I've been experiencing something recently, and I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through this.
I feel like my mind is trying to shut down when I'm home. Maybe it's the sub working on old memories--and I've not had many childhood memories--with feelings--at all. It's like I'll see a memory in my mind, and I exit it quickly. Fear even emerges as I write that. I really blamed myself for the lack of love I received growing up, and I suspect some pain is trying to emerge.
And my conscious mind is trying to hide it from me still. It's like sleep is preferable to feeling and interacting with others. Even work is a nice distraction (at times). I'm wondering if anyone else has felt this too.
Edit: I don't watch TV either. I began watching a movie for 5 minutes today, and I shut it down. Movies used to be a nice escape for me years back (brain goes into veg mode), but it's like feelings are patiently waiting to get out. I'm not even trying to do this; it's just happening.
I feel like my mind is trying to shut down when I'm home. Maybe it's the sub working on old memories--and I've not had many childhood memories--with feelings--at all. It's like I'll see a memory in my mind, and I exit it quickly. Fear even emerges as I write that. I really blamed myself for the lack of love I received growing up, and I suspect some pain is trying to emerge.
And my conscious mind is trying to hide it from me still. It's like sleep is preferable to feeling and interacting with others. Even work is a nice distraction (at times). I'm wondering if anyone else has felt this too.
Edit: I don't watch TV either. I began watching a movie for 5 minutes today, and I shut it down. Movies used to be a nice escape for me years back (brain goes into veg mode), but it's like feelings are patiently waiting to get out. I'm not even trying to do this; it's just happening.
I want to be FREE!
