A Better Alex, stage 2: ASC Journal

[apollolux]

Groovy, thanks Ben.

Breaking format again to note that I felt the weird hot feeling in my chest again (it's a tingling and a tension of sorts, a bit like the first seconds of nausea; think butterflies in the stomach but in the chest instead) when I noticed a few minutes ago that a few people I follow on Instagram favorited photos of my one-itis. I very much don't like this feeling (reminds me of heartbreak) and don't like that I've let this girl who was never even my girlfriend affect me so deeply.

I want either to be reasonably past this or for this girl to realize her mistake and choose me. I will accept either outcome, I just want this bout of suffering to end because I have too much stuff that needs my attention and focus instead of dealing with yet another unrequited love. My desire here is closure and I don't yet feel I have it, and I continue to worry about becoming vindictive and succumbing to the lure of the dark side to ruin her life. I'll definitely need to speak to my therapist about this, and by no means do I consider this absolute self-confidence.