AM6

[Sky]

Day 17: Went to the gym this morning. 4th time this week.

Little sad today because my manager told me I need to be more proactive in assigning myself work/having an opinion of a task I can do and discussing that with my manager before doing it and be self sufficient in my job.

Feeling a little down.

Whenever I get feedback like this, it makes me want to quit my job and try something else.

Update: I feel better now, I shifted my perspective or updated it and think I now have to figure out how to differentiate myself and develop my own expertise on my team.

[Sky]

Day 18: another day.

[Sky]

Day 19: Dreamed about my old prom date. I cursed at her and she ran away.

[Sky]

Day 20: Slept incredibly well. Dreamed. Did not go to the gym today. Feeling relaxed about life.

[Sky]

Day 21: Dreamed. Went to the gym.

some things I've noticed on AM stage 1: I cleaned my room. I've been going to the gym consistently, I've been on top of my homework.

[Sky]

Day 22: Couldn't hit the gym this morning because of work.

Dreamed about fighting with my middle brother. Wonder what that's about?

[Sky]

Day 23: dreamed. Went to the gym. The gym workout today was good! Been getting work done.

[Sky]

Day 24: Dreamed. skipped the gym due to hw and other commitments.

[Sky]

Day 25: Dreamed. I remember it this time. I dreamed about catching the train to see my friend at his place when it was his birthday.

I woke up early. Planning to go to the gym.

Can anyone tell me what to expect or what their experience has been with stage 2 of AM6? I've noticed pretty decent changes on stage 1 in terms of new habits forming. I wake up earlier and refreshed and I'm not tired and sluggish all the time. I go to the gym consistently. I don't worry as much about things. I feel like I can handle stuff on my own. I feel like my confidence is growing and that I'm on the path to self-improvement in a way that I wasn't before with OGSF 5.9G. On that sub, I felt tired all the time, like my energy button was off or needed to be fixed. I couldn't bring myself to get up on the mornings. I was lazy all the time. I even avoided taking out the recycling trash. Now, on AM6 stage 1, I feel like I'm discerning things differently and am becoming more grounded in my own thoughts. I didn't expect dramatic changes from the subs like a 5G sub like AM6. I put the onus on myself to change and see the subs as a bonus for self-improvement now, but I have been steadily surprised. I think I plan to run women magnet 5G after all of this. I'm tired of healing subs that suck out all of my energy and pretty much make me useless at achieving my short term and long term goals for going to the gym, finishing my masters, and getting a long term relationship through being proactive with going after what I want. If AM6 is this good, I can't wait to run AM7. I do want to acknowledge that there is the possibility that all the healing I went through on LTUv6 and the emotional healing and OGSF and OF subs might've made my run of stage 1 of AM6 a breeze. Throughout the past 5 years, I've focused on self improvement and growth to the extent that I own all of my decisions rather than using someone's reflection of me and my fears of making certain choices to dictate what choices I actually make. If anything, all of this writing is a sign of self improvement that I've been looking for but wasn't able to put into words until I started free writing on this journal. I feel free, refreshed, etc. I love the idea that we can all grow on our own without subliminals, so using subliminals are just a bonus of our own reflections and actions for change. Going to bed early and having meaningful self-improvement conversations with my friends is another area that has improved in my life. Before, I just used to self-deprecate on phone calls or in person with my friends on OGSF or attract romantic love, but now I see a different side of myself that's been much needed in terms of having self-evident improvement. I'm also thinking more clearly as well. I think that's new because I used to be encumbered by all my habits and fear of indecision-making, but because I'm making rational choices based on logical reasons for the long term, I know that I'm doing what's right for me.

If anyone has constructive thoughts to add to this post, feel free to post.

I'm not in anyway downplaying the healing subliminals btw, just thoughts so far on how I feel they have affected my habits and life since I seem to be so easily influenced by them. They could have paved the way for an easier run of AM6 through all the healing that I went through and focus I put into self-improvement and therapy. Before I feel like my thoughts would disperse before I could think critically about making important or non-important decisions for myself to the point where I'd feel like I'd stagnate and just lay in bed due to being too lazy to make a decision that gets me to do something productive work wise, or to make and eat food, take out the trash, go outside to get some fresh air or hang out with friends by planning something, clean my room (this is HUGE, I actually cleaned my room as funny as it sounds but that's what laziness can do to me). Whereas now, I actually feel hopeful for my present circumstances and happy with where I'm at in life. I think contentedness while want to self-improve was something I struggled with in the healing subliminals. The previous subliminal that had the most impact on me was LTUv6, so I'm grateful for that. I think I like being positive but I also think it can be hard to be positive if I'm caught in self-defeating thought patterns like self-deprecation or negativity about not wanting to take responsibility for things that I was afraid of like failing out of school and so therefore using that as an excuse to not try hard enough, or not making enough of an effort to see my friends in person or call them because I felt like it was all useless due to my lack of energy and my apathy on the healing subs. There's a huge emotional shift that's taking place right now that I haven't really felt on other subliminals also as is evident by this post and my habitual changes in thinking and action. I think this is because I'm growing in a way that is helping me become a man and remove the self-image of a boy. No woman or friend or family desires a man child that complains and can't take care of their own circumstances. Family is definitely there to support, but I think I've played victim to my fears for too long. I am more outspoken now as another positive change, which I was afraid to do before. I never would have talked to my senior director the way I did yesterday if I didn't change the way I think. Writing all of this is definitely the self-reflection I was looking for. Seeing other people write profound things in their journals was nice because I wanted those changes for myself, but when would that happen actually? You know? I'm glad I took the path I did to run AM6 and move to NYC and experience a whole new way of life. I certainly disagree with my friend that everyone is the same everywhere due to globalization. I think that's too un-nuanced and simplistic of an answer. I definitely feel a difference in community, energy, and types of people that come together in different areas of the United States. As they say, birds of a feather flock together. Anyways, that's enough of a rant.

@Shannon I think this post is worth reading because it's actually substantive and evident of my self-reflection of running stage 1 for the past month. Thank you. It's too early to thank you for the whole program as I have yet to run all six stages. , but I can see myself growing, improving, and moving into more of a positive direction, and becoming more masculine as well. Masculine energy to balance the feminine energy has always been a really interesting concept to me, so maybe it's starting to click more as I run the healing and clearing stage 1 of AM6.

[Sky]

Day 26: Feeling like it's a new day, cause it is lol! Dreamed and slept in.

[Sky]

Day 27: went to the gym! Slept mostly well.

[Sky]

Day 28: Made it to the gym this morning! Wasn't sure if I would do it but I managed to make it outside and then to the gym when I woke up. Kept falling back asleep.

[Sky]

Day 29: made it to the gym. Dreamed.

[Sky]

Day 30: I had a dream about people hugging me and forgiving me. I was crying in the dream.

Two more days to go! I'm skipping the gym today, and am going tomorrow because I have a dentist appt.