 1. All of them allready had been showed up that run. Voice, body language, body structure, walking, talking, the way I say things, allready changed at all compared to me before. All these were outwardly results (and also I know that because of internal changes).


One year ago, I was trying to find something to let me fuck girls. Now this maybe the last thing I want. I think alphaness (or whatever you say self-realized etc.) is not about to be able to fuck women. this "just" a side effect of it. I am not saying this is not important or not required, but you know first things first, and I realized that first things were always about myself.



You know we are living on this planet in a body that getting older every day.
I dont know what capable of a man who really knows that he must die. I want to teach myself that I must die someday and I dont know that day. This is not about being a pessimist, introvert person. People including me acting in fear like we gonna live a thousand year. I was thinking Fear is  the only reason to all things that I wanted to but I didn't do. I guess being in a fearless state is not enough. 
its like you have a car, but you fear to drive long ways. and then you had powerfull enough to drive anywhere in country, but this time you dont know where to go. 
I am trying to figure out this.

I will start studying English next days, I got some problems about tenses and grammer. sorry for misunderstood sentences.

[tolgaocal80]

stage 3 day 14

I am dreaming very interesting things since last three days. I had changed the speakers place maybe thats why.
Last night's dream was like that:

My mother, my sister and (don't remember that well) my father was on the street for some reason. it was night, and A demon has had a problem with us. I don't know why but he was following us and trying to do something. We were running on the street to survive the demon. Somehow we got in a bus. I was thinking we got over him but then I saw the man in beige coat. I knew this man was the demon. He turned his head to my mother. and then I went there and told him:
"What's your problem? what are you trying to do us?" he was looking at me with his very scaring devil eyes. But I never afraid of this look or feel anything bad. I was knew I could stop him. I looked him in eyes and told "I am not afraid of you. You can not do anything to me or my family."
Then his eyes faded slowly, to a normal human eyes. And he backed off, his all face turned into the face when a nice guy was ashamed.
the dream ends here. not remember what happened after that.


I am reading now Napoleon Hill's Think and Grow Rich book. I learned him from Bob Proctor. the book about creating wealth. the book contains informations about mind programming methods to change one's mindset to create a wealthy life.

Some notices :

When I looked at them (people around me) or say something to them they instantly turning their head somewhere else and avoiding to gaze. this was happening in run1 too, this run something is different I guess; now they got sad after this.

When I looked at attractive women or girls at my age, I don't know what I am feeling but I just focusing on them and triyng to figure out what they are doing.

My voice is very clear, I gained strong speaking skills, when I go to a cafe to talk with my friends, all people around us looking at me when I speak, sometimes I am catching people who listening us to understand what we talk about and people secretly looking at us.
I was a bad stutterer some time ago that I really dont remember now.


not much new changes.


AND:
I researched a little about coronavirus and it seems like it is spreading all over the world. make sure you're getting enough daily vitamins.

[tolgaocal80]

stage 3 day 27

today, was like shit. I remembered my old beta behaviours and thoughts all day long. When I look at the girls or any situation about related to me, instantly I am feeling sad about what I had done, I am asking "Why I was a loser, why did happened to me, why my parents made me like this etc,?
I know all these are beta thinking, I dont know what to do, first month was good, very good,
2. stage was like hell, I was crying all night, when I see an emotional or motivational video on youtube etc, but now on stage 3 I am feeling too needy, and "rude".
I believe stage 3 started to take effect just now.
it says stage 3 where is the big guns out, anyone knows about that? what means the core of the alpha training?

very unstable mood for now. Contuining.

[Darkness]

stage 3 day 27

today, was like shit. I remembered my old beta behaviours and thoughts all day long. When I look at the girls or any situation about related to me, instantly I am feeling sad about what I had done, I am asking "Why I was a loser, why did happened to me, why my parents made me like this etc,?
I know all these are beta thinking,  I dont know what to do,  first  month was good, very good,
2. stage was like hell, I was crying all night, when  I see an emotional or motivational video on youtube etc, but now on stage 3 I am feeling too needy, and "rude".
I believe stage 3 started to take effect just now.
it says stage 3 where is the big guns out, anyone knows about that? what means the core of the alpha training?

very unstable mood for now. Contuining.

Yes it’s the core script. My first run of stage 3 had me in pain,thoughts of suicide& also girls saying I was hot or that I was making them wet,or that I was a player.