05-06-2013, 09:38 AM
The past few days I've been pondering what's wrong with me...I've come to the realization that there is one thing I am sure needs to be corrected - My fear of showing my true self. I get this so bad, like when I'm talking to someone and you know when you first meet them you can talk easy and can vibe well, but then about 5-10 minutes into it I just feel myself cut off and lock down emotionally. I get this fairly intense anxiety and paranoia that this person might not be trustworthy or that they could expose me or make me feel bad. I absolutely f****** hate this damn thing, absolutely hate it! I get it more with certain types of people...usually confident expressive ones, I just can't get close to people. Fear of rejection and the lack of trust in other people as well as self trust, I have no self trust :/
It's the 5th of May today and I finish stage 1 and start stage 2 on the 21st Of May, So far I haven't noticed much as i've kept myself from thinking about it, i just play it at night for about 8 hours, dreams are still occuring even after being in for a few weeks which obviously shows me it's working just building a foundation and subtle internal stuff.
Will keep you posted
It's the 5th of May today and I finish stage 1 and start stage 2 on the 21st Of May, So far I haven't noticed much as i've kept myself from thinking about it, i just play it at night for about 8 hours, dreams are still occuring even after being in for a few weeks which obviously shows me it's working just building a foundation and subtle internal stuff.
Will keep you posted
