A Sexy Alex, stage 2: DMSI Journal (now 3.3.2!)

[RTBoss]

Started on version B this morning, finishing 32 days of 3.1A yesterday.

To note, version A so far felt manageable and I was a bit worried about becoming "too comfortable," or more specifically "complacent," with it. Wide range of IOIs, including as recently as yesterday leg pretzels from women (at least 7s, possible 8s) on two separate occasions on the train in the same day, but as we all know the primary design goal of DMSI is sex and so far none of that. Morning wood pretty much every morning since starting 3.1A, so I'm looking forward to the resurrection of my erection during the day on a more regular basis since it seems libido is starting to return.

Energy levels have been weird. Waking up is still difficult and attempting to wake up earlier (7:35am to be exact) so far has been unsuccessful ("snooze" for 2 or even 3 hours). Getting to sleep seems to be difficult as well since I'm trying to go to bed earlier (before 1:00am), but actually getting to sleep once in bed feels like it takes a long time. I don't quite rightly know what's up with either.

Lol, that's a good journal title, right there!

[apollolux]

Oh, gonna note before I forget again--I don't know if it's primarily because of the medication resulting in feeling "flat" or DMSI (or even subs in general), but I've noticed that it feels like I have a significantly reduced amount of legitimate fear. Stuff I've felt "afraid" of in the past that would give the feeling one would normally associate with fear such as fright shivers, nothing. I still have the memories that seem to be the roots of the fears (e.g. I still remember being trapped in an elevator when I was a kid), but those memories seem to no longer be attached to specific fears (e.g. I no longer feel claustrophobic in elevators or crowded subway trains).

The two big ones for me, claustrophobia and fear of heights, feel reduced, maybe even to the point of elimination. I no longer feel apprehensive getting into a crowded train, and the last time I went on a plane (June 2016) I felt...okay.

[apollolux]

The hunger has returned, and apparently so has acne (or at least ingrown hairs). Haven't confirmed yet which is currently the greater influence on this new proliferation of pimples, the choices of recent food (mostly peanut butter and jelly sandwiches) or any amount of execution of the DMSI pheromone optimization scripting.

I would think that my subconscious idea of maximum sexual irresistibility includes a lack of visible acne, but is it not to be?

[apollolux]

Hm. Earlier today exiting Starbucks I was hit on for a homosexual relationship, which I politely declined. Progress towards sexual irresistibility I guess?

[SargeMaximus]

Lol. Sorry that was funny. I've not been hit on by gays since SM :o

[Nox]

Well what else do you expect to happen in a Starbucks?

[apollolux]

I don't normally note dreams in my journals, but after more than a few days of quickly forgetting what I dreamt about in the morning this particular dream stood out.

The bulk of the dream itself, me dreaming I was Chandler and eventually Joey from the TV show Friends, is relatively insignificant to the end of it. The end of the dream was me waking up from that dream and writing down that I dreamt about that. I had a dream within a dream.

The only reason I knew the end was still a dream is because I had handwritten what I dreamed about on a pad I apparently had next to me in bed rather than type it on my offline journal in my comp. Maybe the act of writing it down in the dream allowed me to remember it longer, long enough to actually put it in my journal?

[apollolux]

One more thing to note. There is a hand exercise I do every so often to test not so much ambidextrousness but the addition of easier left hand/arm functionality to conscious and reflexive actions and behavior. It's basically waving my hand as smoothly as possible like a vertical snake slither or something. Normally, doing it with my left hand results in disjointed, jerky motion and quick onset of fatigue in my forearm and wrist due to the relatively unfamiliar effort.

The first time I ever truly got drunk, I was on my way home and had the idea to look in the mirror next to my building's elevator and perform the hand wave exercise. THE LEFT HAND WAS SMOOTH AND FELT EFFORTLESS. I actually cried when I saw it because to me that signified that it was pretty much all psychological and the only true reason I "couldn't do it" before was because I was inhibiting myself; the consumption of alcohol removed the mental inhibitions and I allowed myself to use my left hand as if it was second nature.

Five minutes before writing this I performed the hand wave exercise because I had a curious feeling. There is now almost no effort needed to perform the wave and it's currently very nearly as smooth as with my right hand. I have not drunk alcohol tonight, so the only real difference I can think of attributing it to is listening to subs and accepting any or all positive messaging transmitted regarding releasing inhibitions.

[Kol]

How much did BIATBWS add to AOS in your run with the 2. Did you found profound changes running BIATBWS in combination of AOS? Asking this as I want deeper and more radical changes

[apollolux]

How much did BIATBWS add to AOS in your run with the 2. Did you found profound changes running BIATBWS in combination of AOS? Asking this as I want deeper and more radical changes

Hey Kol, thanks for the question! I'm not sure if it was because I was running two subs or if I wasn't properly attuned to the resulting energies the instructions would lead to, but I don't remember feeling much one way or the other. The resulting aura didn't feel nearly as strong as it probably could have, though I did feel sexier overall.

I think the biggest drawback (in my opinion) was that I couldn't replace the motivation lost by the resulting emotional detachment quickly enough to be productive elsewhere.

[apollolux]

For some reason, I'm having trouble coming up with how to word this post to properly convey how I feel/felt today. I had slept in because it was a Sunday and also my birthday, and awoke to numerous happy birthday texts from family. Went to my mom's this evening for dinner and cake. Between waking and the dinner, there wasn't much of anything happening today. I don't know whether to feel relieved or disappointed about that, irrelevant of what sub I was listening to at the time; on second look, it seems to tie into the emotional detachment I mentioned previously.

For reference, a thing I've talked about with my therapist is how I'm worried that, since listening to subs, what used to feel like extreme emotional attachment to outcomes has instead become extreme emotional detachment to not only outcomes but also apparently the processes, systems, and events that lead to said outcomes.

[RTBoss]

Happy Birthday, Alex!

[Duke.Togo]

Happy Birthday Alex!!

I hope you treat yourself to a doughnut plant donut - try the mocha crumb, it's ridiculous...

[apollolux]

Thanks RTBoss and Duke.Togo!

Re Doughnut Plant - I haven't been in a while, but I''ll make it a point to have some later this week or next week. First, I need to take care of my birthday tradition of pinot grigio at Olive Garden; there are better places to have pinot grigio than Olive Garden, but that's where I had my first legal drink (Pinot Grigio Bottega Vinaia).