08-08-2014, 05:49 AM
So I finished AM6 over a week ago and went on holiday, still listened to stage 6 on and off, trying to reclaim a sense of warm fluffy self acceptance.
I thought i'd play around with NS4M and had some strange results, mainly with people being really unpleasant to me - which wasn't expected! Spending time with some Alphas I noticed they were all a bit condescending, making very subtle jabs at me, and trying to show that they were better than me which drover me up the wall, mainly because i felt it was partly true.
My sensitivity made me realise. I've got to go through this again.
In fairness I'd say didn't give AM6 a fair run. much of stages 2 3 and 4, i was on various drugs for depression etc. which can't have been good for my results.
Looking back over my posts, i'd say the times i was most hopeless were in no smal part down to the effects of the medication. This time i'm determined to see this through without. I'm also getting better at tapping on problems, staying calm enough to realise that when i feel terrible, this is probably a good thing because i have something to aim at.
Anyway I had my first night of Stage 1 last night, woke up today feeling calmer and more self assured than i had in a long time - perhaps since the last time i started.
I've noticed something that hits me. I can't stand the thought that women don't like/want me, and when they prefer another man over me it absolutely kills, but this isn't just about women, it also happens when anyone says anything i slightly find condescending - and i seem to get this alot from people, people talking to me like i've made a mistake or am being stupid when (honestly) I'm in the right, and then after when it's clear that i'm in the right, refusing to acknowledge it. it's like people refuse to see me as anything else but low status sometimes and will do anything to ignore evidence that proves otherwise.
on the otherside I know i have problems accepting my own worth. too much self deprication. my first run of am6 helped a little with this, but the results were inconsistent, with massive peaks followed by troughs in terms of self esteem.
I will find a way to tap on these and report back.
right now i'm just smarting after learning i wasn't invited to a party. how very petty. but for most of the day i've been positive. Working on a plan to fix my finances and get ALOT done by the end of this year.
ah and found a great app to let me monitor the number of days of AM6 use!
Anyway. Here we go again. Round two starting now!
I thought i'd play around with NS4M and had some strange results, mainly with people being really unpleasant to me - which wasn't expected! Spending time with some Alphas I noticed they were all a bit condescending, making very subtle jabs at me, and trying to show that they were better than me which drover me up the wall, mainly because i felt it was partly true.
My sensitivity made me realise. I've got to go through this again.
In fairness I'd say didn't give AM6 a fair run. much of stages 2 3 and 4, i was on various drugs for depression etc. which can't have been good for my results.
Looking back over my posts, i'd say the times i was most hopeless were in no smal part down to the effects of the medication. This time i'm determined to see this through without. I'm also getting better at tapping on problems, staying calm enough to realise that when i feel terrible, this is probably a good thing because i have something to aim at.
Anyway I had my first night of Stage 1 last night, woke up today feeling calmer and more self assured than i had in a long time - perhaps since the last time i started.
I've noticed something that hits me. I can't stand the thought that women don't like/want me, and when they prefer another man over me it absolutely kills, but this isn't just about women, it also happens when anyone says anything i slightly find condescending - and i seem to get this alot from people, people talking to me like i've made a mistake or am being stupid when (honestly) I'm in the right, and then after when it's clear that i'm in the right, refusing to acknowledge it. it's like people refuse to see me as anything else but low status sometimes and will do anything to ignore evidence that proves otherwise.
on the otherside I know i have problems accepting my own worth. too much self deprication. my first run of am6 helped a little with this, but the results were inconsistent, with massive peaks followed by troughs in terms of self esteem.
I will find a way to tap on these and report back.
right now i'm just smarting after learning i wasn't invited to a party. how very petty. but for most of the day i've been positive. Working on a plan to fix my finances and get ALOT done by the end of this year.
ah and found a great app to let me monitor the number of days of AM6 use!
Anyway. Here we go again. Round two starting now!
Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.