A Better Alex, stage 1: EPRHA Journal

[apollolux]

Hey dude

Can I ask how are you managing to listen to the subliminal whilst your in the waiting area?

Ultrasonic through Apple Earpods on MacBook Air, about 40-50% system volume (~60% QuickTime volume x ~75% system volume). Even on lower volumes I can still hear the high frequencies of ultrasonic and the only reason I don't lower it further (like, down to 10-20% or so) is because I'm usually in areas with loud ambient noise.

Now stop beating yourself up. We all make mistakes and shit happens that's just how we are BUT you're here and you're doing what many others don't which is listening to these subliminals so realise you can't change over night and you may make mistakes that you still make such as self sabotage or just things due to lack of disciplineor whatever but understand that you are and will be changing and growing into a new YOU.

I would love to stop beating myself up; I've been seeing a therapist for 2.5 years hoping to do just that. That being said, I try pretty hard to not exaggerate or speak in hyperbole, so when I say "life-threatening consequences" I mean it. I'm narcoleptic and have indeed fallen asleep walking in the street before, and I legitimately worry about falling asleep walking in a crosswalk in midtown Manhattan or something. Back in October, the stress of my current housing situation and being forced to stay up for 40 hours straight that first night without a place to sleep pretty nearly completely undid TEN YEARS of progress I had made towards fixing it through sheer force of will, and I constantly worry I no longer have enough strength to combat it by myself anymore and I don't have anyone by my side for emotional, mental, etc. support.

Also there is a new version of EPRHA that is currently being made. It will have a "kill self sabotage" component in there and I'm actually hoping my first subliminal will be that for when I finally do start (I'm dealing with a flooded room and I lost 80% of my stuff and you think you have problems lol)

So when that new EPRHA is released if you can get thay definitely but until then and for now keep with this EPRHA and well done for writing this journal cos I'm reading it! have a safe night over there

I would love to try 6G at some point in the future. My plan is ASC is next, then if I have the cash for it AM6, then if I have the cash after that SM3. It definitely sucks to lose stuff in a flood, and I try very hard to not compare my problems with anyone else's, since nobody wins and everyone loses that way. I do indeed have real problems and I make conscious effort to avoid adding self-sabotage to that list.

I've been catching up on the various AM, SM, and WM journals, as well as recent EPRHA and ASC journals, since those are the products I'd like to read results about, and I do look forward to reading your journal(s) once you get yourself situated again, Jake2015. Thank you again for your honest attempts at motivation, and I do appreciate that you took the time to post!