08-09-2014, 03:45 AM
I agree, Shannon - I get these stem from my insecurities, and what's more I might be starting to understand how the subs are working.
The events that I mentioned caused me pain - but I think I felt that I was being invited to not give a shit. to make a choice myself about following my own path and not worrying about others.
For instance, I was at a meeting, and I spoke up with my ideas about how we were going to approach a problem, some things I said were really useful and good, others not so much - I noticed someone slightly giggling to themselves after I asked a very basic question. I made the choice after to not care - to risk speaking my mind even if everyone thought I was retarded and I felt at this point that I was facing the question of being able to my self even at the risk of complete isolation and rejection from society.
I was challenged to assert this a few times yesterday, one, for instance a girl said she wanted to get dinner with me but kept me waiting while she spoke to friends I told her that either we leave soon or I'm going to make other plans, she agreed then kept me waiting again so I just walked away without saying a word and went on to have an awesome evening.
I did go out to dinner It was cool, I met a friend, the waitress spent ages talking to me, and practically sat down with us to just chill - then going to watch a movie, the woman serving icecream was laughing at everything I said and gave me like 3 scoops more than I'd asked for (my friend kept joking that he thought that she was in love with me - she was wasn't quite a looker, though)
an insight into resistance - I find it really hard to do things when I really want to do them. for instance I pile huge amounts of pressure on myself to get things done, but end up getting nothing done - and it occurred to me this morning that the more force I pile up to get something done, the more resistance I face.
This is why, in the past, I've always excelled at things I didn't give a shit about, there was less internal resistance because there was less force applied, and instead more flow.
I don't know how to explain that better - once I do i'll make a more detailed post about it. in the mean time I'm relaxing more in order to get more done with my life.
MJ1 - cheers bro, the app I use is called 'days since' from the apple store but there are multitude of apps doing a similar/the same thing so I'd recommend getting one. helps a lot.
I've also just started setting my timer off on my phone when I start listening to monitor how much I'm getting a day - otherwise I just listened at night and chalked that up as 8 hrs when really I often sleep just 6-7 hrs resulting in quite a few days without proper exposure - that's changed now though!
The events that I mentioned caused me pain - but I think I felt that I was being invited to not give a shit. to make a choice myself about following my own path and not worrying about others.
For instance, I was at a meeting, and I spoke up with my ideas about how we were going to approach a problem, some things I said were really useful and good, others not so much - I noticed someone slightly giggling to themselves after I asked a very basic question. I made the choice after to not care - to risk speaking my mind even if everyone thought I was retarded and I felt at this point that I was facing the question of being able to my self even at the risk of complete isolation and rejection from society.
I was challenged to assert this a few times yesterday, one, for instance a girl said she wanted to get dinner with me but kept me waiting while she spoke to friends I told her that either we leave soon or I'm going to make other plans, she agreed then kept me waiting again so I just walked away without saying a word and went on to have an awesome evening.
I did go out to dinner It was cool, I met a friend, the waitress spent ages talking to me, and practically sat down with us to just chill - then going to watch a movie, the woman serving icecream was laughing at everything I said and gave me like 3 scoops more than I'd asked for (my friend kept joking that he thought that she was in love with me - she was wasn't quite a looker, though)
an insight into resistance - I find it really hard to do things when I really want to do them. for instance I pile huge amounts of pressure on myself to get things done, but end up getting nothing done - and it occurred to me this morning that the more force I pile up to get something done, the more resistance I face.
This is why, in the past, I've always excelled at things I didn't give a shit about, there was less internal resistance because there was less force applied, and instead more flow.
I don't know how to explain that better - once I do i'll make a more detailed post about it. in the mean time I'm relaxing more in order to get more done with my life.
MJ1 - cheers bro, the app I use is called 'days since' from the apple store but there are multitude of apps doing a similar/the same thing so I'd recommend getting one. helps a lot.
I've also just started setting my timer off on my phone when I start listening to monitor how much I'm getting a day - otherwise I just listened at night and chalked that up as 8 hrs when really I often sleep just 6-7 hrs resulting in quite a few days without proper exposure - that's changed now though!
Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
