AM 5.0 Journal

[stratos]

are you holding your breath? how deeply/freely/easily do you breathe. can you breathe deeply without getting uncomfortable.

[Ace]

The world today has trained our minds to always focus on lack and negativity, so it might be possible that you are getting better but you just can't see it. Look clearly, go through your journal and also remember that AM has naturalizer which makes it difficult to see changes.
If you have seen changes then that means it is working. Sometimes our negative minds can mess up our perception of reality.

One more thing:

I'm in despair lol, nothing seems to properly work for me. -_-

Got to admit I'm feeling stressed about this, because I really want it to work, but I know theres something that just isn't clicking. Most of the time I've had this dull/heavy feeling in my stomach area, as if theres energy there but its being suppressed IDK.

Whatever you focus on grows. You are focusing on "nothing is happening" and so you are getting it. It is creating resistance to AM.
Let it go, don't "want" for it to work......as Shannon says "play it and forget it".
Worrying about the results won't make it work better or faster, it will work only as fast as it can work........but worrying about it will slow your progress.

[AlphaScorpio]

@SargeMaximus Yeh we did, but then she said stuff was weird between us and didnt want me to come over again, guess she wasn't really ready.
I don't know what specifically causes the resistance, but I'm pretty sure that the reason AM hasn't been working as well for me as I'd like it to is because of fear and shame. This is why I have hope in AM6 because it has OGSF and 5g etc.

@stratos I only breath deeply when I think about it, and yes It varies, sometimes it's uncomfortable to the point where there might be a bit of a pain, other times I can't get a full satisfying breath without having to breath shallow with my shoulders going up etc. and sometimes I can breath with my stomach but there always feels like theres a bit of a block from it going completely the full way, know what this could be?

@Ace I do agree with what you are saying that negativity breeds negativity and focusing on the negativity makes it worse, but I've been trying to stay positive the whole time on AM5 and every now and then (you'll notice) I have these big downfall posts where it's like "Fuuuck everything's gone downhill" etc. For the most part of stage 4 and 5 I did set it and forget it, and I didn't really notice much lol.

I think you can tell when a sub is really working when your outside reality changes, when people show you more respect, girls check you out and become more obvious etc. I haven't really noticed much of that (maybe a couple of days where it's clicked in the whole 6 months). It's hard to be optimistic when it's clearly not doing much. The naturalizer is still ok because even if I don't notice the results other people would and they'd probably treat me different or say something like "you've changed" but I haven't noticed much of that.

For example I was at least expecting my friend to start respecting me more during AM5, some days when I was feeling good and upbeat he'd show more respect, but for the most part I still feel he isn't respecting shit about me, and I can't make him do that it's annoying because like I've said countless times in posts When I first start a stage the first week is usually where I see most results, it's like I go to sleep wake up "Okay something feels different, oh shit I feel great" Day 2 "Okay I doubt this will last, but oh shit more results" day 3, 4, 5 etc. But then when I get to about week and a half/ 2 weeks everything either goes downhill or nothing really happens and I go back to my baseline state I have no fucking idea what that's all about, IS IT PLACEBO? or am I stonewalling? idk.

The fact that my mum said that I haven't changed at all says alot. My parents do still moan at me about the same things they moaned at me before AM as well lol.

[Jakeb203]

Scorpio, just by listening to AM5.0 will not make your existing friends respect you... Think about it, if you have always treated someone in a certain way, would you suddenly change your view just because he has toughened up or becomes cooler? You might momentarily respect his new vibe or behaviors, but you would change back to the way how you always have treated him. You might even think that he's faking the behaviors since he gives off inconsistent signals, which is a result done by the subliminal.

Although the sub promises a sounding reality, YOU are the person in charge of your new circle. If you can't change the minds of certain friends, then forget about it. Find new ones who can respect you.

[AlphaScorpio]

@Jakeb I have in the past consciously worked on becoming more respectable with my circle of friends, and yes, now in general I am definitely much more respected. I'm talking about one specific friend who I've always clashed with and I have mentioned him in earlier posts. yeh it's probably too late for me and him to be honest, we've known eachother for 5 years so I guess it is too late.

[stratos]

Holding your breath suppresses emotional function. So you are only left with your logical mind and the subs won't help you evolve and clear out the old emotional junk. suggest focusing 10 minutes per day on breathing and feeling the negative feelings. I bet even a minute or two is tough for you right now bro. You can either feel bad now or later but eventually you have to get through it. Holding your breath means later. I wonder if Shannon adding something to the subs to help and encourage regular breathing would help his resistant customers.

[SargeMaximus]

The fact that my mum said that I haven't changed at all says alot. My parents do still moan at me about the same things they moaned at me before AM as well lol.

It is also possible, I would say, that she DID notice a change and was simply trying to keep another one of her "babies" from being lost. Depends, of course, on her disposition, but her reaction sounded very angry/fear induced. Also, didn't you mention during your run how things between you and your parents got heated and a few times your mom was asking you things like "what's wrong?" and etc?

And finally, I'd say, at the very least, you've demonstrated that you still take other people's opinions of you to heart which should have been fixed from AM.

So, either way, AM 6 is a great next step.

[Ace]

It can be possible that you got only some results because of resistance or you might be in a very bad place when you started so you can't see awesome results like everybody else.
Why don't you make a list of all the positive changes you have seen since starting AM no matter how small they are? May be that will help you believe that subs work for you.

[AlphaScorpio]

anger anger fucking anger

I've had the most stressful, hateful and angry few days that I can remember having in a long time.
The slightest criticism or offense that a friend or family member makes and I want to go fucking mad. I'm also angry at myself for all the stupid stuff I do, loosing my keys, getting kicked out of my courses, getting a parking ticket everything is just piling on and it makes me want to go fucking insane.

Mum tells me that I should keep my room clean like every other normal person - makes me wanna flip
Friend (or so called friend) says I'm gay because I got ED with a girl - makes me wanna go absolutely nuts
Dad tells me I'm irresponsible and pathetic - makes me wanna kick in all the doors of my house
this girl calls me a faggot - makes me wanna punch someone

What's really stressing me out is that a few people have said I'm gay and a faggot, this really puzzles me because I know I'm not gay, I watch girls on pornhub, I went out with girls, I find girls attractive, yes I'm still full of doubt and disbelief and lack confidence with girls but HOW IN HELL DOES THIS MAKE ME GAY!? I am also puzzled at why this even bothers me if I know I'm not gay. I think it's shame about what other people think about me. all my life shame shame shame.

[stratos]

if you like - try 3 minutes of hitting the bed with your fists, 3 minutes of "strangling a towel" (like it's a neck), and 3 minutes of shouting into a pillow (or in the woods or car or whatever) and tell me if it helps or not.

[SargeMaximus]

I think it's shame about what other people think about me.

Probably, but you've got to focus dude. Forget what other people say. Focus on what you want, and what you know you are. Also, responsibility is HUGE, it may make you mad, but you're dad is right in that regard. Punching people or kicking in doors doesn't solve anything. Learn to solve your problems, then you won't have them anymore.

So for your parking ticket, what did you do wrong? Acknowledge it, say "Oh, THAT'S what I did wrong. Ok, I won't do that again. Lesson learned." and log it away in your memory. The point of difficulty is so we can learn. If we just get mad, we miss the entire point of life, imho.

If you REALLY want to live a life of freedom, you've got to take responsibility for EVERYTHING that is in your direct control, INCLUDING your feelings and reactions. Even the way you frame statements.

For example, one time I was working with a guy on some rich guy's house. We were talking and such and eventually I told him about a movie I made (keep in mind I'm VERY passionate about my movies). Anyhow, I tell him all about this one, and you know what he says?

"Sounds pretty gay."

But guess what I do? I just laugh it off saying "It is kinda gay, isn't it?"

BOOM! He instantly had no more power over me.

Later on, the rich guy's wife came over and asked for me BY NAME to help her (keep in mind that the other guy was in charge) and we started talking and laughed together, while mister "Sounds pretty gay" was slaving away like a miserable freak.

Point is, if you're going to become great, you'd better know now that people will start to try and bring you down. It may be insecurity, it may be fear or intimidation, but if you just keep cool and stay on course, you'll find yourself miles ahead of them all.

Think of people as anchors on a blimp and you'll see what I mean. The higher you go/want to go, the more weights you have to let go of.

[AlphaScorpio]

if you like - try 3 minutes of hitting the bed with your fists, 3 minutes of "strangling a towel" (like it's a neck), and 3 minutes of shouting into a pillow (or in the woods or car or whatever) and tell me if it helps or not.

I find this helps stratos, but the stress builds up again, and it feels like I have no energy to do the kicking again.

[K-Train]

Success and happiness are the ultimate forms of revenge. Enemies/critics can't stand to see you happy, and they damn sure can't stand to see you successful.

I've been there before, middle school was hell for me, specifically 6th-7th. I found solace in athletics and worked my butt off to improve myself physically and make the football team. Ain't nobody gonna f*ck with you when you're knocking heads.

In your case though, I would recommend doing what Sarge said but ALSO advise that you find something, anything, that you like to do and kick-ass in it. Also realize that 75-90% of those idiots calling you "gay" and a "faggot" have a habit of weeding themselves out of your life especially as you achieve higher and higher levels of success. Most of the people who gave me hell in middle school and some of high school went away because I went to college and they either went to jail or became bums. And the friend? The one who called you gay for having ED? Start gradually freezing him out. You don't need that shit in your life.

Subliminal wise, ASC, OGSF, or Ultra Success sound like good options. If you don't mind me asking AlphaScorpio, what year of high school are you in?

[Darkness]

Stop that shit on its tracks, directly and if confrontation is needed go ahead. Refrain from agreeing with insults that is just playing mind games with yourself. If you are disrespected, and you also disrespect yourself why would anyone respect you. Put them in check. 98% of humanity ARE bitches, regardless of gender or orientation. They only understand after you inflict pain be it verbally and otherwise. Remember the masochist is worse than sadist.