AM5 + MLS Journal after finishing LTU 3.1

[lokko]

Day 16: I'm starting to see people's manipulations. I see there manipulations and what come to observe is that their manipulations are because of insecurities tied to them. Their self esteem is low to say anything so they try to be sneaky about it. For example: I went over to my uncles house, and we had couple of fam members there, and I walk in, say hi to the men, then go to the kitchen area where the woman are and start looking for food. The 3 ladies just kinda passively said Hi to me ( these are my aunts) and then one of them finally spoke up and said oh you look hungry and I was like "eh, I'm just looking around" then the leader of my family (Alpha male) my oldest uncle walked in the house and all of them got up "For respect" then asked him if he was hungry, next thing you know, all three of my aunts went and started quickly making him something. I was like wow...the power of Money..he possess most of the money my family makes, cause they work for him, and they suck up to him so much. My family is usually very judgemental, critisizes, etc..for example about "getting married with one woman and being loyal" yet this uncle of mine got divorced over 4 times..of course they can't say anything he's the "Leader" the "alpha male"..me and him have tension..sometimes we forget about the tension and go about talking to eachother, but when we don't see eachother for a long time, tension from old arguements come up subconsciously and we act so cold to eachother.

Anyways, then one of my aunt was like "Oh you should sleep at your moms place tonight, since you're taking her to the airport, you should sleep there because you wont get up" I was like meh I'll get up it's cool, and next thing you know my other aunt was like, "give him the cheque" i was thinking wtf..she gave me a cheque that she was supposed to give my parents, yet she gives it to me but she does it so manipulative and sneaky. Telling me to sleep over at my moms place, so that she can give me the cheque to give my mom worry-less. I was thinking to myself wow...this is the first time I noticed their "Manipulation" I wonder how often they have been doing this with me.


Then another thing I noticed is, one of my younger uncles doesn't have his own personal vehicle at the moment, and lives with me, he was the one who told me to bring him to the get together we had tonight, he lives with me, and was like "we'll only be there 10 mins" but instead we were there for over an hour which I didn't complain to, but then when I was like okay lets go, he barely budged, I go into my vehicle and he still doesn't come out, I call him, I'm like lets go, he's like you go, i'll come myself" I thought to myself..wth..how is gonna come home if he doesn't have a car..then it clicked he wanted to borrow one of my uncles car to go over to his FWB's place. I was like wow...why can't he just be straight up instead of playing games...then I thought about how this might be the cause of insecurity..too afraid to admit he wants to borrow their car..so he tells me to just go..so that when he is gonna live home, he's gonna be like guys "Lokko left, I need your car to go home" and they would give it to him knowing he'd return it the next day. That's so sneaky like though...

I'm starting to notice all these things early on in this sub..I'm not sure if "MLS" sub is helping the acceleration of the sub, making me "Learn" the affirmations in the sub faster and the effects working more noticeably.

[lokko]

day 17: Ran a bunch of errands for people. I'm so sick and tired of it. People are starting to use me to their advantage because I'm not working at the moment. Like EVERYONE in my family. It's pissing me off and I can't say no cause I look "bad" since In their eyes I got nothing else to do. However I bought so much food to go on a diet and 1/3 of the food is gonna go to waste because it's been a couple of days since I bought em so they'll expire..such as yogurt, spinach, broccolli etc. I've lost my self esteem it seems..maybe it's cause I'm jobless..but tomorrow I have a job interview with a car company for their internet sales. If it's good money I'll take it. I'm pretty confident I'll get the job, since I'm well knowledged in sales. Let's see if the money is worth it.


edit: Oh and I've had 2 dreams on different days where a dog is biting my butt real hard..what the heck...I had a trauma when I was a kid, I was around 8, and it was winter, I had this snowman hat, had a ball shaped cotton on the end of it, and thisbig dog thought it was a ball and jumped on me, crawled on top of me and I was scared shitless. From then on I was real scared of dogs. Even at the age I am now, bigger dogs frighten me. I mean if there nice and I'm around them long enough I'm fine. Same with puppies I love em. I just have this paranoa that dogs will bite me. I'll tap on it tomorrow, hopefully get rid of this fear once and for all.

[lokko]

day 18. Been having very vivid dreams..Can't remember most of it but at one point in the dream I was like "this can't be real, this must be a dream" and my grandmother responded, "it's not a dream"..like how creepy is that lol. When I woke up I was like wow..that felt the real world too. I'm having a bunch of self growth and realization type of dream..it's as if my subconscious is giving me signs..and at the same time barriers.

As far as the real world..I went over to my fwb's place, she gave me a blow job and I had my sleepphones on..but this time I felt the urge to cum..and after 3 mins of a blow job I did cum..that's not a good sign.. I had that under control..not sure what's happening. Might be going through a lot of anxiety and worry again..

[lokko]

Day 19: Lots of productivity today! I started a diet where I would be consuming the least amount of calories with the essential macro's and nutrients I need in a day, which results in the fastest weight-loss possible. I'm not fat, I'm about 173 pounds, 5'10, 23 years old. I just have a lot of surrounding fat in my cheeks, and ESPECIALLY belly. I have a huge belly. I gain most of my "weight/fat" in those to places. I've done this diet before and lasted only a week and a half, till life got in the way. I managed to lose 11 pounds! which is crazy. Most of my belly fat was gone, still had one but it was significantly reduced, and cheeks had no fat whatsoever. This time I plan to go on this diet for a month straight (IF NEEDED). I just want to get rid of all this fat, and then start mass muscle building. (this diet has fish oil, multivitamins, and other vitamins that I need to keep healthy with this diet or else I'd be in the hospital from feeling so sick lol)

I also started on a course called "How to find your dream job by Ramit Sethi" Seems real good so far, have finished one module and already learnt a lot of things, such as how applying at and giving 30 resumes to job places won't really get you a job, and this is true cause I've done around 20 before and only got like 3 interviews and a finally a job, which I wasn't even happy in. This program allows me to find my dream job, and then execute tactics that are proven to get that job.

Still doing Mark mansons program about being my authentic self. One of the things he mentions is being vulnerable, and it's not something weak. Being vulnerable allows you to be the real you, showing your insecurities (cause everyone has them) and then not being anxious or worried about them, because that shows your displaying confidence in yourself. Allowing yourself to have emotions..and expressing them, which I have a hard time doing now, since my break with my ex since 4 years ago and I still once in a blue moon think about it. I've closed myself from that so much that now I realize it's time to be vulnerable again, cause if I don't i'll never get the girl I want.


As far as MLS: I'm starting to have more dreams in regards to learning, which is nice to know MLS is still playing a role in my life and not just AM5. I wish I could fit in more exposure time in MLS but sometimes I get 3 hours, sometimes 6, and 8.. I average about 4 hours.

[lokko]

Day 20: It's my second day on the diet and it's so hard to avoid junk food and just tasty food. I get the urge to just go grab a bite and then I tell myself, come on just do this for a month. I can potentially lose 35 pounds or so in a month with this diet WITHOUT Exercise. I will however fit in some exercise twice a week, where I have a cheat meal day, and a high carb day.

Mark Manson's program really opened my eyes to things I already knew but he explained them so well, and so differently, with examples and what it results to, that I know have my "head on straight" in the next module I'm on, he talks about "demographics" and where to meet woman, and so forth. He states the obvious about, "If you want to meet woman you like, meet them at where you like, if you're not into clubs, don't try to go for club woman as your primary target, if you like museums go for girls there" all this is obvious but then he mentions, psychologically this makes you more confident, emotionally feeling better, and authentic. It creates the happiness you're looking for. Imagine being with the woman or multiple women (If you prefer) that align with your beliefs, likes, desires, and etc. It makes you so much happier, rather then trying to "Perform" for women in clubs, using pick up lines, body language, and other PUA stuff, and not being the real you for the rest of your life, losing yourself. So much more content he talks about. Like our metric for happiness, and how we try to show value to women, instead of being someone who is valued and value yourself. Setting standards etc. So much more.

I'm loving the fact that I'm not relying on subs to work magic, rather I'm using it as a boost in my life and achieve the mindset I desire. I believe too many people on this forum are looking for "The Magic Sub/potion" and not really working on themselves. I believe it's cause the lazy side kicks in and procastination, use these subs to your benefit. If you're feeling motivated and productive, thanks to the subs, then quickly act upon it. Do what you have been putting off. If you're feeling really confident and awesome, use that to your advantage to go out and put it to work. The subs are giving you these boosts and when you're not using them the effects slip cause your minds like hey I don't even need this cause obviously I'm not using it. It's like when you first got on a bike, someone was helping you get on, and holding on, and you were "Riding the bike" and when they let go, you stopped peddling..well, they gave you the boost, now you got to do the rest!


It's still 9:45 pm here so I'm also going to go through some more "how to find your dream job" course. Will update if you need be about it.

[lokko]

Day 21: Still doing the usual with the courses I'm taking. Today was my cheat meal day, and omg burger king never tasted better, just thinking about it makes me want to go back and grab another bite. I honestly wish there was a magic pill where I can take this pill to be in the body shape I want and at the same time eat whatever I want..of course this wont be fair cause all the ladies will be attracted to all guys since we'd all take the pill lol. I've read a little bit on journals regarding weightloss and it kinda made me upset to think, something that is true. I mean yes I will go on this diet for a month lets say, and then after that I'll go back to my old eating pattern and gain it all back. I just love food so much. So I need to preplan for that..I want to make sure I get into another diet, and go to the gym, mass building type of diet/exercise.

I touched video games again but now consciously telling myself to let go, and how I have other priorities first, once my career path is on track, and I move out, make good money, find a gf, move out with her and go from there.

[lokko]

day 22: Mark Manson and this sub is the best combo so far. I'm going to report this experience I'm feeling if it stays consistent. Amazing, and refreshing.

[lokko]

day 23: Lots of resistance came up. Had dreams where i was a failure at jobs I applied for. Just got through some without tapping. I also totally hate this diet I'm on, it's actually the hardest thing...no more then a 1000 calories and eating the same food everyday gets tiring. I told myself 1 month, so I'm gonna keep pushing. The amount of hunger I feel right now is crazy..lets tap..tap our life. You can tell I'm really not feeling optimistic right now.

[lokko]

day 30: Lots of resistance came up during the last weeks of stage 1, Just feeling really emotional and and some depression but I tapped on them before they can take over and was relieved of them.

Today I got a girl from where I used to work come over, got laid. Made her a fwb. As you can see I'm not really interested in her.

Anyhow, I decided to go work with my family in construction. Starting tomorrow, I'll be working minimum 10 hours a day, at a different city that isn't highly populated. Will be there for 2 months or less. My fam accepted my offer to work with them if they paid for all of my schooling, I'll be going back to school in september for business.


I've stopped using MLS 4 days ago due to not finding time to fit it in. I'll restart it in a month or so.

Only 2 days left until stage 2. Many things came up in stage 1, and I tapped on all them. I've become more calm and collected. I don't want to tell you the whole story about what happen today but because of the calmness and assertiveness I've developed, I Went to mr lube for a oil change and ended up getting my "transfer case service" which costs $120 for free since I pointed out all the flaws they were doing cause they said it starts from $59.99 and up but never told me it would result in $120. Me and the manager went back and forth till he gave in, which really was their fault but didn't want to admit it.

[lokko]

day 31: msged a chick on facebook that ive talked to once in a blue moon. 8 out of 10, thanks to her beautiful tits. It was her bday and I asked what she was gonna do to celebrate it. She's like "Have birthday sex with you would be perfect" and I was then worried she's prob to young if she's confident enough to say something like that..asked her age, she was like "old enough" i was like seriously..and turns out shes 17, too young...

[lokko]

day 32: Feel confident as fuck

[lokko]

day 33 of stage 1: Only reason I added another day is because I missed a day and so I wanted to make sure I have enough hours done with stage 1. alright so I'm in the new city now and I've got lots of good ideas that I'm excited about. One of them being, "Hey nobody knows me in this city! I can hit on any girl, say anything, try anything" etc. Back in the city where I live, I'm so worried about being known as the guy hitting on any chick. I have a big facebook list and people in my city talk..so I always worry about doing day game, but now that I'm in this new city I can approach and be worry free of that. I'll be working lots but I'll still have time to go grocery shopping and etc to hit on chicks

[lokko]

stage 2 day 1: Lots of dreams. Had a dream about my ex, which clearly I wasn't over of..she just made me feel happy again in my dreams, It's been over 4 years and I still haven't truly let go of her. She's married now, I have to move on already.

I also had "nightmares" where people were out to try to kill me, well not really but I was scared that someone would attempt while on my way home in the dream. Stage two is different for sure, even the dreams have new meanings and new faces of fears and etcs that are showing up.

[lokko]

update to day 1: I now know what people are talking about in stage 2 in regards to anger. I'm easily pissed off. I'm not willing to suck up to a person, or act all good if I'm not. People are irratating me more easily. I notice people are trying to control me and be little me when they get sensitive about something I say or do.