AM 5.0 Journal

[AlphaScorpio]

stage 3 day 18 - so I still haven't noticed much positive concrete consistent results yet, the sub must be working in someway however because

-I have pretty vivid dreams that relate to Am
-At the start of a new stage I always, without fail get heavy resistance such as feeling depressed or tired and thinking about changing subs or doubting they work, this lasts for about 1-2weeks on and off
-having a few surges of results often at the first few days of the sub might be placebo though
-definitely noticed the bs detector and and irritability in stage 2
-and after the initial resistance I get the "sub actually doing anything?" stage which usually occurs at the middle of the stage and fluctuates til the end.

I have had a few days (rare) where the confidence hits me and the social dominance becomes clear but it doesn't last more than a few days.

is it normal to be at stage 3 and not notice anything definite?

[SargeMaximus]

is it normal to be at stage 3 and not notice anything definite?

Stage 3 for me was like that, mostly just a lot of negativity and frustration. I'm finding that the instant you just let go and don't try to be anything, you end up surprising yourself with how easy going and solid you really are. But maybe that's just me.

[AlphaScorpio]

got bored so I decided to do my astrology chart, here are my results

sun - scorpio
Rising - cancer
moon - cancer
mercury - Scorpio
Venus - Sagittarius
Mars - Sagittarius
Jupiter - Sagittarius
Pluto - Sagittarius
Saturn - Pisces
Uranus - Capricorn
Neptune - Capricorn
n. node - Libra

[SargeMaximus]

got bored so I decided to do my astrology chart, here are my results

sun - scorpio
Rising - cancer
moon - cancer
mercury - Scorpio
Venus - Sagittarius
Mars - Sagittarius
Jupiter - Sagittarius
Pluto - Sagittarius
Saturn - Pisces
Uranus - Capricorn
Neptune - Capricorn
n. node - Libra

Lol, I have no idea what this means.

[AlphaScorpio]

lol, basically we're made up from lots of different aspects of the astrological signs, we arent just Scorpio or just Pisces. it's interesting to find out you're other lesser signs.

[SargeMaximus]

lol, basically we're made up from lots of different aspects of the astrological signs, we arent just Scorpio or just Pisces. it's interesting to find out you're other lesser signs.

Hmm, I suppose. I never put too much stock in those myself to be honest, but if you do that's you're thing. By the way, congrats on your hook-up. I think you handled it quite well. Also, it was your first time, right?

[K-Train]

Shannon actually has a good write up about how to interpret someone's chart in the Chatter Box. He calls it the "Eyeball Method". It's a pretty informative thread if you guys are interested in just reading for shits and giggles.

[AlphaScorpio]

cool I'll check it out

[AlphaScorpio]

I feel so depressed, low energy no desire to anything but smoke, eat and sit in the sun, I need motivation

[AlphaScorpio]

Day 29- Stage 3 - So I haven't posted in a while because I haven't noticed anything significant to post about. I have been doubting the sub on and off for a while now I wish I could just forget about it and let it do it's thing but I feel like I'm analyzing too much and not living in the present, every morning I wake up and think what will happen today with AM 5.0?

I have had some arguments with family about stuff, and been some tension between me and certain friends, this one guy who I mentioned earlier in this journal gets moody and starts acting arrogant when he's bored or not relaxed and tends to take it out on me, he got in a mood with me because I didn't give him a cig, so I called him out on it, it was awkward but I feel like people need to know the deal. In terms of alphaness, I don't feel alpha much at all recently, quite beta. I've been coming out to socialize alot, but when I'm out there socializing I'm all caught up in my head and not knowing how to act and this reflects on other people, I can sometimes feel my inner state bringing other people's state down and I dont like it cause people don't want to hang around with someone who brings them down. Self esteem is feeling a little low too. I just want some confidence, self respect and results, maybe im looking too hard for them.

In terms of stages, stage 3 has been the most doubt-filled, resistance, turbulent stage so far, stage 2 was kinda nasty cause I was always in bs detector mode but this stage 3 is some real internal turmoil shit, feels like Im being ripped up on the inside and Im trying to find out who I am and how I should act, ego is very present at the moment and it pisses me off.

Hope things smooth out in stage 4

[SargeMaximus]

In terms of stages, stage 3 has been the most doubt-filled, resistance, turbulent stage so far, stage 2 was kinda nasty cause I was always in bs detector mode but this stage 3 is some real internal turmoil shit, feels like Im being ripped up on the inside and Im trying to find out who I am and how I should act, ego is very present at the moment and it pisses me off.

Hope things smooth out in stage 4

I had that in Stage 3 as well, and I'm still noticing it in Stage 4. Though Stage 4 did start out well for me, I guess it just depends on how much resistance you have and how much you need to grow to meet the program's expectations, if you will.

I definitely agree that you should forget about it though. Try to focus on things in your life you want to do and it'll be able to work less obstructed, imo.

[AlphaScorpio]

In terms of stages, stage 3 has been the most doubt-filled, resistance, turbulent stage so far, stage 2 was kinda nasty cause I was always in bs detector mode but this stage 3 is some real internal turmoil shit, feels like Im being ripped up on the inside and Im trying to find out who I am and how I should act, ego is very present at the moment and it pisses me off.

Hope things smooth out in stage 4

I had that in Stage 3 as well, and I'm still noticing it in Stage 4. Though Stage 4 did start out well for me, I guess it just depends on how much resistance you have and how much you need to grow to meet the program's expectations, if you will.

I definitely agree that you should forget about it though. Try to focus on things in your life you want to do and it'll be able to work less obstructed, imo.

I think Stage 3 is forcing me to make some real changes and I am very uncomfortable making alot of those changes, the fact I feel torn up inside is proof to me, the confusion etc. I will take your advice and try to focus on what I want in real, present life. Some days I just have so much inner crap and doubt/negativity that its hard to believe and have faith.

Im thinking of using OGSF after AM 5 and before AM 6 to get rid of some crap before the clean out phases of stage 1.

I should mention, a weird manifestation happened the other day, Me and my friend were walking to the pub and we had no money to have a game of pool so I said out loud "Please, law of attraction, I really want 5 pounds for a game of pool, I want to play so bad" and then I forgot about it and carried on walking down the street towards the pub, Just outside the pub my friend goes "WTF!?" I turned around and saw him pick up a 5 pound note off of the floor, we were completely span out lol, a few of those sorts of manifestations have happened during AM, kinda weird, coincidence?

[SargeMaximus]

I think Stage 3 is forcing me to make some real changes and I am very uncomfortable making alot of those changes, the fact I feel torn up inside is proof to me, the confusion etc. I will take your advice and try to focus on what I want in real, present life. Some days I just have so much inner crap and doubt/negativity that its hard to believe and have faith.

What changes do you think they are?

I know it can be hard, but the best thing is you don't have to do anything about it, just grin and bear it. Eventually, shit works out. At least, that's what I believe.

Im thinking of using OGSF after AM 5 and before AM 6 to get rid of some crap before the clean out phases of stage 1.

A great idea, though OGSF is in AM 6.0, so wouldn't it be better to just start that?

I must admit I've pondered that myself as a LOT of guilt shame and fear has proven to be presently in my way.

I should mention, a weird manifestation happened the other day, Me and my friend were walking to the pub and we had no money to have a game of pool so I said out loud "Please, law of attraction, I really want 5 pounds for a game of pool, I want to play so bad" and then I forgot about it and carried on walking down the street towards the pub, Just outside the pub my friend goes "WTF!?" I turned around and saw him pick up a 5 pound note off of the floor, we were completely span out lol, a few of those sorts of manifestations have happened during AM, kinda weird, coincidence?

That's cool man, wish I could say the same. I've just had some moments that were really weird and I assumed they were manifested, but to have that kind of faith is already a great sign. Love reading your journal btw, it's not so soppy and complainy as some (like mine >>) are, and I respect that.

[AlphaScorpio]

So I was talking to one of my best friends today, I was in a bit of a shit mood tbh. My friend starts talking about why me and my other friend (the one who got annoyed with me when I didnt give him a cigarette) have this weird tension. We discussed it for a while then he said "Yeah Ed says he has to be in the right mood to hang around with you" This made me pretty angry, Im pretty aware that my state affects those around me massively, cause when I'm in a good mood - EVERYONE is in a good mood, when im a bit nervous or depressed/quiet it effects the other people unless we're in a large group, even then it kinda seeps into the vibe a bit.

bit annoyed really, my friend also asked me why it is that I get annoyed with all my friends and I thought about that maybe im just trying to get rid of them and find a better group, people who will support me in my growth instead of being toxic to my state.

I am, however, scared of leaving my old friends behind and finding new ones, I find it hard to make new friends, building trust, rapport and mutual respect etc. Im also quite closed to people these days, especially recently, let's hope I can make some progress in that department when I start college in september.

intersting stuff