AM 5.0 Journal

[JCasterlin]

Day 14 Stage 1- I have to admit I am a bit blown away by how calm I feel. There has been a few hints of anxiety & a bit of uneasiness but nothing compared to how I felt in the past. Maybe every couple of days I will read Shannon's description of the " Ascending Alpha" & it optimizes the goal of goals I have in listening to AM6. All my life I've struggled with believing in myself & trusting my own opinions. That intuition I'm feeling now that I can trust whatever it is I'm feeling & not seek external validation or approval is the first step in becoming the man I know I can be. I've started becoming even more picky about how I spend my time & always asking myself if whatever it is will get me closer to my goals.There's a quote that sums up exactly how I feel

“Today i will do what others won't so tomorrow i can do what others can’t.”
— Jerry Rice

[JCasterlin]

Day 17 Stage 1 - I've been feeling & probably acting very beta at work the last few days even though I'm having my best month so far. I've always been moderately paranoid that I was in trouble for something ever since I was a kid. I grew up with a very emotionally & physically abusive step father who had no problem demonstrating how much he obviously hated me. I was even blamed for being a bad influence on my step siblings. Having that pounded in to me literally & figuratively probably had more to do with the anxiety I've always felt. That's part of why I was so happy when I read that OGSF is in AM6. What happened to me when I was a kid made it so I freeze up at any sign of confrontation.
I'm fairly certain I will be do multiple runs of AM6

[Antaeus]

Day 17 Stage 1 - I've been feeling & probably acting very beta at work the last few days even though I'm having my best month so far. I've always been moderately paranoid that I was in trouble for something ever since I was a kid. I grew up with a very emotionally & physically abusive step father who had no problem demonstrating how much he obviously hated me. I was even blamed for being a bad influence on my step siblings. Having that pounded in to me literally & figuratively probably had more to do with the anxiety I've always felt. That's part of why I was so happy when I read that OGSF is in AM6. What happened to me when I was a kid made it so I freeze up at any sign of confrontation.
I'm fairly certain I will be do multiple runs of AM6

This is interesting. My experiences are similar to yours although there are differences. Do you find that the sub is helping you deal with these things?

[JCasterlin]

Day 17 Stage 1 - I've been feeling & probably acting very beta at work the last few days even though I'm having my best month so far. I've always been moderately paranoid that I was in trouble for something ever since I was a kid. I grew up with a very emotionally & physically abusive step father who had no problem demonstrating how much he obviously hated me. I was even blamed for being a bad influence on my step siblings. Having that pounded in to me literally & figuratively probably had more to do with the anxiety I've always felt. That's part of why I was so happy when I read that OGSF is in AM6. What happened to me when I was a kid made it so I freeze up at any sign of confrontation.
I'm fairly certain I will be do multiple runs of AM6

This is interesting. My experiences are similar to yours although there are differences. Do you find that the sub is helping you deal with these things?

Oh it's definitely helping. I think a lot of what's coming to the surface is so I can resolve it & move on. As I move through the stages I can see all of that being a non issue going forward. One of the points in the list I posted in the discussion section that I'm looking so forward to is when the lame shit that people do no longer really fazes me. Not exactly what Shannon describes it is but you get my point. I'm so done with letting the trivial immature things that people do bother me or have me thinking " WTF " half of the day .
I was telling my wife a few days ago how when you start working on your own emotional health & maturity that you begin to realize how not necessarily toxic although that's there with some folks such as my mother , but how ridiculously self absorbed & immature people can be. There's a huge difference between self absorbed & focusing on yourself. When I say self absorbed I'm referring to a scary level of narcissism.
I was reading somewhere on the forum yesterday how during the 2nd stage he developed the " I don't care" attitude. I love reading other guys experience with AM6

[DavisMind91]

Day 17 Stage 1 - I've been feeling & probably acting very beta at work the last few days even though I'm having my best month so far. I've always been moderately paranoid that I was in trouble for something ever since I was a kid. I grew up with a very emotionally & physically abusive step father who had no problem demonstrating how much he obviously hated me. I was even blamed for being a bad influence on my step siblings. Having that pounded in to me literally & figuratively probably had more to do with the anxiety I've always felt. That's part of why I was so happy when I read that OGSF is in AM6. What happened to me when I was a kid made it so I freeze up at any sign of confrontation.
I'm fairly certain I will be do multiple runs of AM6

This is interesting. My experiences are similar to yours although there are differences. Do you find that the sub is helping you deal with these things?

Oh it's definitely helping. I think a lot of what's coming to the surface is so I can resolve it & move on. As I move through the stages I can see all of that being a non issue going forward. One of the points in the list I posted in the discussion section that I'm looking so forward to is when the lame shit that people do no longer really fazes me. Not exactly what Shannon describes it is but you get my point. I'm so done with letting the trivial immature things that people do bother me or have me thinking " WTF " half of the day .
I was telling my wife a few days ago how when you start working on your own emotional health & maturity that you begin to realize how not necessarily toxic although that's there with some folks such as my mother , but how ridiculously self absorbed & immature people can be. There's a huge difference between self absorbed & focusing on yourself. When I say self absorbed I'm referring to a scary level of narcissism.
I was reading somewhere on the forum yesterday how during the 2nd stage he developed the " I don't care" attitude. I love reading other guys experience with AM6

yea don't worry too much about the beta behavior, you still have quite a ways to go but you'll see an improvement. Strange enough, the maturity improvement programming in AM6 has made me start to look at people more as children, even ones older than myself. I laugh at 99.9% of what people do and how they think these days, especially "Men".

[JCasterlin]

Day 17 Stage 1 - I've been feeling & probably acting very beta at work the last few days even though I'm having my best month so far. I've always been moderately paranoid that I was in trouble for something ever since I was a kid. I grew up with a very emotionally & physically abusive step father who had no problem demonstrating how much he obviously hated me. I was even blamed for being a bad influence on my step siblings. Having that pounded in to me literally & figuratively probably had more to do with the anxiety I've always felt. That's part of why I was so happy when I read that OGSF is in AM6. What happened to me when I was a kid made it so I freeze up at any sign of confrontation.
I'm fairly certain I will be do multiple runs of AM6

This is interesting. My experiences are similar to yours although there are differences. Do you find that the sub is helping you deal with these things?

Oh it's definitely helping. I think a lot of what's coming to the surface is so I can resolve it & move on. As I move through the stages I can see all of that being a non issue going forward. One of the points in the list I posted in the discussion section that I'm looking so forward to is when the lame shit that people do no longer really fazes me. Not exactly what Shannon describes it is but you get my point. I'm so done with letting the trivial immature things that people do bother me or have me thinking " WTF " half of the day .
I was telling my wife a few days ago how when you start working on your own emotional health & maturity that you begin to realize how not necessarily toxic although that's there with some folks such as my mother , but how ridiculously self absorbed & immature people can be. There's a huge difference between self absorbed & focusing on yourself. When I say self absorbed I'm referring to a scary level of narcissism.
I was reading somewhere on the forum yesterday how during the 2nd stage he developed the " I don't care" attitude. I love reading other guys experience with AM6

yea don't worry too much about the beta behavior, you still have quite a ways to go but you'll see an improvement. Strange enough, the maturity improvement programming in AM6 has made me start to look at people more as children, even ones older than myself. I laugh at 99.9% of what people do and how they think these days, especially "Men".

I'm learning to be patient. I know what you mean about seeing people as children. I see the way the folks at my job that are significantly younger than me & I ask myself if I was like that at their age? Probably. What's bad is seeing people who are either quite a bit older than me or people on leadership roles who's response to a lot if not almost everything, is disturbingly immature

[JCasterlin]

Day 17 Stage 1 - I've been feeling & probably acting very beta at work the last few days even though I'm having my best month so far. I've always been moderately paranoid that I was in trouble for something ever since I was a kid. I grew up with a very emotionally & physically abusive step father who had no problem demonstrating how much he obviously hated me. I was even blamed for being a bad influence on my step siblings. Having that pounded in to me literally & figuratively probably had more to do with the anxiety I've always felt. That's part of why I was so happy when I read that OGSF is in AM6. What happened to me when I was a kid made it so I freeze up at any sign of confrontation.
I'm fairly certain I will be do multiple runs of AM6

This is interesting. My experiences are similar to yours although there are differences. Do you find that the sub is helping you deal with these things?

Oh it's definitely helping. I think a lot of what's coming to the surface is so I can resolve it & move on. As I move through the stages I can see all of that being a non issue going forward. One of the points in the list I posted in the discussion section that I'm looking so forward to is when the lame shit that people do no longer really fazes me. Not exactly what Shannon describes it is but you get my point. I'm so done with letting the trivial immature things that people do bother me or have me thinking " WTF " half of the day .
I was telling my wife a few days ago how when you start working on your own emotional health & maturity that you begin to realize how not necessarily toxic although that's there with some folks such as my mother , but how ridiculously self absorbed & immature people can be. There's a huge difference between self absorbed & focusing on yourself. When I say self absorbed I'm referring to a scary level of narcissism.
I was reading somewhere on the forum yesterday how during the 2nd stage he developed the " I don't care" attitude. I love reading other guys experience with AM6

yea don't worry too much about the beta behavior, you still have quite a ways to go but you'll see an improvement. Strange enough, the maturity improvement programming in AM6 has made me start to look at people more as children, even ones older than myself. I laugh at 99.9% of what people do and how they think these days, especially "Men".

I'm learning to be patient. I know what you mean about seeing people as children. I see the way the folks at my job that are significantly younger than me & I ask myself if I was like that at their age? Probably. What's bad is seeing people who are either quite a bit older than me or people in leadership roles who's response to a lot if not almost everything, is disturbingly immature

[JCasterlin]

Day 18 Stage 1 - although I don't procrastinate very much anymore , unless it's say grocery shopping, my motivation has been almost zero yesterday & today. I have read in other journals how that's a common thing during at least Stage 1. I've been doing a of thinking about how the all the ways I've beaten myself up in the past be it mentally or emotionally obviously wasnt achieving anything. I've probably said it somewhere before but prior to starting AN6 I was someone who always felt I needed external validation for almost anything. Now I've begun to realize how not just emotionally unhealthy but that it's also a sign of weakness. I've gone so long without feeling I could trust myself , even if my intuition proved correct, that it's taken something as powerful as AM6 to understand how silly that was. I remember back when I was in my late twenties or early thirties that I felt like I had something in me that was holding me back from being able to become the person I've always wanted to be. Now I understand how all this time it's been me & me alone somehow sabotaging myself. That ends now

[JCasterlin]

Resistance aside I am incredibly proud of myself for not only sticking with this program as this is usually around the time I quit, but also prioritizing listening during free time & finding a way to make sure the ultrasonic version is played at night on loop while I sleep

[JCasterlin]

Day 19 Stage 1 - Ridiculously frustrated today. At one point I almost said " **** it" & thought about switching to a different sub but I'm in this for the long hall. What it is that is causing my frustration is hard to pinpoint. Today at work has been anything but productive & that could be some of it. Along with that its trying to be as patient as I can to get better at this job. It's something that takes time to excel at & nothing like I've done before. I'm probably repeating things I've said before.

[DavisMind91]

Day 19 Stage 1 - Ridiculously frustrated today. At one point I almost said " **** it" & thought about switching to a different sub but I'm in this for the long hall. What it is that is causing my frustration is hard to pinpoint. Today at work has been anything but productive & that could be some of it. Along with that its trying to be as patient as I can to get better at this job. It's something that takes time to excel at & nothing like I've done before. I'm probably repeating things I've said before.

Stay the course, if you see my journal then you’ll know that with AM6, one day you’ll feel on top of the world and the next feel like it’s all going wrong. Chances are you’ll break through within the next 2 or 3 days and feel great.

[findingme]

I agree. I'm not even using AM yet, but I've read countless journals where one day everything goes wrong. Everything. And the next day (or 2), it'll do a 180. Judging from my own experience, I've had similar experiences on many different subliminals.

Knowing it's only one side, and that it'll flip, makes the journey down not so interesting. With subs, all swings are for a reason, and never permanent.

[JCasterlin]

Day 19 Stage 1 - Ridiculously frustrated today. At one point I almost said " **** it" & thought about switching to a different sub but I'm in this for the long hall. What it is that is causing my frustration is hard to pinpoint. Today at work has been anything but productive & that could be some of it. Along with that its trying to be as patient as I can to get better at this job. It's something that takes time to excel at & nothing like I've done before. I'm probably repeating things I've said before.

Stay the course, if you see my journal then you’ll know that with AM6, one day you’ll feel on top of the world and the next feel like it’s all going wrong. Chances are you’ll break through within the next 2 or 3 days and feel great.

I will stay the course. I keep meaning to read your journal from the beginning. I will for sure after work. Because of some time I missed I have added a few extra days to Stage 1.I think at this point I'm probably more annoyed with myself for not reacting in a more mature manner & just going forward

[JCasterlin]

I agree. I'm not even using AM yet, but I've read countless journals where one day everything goes wrong. Everything. And the next day (or 2), it'll do a 180. Judging from my own experience, I've had similar experiences on many different subliminals.

Knowing it's only one side, and that it'll flip, makes the journey down not so interesting. With subs, all swings are for a reason, and never permanent.

It does make me curious what the reason is. I attached an LG pad I have to a set of computer speakers I purchased to play at night while I sleep along with any time I listen during the day